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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend or AIBU?

990 replies

SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 00:31

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was Hmm because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. Shock I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

OP posts:
Mxyzptlk · 07/12/2017 02:49

I'd be furious and would be on her doorstep first thing in the morning to get it back.
Send this in the meantime You have stolen from me and if you don't take it down and return it immediately I will be filing a police report YOU THIEVING BITCH

OtterInDisgrace · 07/12/2017 02:50

She didn’t give it to the cheeky fucker, though, did she?

It’s like wrapping a Christmas present for someone, asking them to pass it along and yet they take it fir themself.

It’s the height of cheeky fuckery.

Mxyzptlk · 07/12/2017 02:53

Not sure why you're getting worked up over some junk you found in your loft?

But FiL would be embarrassed to get it because it's an expensive item??
She definitely didn't misunderstand anything.

LondonLassInTheCountry · 07/12/2017 02:54

Can you send us the link? We will all bid craxy amounts on it.

I dont mind messing up my ebay account

mummarosie1 · 07/12/2017 02:59

Oh my god, the cheek of her!
Don't give in to this!

honeysucklejasmine · 07/12/2017 03:02

Cheeky fucker for sure. I'd be reporting it to eBay as stolen right now. You have the messages that prove what she is doing. I'd also be on her doorstep in the morning to collect it, with no warning. Don't wait longer or it will magically have sold and been collected and it's "too late" to give it back

ohfourfoxache · 07/12/2017 03:13

What.The.Actual.Fuck? Shock

No matter what the outcome, I’d drop her completely after pulling this.

If she refuses to return it then report as stolen to eBay and fuck her feedback

Secretlifeofme · 07/12/2017 03:27

Can't believe what a CF she is! Don't back down OP.

Gaudeamus · 07/12/2017 03:34

Write to the FIL explaining that this was intended as a gift to him as he had been in your thoughts since the loss of his wife. Write to friend telling her the same and expressing your anger at her misappropriation of your gift to him. Tell her to take the ad down and return it to her FIL immediately, making clear that it comes from you. Post on the FB ad that this item is not the property of the seller and that she is selling it under false pretences.

Lashalicious · 07/12/2017 03:40

What does CF mean?

What a jerk she is! You gave it to her fil not her! She knows that you could have easily sold it for the money but you gave it to friend’s fil out of your thoughfulness knowing he would appreciate it. I bet she didn’t even let him have the option of keeping it. I don’t normally drop a friend but I think you should absolutely drop her. She has not an inkling of integrity. I would have nothing to do with her. I agree with Gaudeamus

I feel strongly that when you give something, it is theirs to do with as they please. However, you did not give it to her, you meant it for her fil! Very clearly she is an ass!

TanginaBarrons · 07/12/2017 03:45

Wow. What is your background with this "friend"? I'm really stumped where you go with this now - you've been brilliantly assertive and she is beyond cf.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 07/12/2017 03:45

Report it as stolen to eBay - you gave it to her FIL, she was just asked to pass it along, therefore it's theft.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 07/12/2017 03:49

I will open an eBay account specifically to bid on it and leave her awful feedback.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 07/12/2017 03:50

Cheeky fucker.

Although in this case I prefer the more descriptive Cunty Fucker.

GreatStar · 07/12/2017 03:51

Be firmer with this cf. Really clear and firm.

"I am very upset about this. I'm not going to argue back and forth. I want you to take those ads down asap. I will be at your house this evening to collect it."

If she doesnt agree then i would post on the fb page
"I want you to take this item down. I want you to return this item to me. It is not yours to sell. I will not be bidding or buying it like you suggested. It is not yours to sell. It was in your possession to pass on. NOT to sell. If you werent going to pass the item on you should have told me. This is not yours to sell."

Lashalicious · 07/12/2017 03:51

Thank you Hearts

GreatStar · 07/12/2017 03:51

Another one here offering to bid on ebay for it 😉

RebootYourEngine · 07/12/2017 04:04

I would contact ebay amd post on the fb post and say that the item is not theirs to sell and that you only gave it to her to pass onto fil.

Mxyzptlk · 07/12/2017 04:06

I'd also be on her doorstep in the morning to collect it, with no warning. Don't wait longer or it will magically have sold and been collected and it's "too late" to give it back

^^ This

RebootYourEngine · 07/12/2017 04:06

I would contact ebay and put a comment on fb saying that the item is not theirs to sell. You only gave it to her to pass onto fil.

MinorRSole · 07/12/2017 04:20

Definitely use the report listing function on eBay. Tell them you have proof the item doesn't belong to the seller (text messages would be proof). They won't want to get involved and will just cancel the listing

Bloody nerve of her, you did something nice and she behaves like this. Appalling

MrsJamin · 07/12/2017 05:14

CFery of the highest order! I think your messages need to be a lot more direct, call her a thief which is what she is! She still has no idea how you feel. You've got to act quickly or this item will be sold.

festivedinosaur · 07/12/2017 05:18

What a CFA!

It astounds me that people like her are happy to ruin a friendship to make a quick £300

Cf of the highest order

Karma will come back to bite her one day I'm sure

splatattack · 07/12/2017 05:42

Your friend is crazy!!! I cannot believe how much she is pushing this...

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/12/2017 05:51

AHedgehog
Good idea. Tell her if she doesn’t take it down, you will report the item as stolen to eBay and the police. I think you’ve just lost a cf friend though Angry