To leave DH over ruined underwear?

[Sprinklestar]

Ok, sounds dramatic, right?
But... We have been together years, known each other forever. Today, yet again, he washed my hand wash only underwear in the machine and ruined it. I have lost count of the number of times he has done this.
It is just such a waste and will need replacing. We must have had this scenario every year for the past ten.
It's like that thing on the internet about the man whose wife left him over a cup left on the side, its the constant drip drip drip effect and never learning.
I can't stand his incompetence anymore. How hard is it to check a label? And not mess with the stuff in the separate handwash only basket?!
I am so angry.

[RandomMess]

I'd be upset too because I'd feel completely disregarded and that my stuff didn't matter.

I have a "specials" basket and DH doesn't touch what is in there apart from to dig out the towels/flannels to do a wash of them - it's not rocket science to leave everything else alone!

[MrsExpo]

Your DH does the laundry. .... ..... in my eyes that would make him a prince amongst men and a definite keeper. Maybe he doesn’t like the underwear in question .....

Just buy machine washable knickers for goodness sake. Why is this a problem?

[esk1mo]

you’re lucky your DP does the laundry at all

[MrsJayy]

How flimsy are your pants that a regular wash ruins? anyway yabu to be still in the huff keep your pants seperate and it won't happen again

[lookatyourwatchnow]

It’s the principle behind itv OP, isn’t it. I get it. It’s about a lack of respect.

[ReanimatedSGB]

I expect it's part of a pattern of 'uncaring' behaviour. Or possibly something even worse, given that it seems he's actually had to go out of his way to damage your clothes (picking them out of a separate laundry basket, despite having been told to leave them alone.)

What's he like about your clothes, generally? Have you eg stopped wearing some things because he thinks they show off your body too much? Does he complain if you wear make up, or police your social life?

Yes, I may be way, way off track here, but underwear, especially pricy, delicate, needs-looking-after underwear does have certain associations with sex, and the fact that his destroying it has an element of calculation suggests that he maybe has some issues about sex or, more to the point, your sexuality.

[RagingFemininist]

It’s obvious it’s not an issue with underwear.
It’s an issue with the fact he is NOT LISTENING to the OP who has explained many times nit to put her bras in the washing machine.
It’s the fact that by doing that he is showing a total lack of care regarding her stuff.
And also that he thinks that doing some HW and putting the washing to fog is such a huge attainement for him (as a man) that he doesn’t need to bother with the details. Him thinking about her underwear and thinking a it putting it to wash trumps everything else, incl thinking and take care of what she has explained before.

So yes I get it.
Just like I get that someone could leave a man because he left his cup on the top the dishwasher.
Patriarchy and being fed up to not be important enough for our wishes to be taken into account.

[lookatyourwatchnow]

Mrs why should she have to buy machine washable underwear?

[RagingFemininist]

MrsJayy read the thread and you will see that said underwear was SEPARATED by the OP already and he went out of his way to take that out to put it with the normal wash and into the washing machine.

[napmeistergeneral]

I agree with you OP. It implies he doesn't listen and doesn't think. I doubt he would make the same mistakes over and over again at work for example, certainly not after being asked not to. Whether you can and should tolerate it depends whether it's isolated or a symptom of more general carelessness and thoughtlessness towards you I guess.

[BinkyandBunty]

I get it OP.

There are some women on this thread with very low standards!

[rcit]

He is BU

However hand wash only things are just bloody ridiculous. Anything that can't take a machine wash gets chucked away in my house.

[RagingFemininist]

MrsExpo why?? Are men so stupid that they can’t put a washing machine to go?
Or are women just there to service men by doing all those tasks that they can’t be bothered to do?
Seriously? It’s not a,aging for a man to outs some stuff to wash. He is not a keeper for that.
It’s NORMAL. And should be the minimum standard to be expected from any man you are living with.

What isn’t normal is formhim not to listen to the OP and knowingly destroy her stuff.

[Ecureuil]

If that is all you have to worry about then FairPlay....does he best you....does he cheat on you....does he hurt you in anyway....

you’re lucky your DP does the laundry at all grin

Bloody hell, is that how low some people set the bar? He doesn’t beat me, hurt me or cheat on me, and he does the laundry, so he must be a keeper?

[NamasteNiki]

He's done it once a year in the last 10.

10 times in 10 years.

Let it go.

[splendide]

The ignoring the separate basket is just really strange. Did it smell or something?

[Mookatron]

I can't believe people are saying 'you're lucky he does any at all'. Are you secret moles for the patriarchy or something?

That said, is it really ruined from one go in the washing machine? What have you said to him about it? Why not ask an open ended question like 'why did you put this in the machine?' and see what his answer is.

[April229]

I would be very hacked off.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Is it cashmere?
Sorry that really made me laugh.

[MyBrilliantDisguise]

So interesting that there are so many women on here who are just like the OP's husband.

[splendide]

I have a mohair bikini I knitted myself! I have never worn it

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Most washing machines have a Delicates setting to save on the hand washing? Not the point of thread but worth mentioning (light heartedly).

[Seeingadistance]

I've been married and divorced twice. Both my ex husbands regularly damaged things which belonged to me. This lack of respect for me was played out in a range of different ways, but damaging my possessions was very definitely part of the larger pattern.

[RagingFemininist]

Bloody hell, is that how low some people set the bar? He doesn’t beat me, hurt me or cheat on me, and he does the laundry, so he must be a keeper?

Yep, I thought we had moved on from those times tbh :(:(:(

[ReanimatedSGB]

He took it from a basket she had already told him not to touch, and so it was damaged. There are only two reasons why he would do this:
a) to demonstrate that laundry is her job because his Mighty Penis prevents him from doing it properly

or b) She is being vain/slutty/selfish by wearing fragile, pretty underwear and should stick to supermarket knickers like 'proper' wives and mothers do.