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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend or AIBU?

990 replies

SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 00:31

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was Hmm because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. Shock I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

OP posts:
Nocabbageinmyeye · 07/12/2017 01:55

Gave it to them to pass on not gave it to them, huge difference, as well you know

Insomnibrat · 07/12/2017 01:56

She's playing hardball with you. Bat that fucker back.

elland · 07/12/2017 01:57

@theftbyfinding untrue 100%. I would do that in THIS circumstance because the OPs CF friend thinks nothing of screwing her over. I wouldn't ever do it in a normal, moral transaction thank you 👍🏻

BrokenBattleDroid · 07/12/2017 01:58

Wow that's rude of her.

No longer a potential misunderstanding or she would be grovelling at this point. I'd ring/pop round to FIL and ask if he liked the gift you sent, just making sure it found its way to him via friend...

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 01:58

@theft I gave them conditional possession, not ownership. Owners can do what they like. People who have mere possession (ie: when I'm holding the church collection plate) cannot. There is a legal difference, I promise you.

But the legal position is moot anyway, im hardly going to sue someone over something I found in the attic.

I'm just annoyed and hoping I can get the item to her FIL who is a nice man.

OP posts:
WarningSign · 07/12/2017 01:59

CF...,
There are 2 options regarding the object - 1) it is gifted (by my family) to your FIL as we know he would like it OR 2) it is returned to my family. It is NOT your property to sell, and these options are not negotiable. Please let me know which option you will proceed with asap, as I wish this to be sorted before our friendship is impacted.

dentalplanlisaneedsbraces · 07/12/2017 01:59

Blimey. She's massive CF!!!
I'd comment on the ad 'this is mine and not for you to sell. Please remove this immediately'.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/12/2017 02:02

theftbyfinding by your logic remind me never to ask you to hold my handbag whilst I wash my hands or my son whilst I pee
You seem to think you'd be well within your rights to keep them fpr yourself

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 02:03

Her response:

'Ooo I'm sorry I already have a bidder for it so I can't take it down. You could bid for it?'

And then she has pasted the link!!!

AngryAngryAngry

Ok, I'm going to send a grumpy response now

OP posts:
Insomnibrat · 07/12/2017 02:05

Can't you reserve the right to end an auction or withdraw an item (eBay)? I thought you could?

SleepingStandingUp · 07/12/2017 02:05

No, they will just bid and escalate it. You need to withdraw it from sale.

BrokenBattleDroid · 07/12/2017 02:05

Shall we ask FIL or the police what they think about whether it's OK to accept bids on something you don't own?

SleepingStandingUp · 07/12/2017 02:06

Can you contact ebay directly?

iboughtsnowboots · 07/12/2017 02:06

I think I would put a comment on as others have suggested stating that this is your object and you want it back if possible. I am sure it is possible to withdraw items. Or get her to put a very high reserve on it and then she can give it back to you.

Sazziepink · 07/12/2017 02:06

What a bitch I'd be absolutely furious!!

IslingtonLou · 07/12/2017 02:07

Ask for it back as it’s sentimental. You would rather keep it then see it sold on by her

gobster · 07/12/2017 02:07

She can’t be serious!!! When u think a person can’t get more entitled

IslingtonLou · 07/12/2017 02:09

Reading your latest update, I would go to her house and take it back.

[Or you can be an absolute messy bitch and bid for it, but tell her there’s no need to post as you can collect it. You can then tell PayPal / eBay that you didn’t receive it and get a refund. This happened to me a few years ago and I don’t think eBay have fixed this]

Rainbowqueeen · 07/12/2017 02:10

Is she at home? Just go and collect it

theftbyfinding · 07/12/2017 02:11

@theftbyfinding untrue 100%. I would do that in THIS circumstance because the OPs CF friend thinks nothing of screwing her over. I wouldn't ever do it in a normal, moral transaction thank you 👍🏻

Any thoughts?

Tallia · 07/12/2017 02:12

pages.ebay.co.uk/help/policies/stolen.html

EmmaGrundyForPM · 07/12/2017 02:16

OP you need to tell her it is not hers to sell and that you will report her to Ebay if she doesn't take the item down.

I would also get in touch with her FIL telling him the situation and copying her in.

She sounds horrendous. I really wouldn't worry about this impacting your friendship - she is no friend of yours.

Tallia · 07/12/2017 02:17

Also
pages.ebay.com/help/sell/end_early.html#reasons

fidgettt · 07/12/2017 02:17

Write back with "in that case you can just give me the money from the sale. Or I can report it as stolen?"

God, people like this boil my piss!

MiddleClassProblem · 07/12/2017 02:20
Shock