To leave DH over ruined underwear?

[Sprinklestar]

Ok, sounds dramatic, right?
But... We have been together years, known each other forever. Today, yet again, he washed my hand wash only underwear in the machine and ruined it. I have lost count of the number of times he has done this.
It is just such a waste and will need replacing. We must have had this scenario every year for the past ten.
It's like that thing on the internet about the man whose wife left him over a cup left on the side, its the constant drip drip drip effect and never learning.
I can't stand his incompetence anymore. How hard is it to check a label? And not mess with the stuff in the separate handwash only basket?!
I am so angry.

Wow. I am shocked.

I do the washing in our house and I have accidentally shrunk DH's jumpers on a number of occasions.

It's not a black of respect, or anything remotely close to that. It's just that when I sort the washing, sometimes I forget about them. Once or twice I've taken them downstairs and just accidentally put them on a wash that's too hot. It's just a bit scatterbrained. With a million and one things to do to run a household, sometimes things slip my mind. This is no different in my mind.

It would break my heart to think DH would read so much into it and consider it so much more.

Our solution was for DH not to buy such delicate handwash only stuff. Life is too short anyway.

@mamaTJ if you want to make it about who does the laundry then that is up
to you. just because my DP doesnt do any, does that make him stuck in the 1950s

does it make you feel better than he cooks dinner every night after work?

I just can't get past the hand wash only underwear. If you'd said jumper or something I'd get it.
From the other point of view, my dh's clothes are all no machine wash, no tumble dry, must be licked clean by kittens and breathed on by fairies to dry etc. He does his own washing.

Once a year he wrecks your pants?

Maybe he pleasures himself with them and then tries to hide the, er. evidence.

Wish mine hid the evidence.

[Yes, my response is frivolous. That's what makes it so appropriate.]

I hear you. My partner always loses my things. It doesn’t sound that bad but it just shows you aren’t being considered even after pointing it out.

NamesNames - sure, but I bet you wouldn’t deliberately take one of his hand wash jumpers out of a separate washing bag that he’s previously taken the trouble to sort his washing into (and indeed set up as a system in the first place)?

YANBU i really get where you're coming from, it's that attitude of 'if it's not important to him, its not important'. Total lack of respect for things that are important to you. If you don't want to LTB (and i get that you might consider it - straws and camels backs), then, on the principle you can't change him, you can only change yourself, you will have to find a different place for your handwash items where he is unlikely to seek them out to wash them. Not ideal, but does manage this situation.

Washing is quite an easy job, DH was out chopping logs today, both jobs needed doing, I know which I would rather do...

I sometimes think men are stupid on purpose becasue they think housework is beneath them.
You need to make a list and weigh up if you are happier with or without him, wear you would live, income etc.
Sadly my husband didn't pass that test.

I get where you're coming from. It's the epically failing to actually follow through AND NOT FUCKING DO IT AGAIN after the umpty billionth apology for trashing stuff the previous time, and time, and time again.

The amount of people who think the op should be grateful for her DH doing the laundry is actually sad.

Also, read the post before being snide about how she should do it herself ffs.

No wonder some men think it's ok to treat their partners like crap. Other women tell them it's ok.

No, I completely understand, as soon as you said the drip, drip, drip.

It's the fact that they erode everything over the years with their in/actions. No consideration, no thoughfulness, no respect or initiative. Year after year, day after fucking day. It is the seemingly small thing that will push you over the edge.

If a man posted he leavin the wife cause she can’t wash his footy tops he’d be told get a grip

I bet if he posted "every single year my wife takes my footie top, that I keep separate from the regular washing to hand wash myself, and ruins it by putting it in the machine" he wouldn't get told to get a grip at all.

The wife would get lambasted. And rightly so.

you're lucky he does the laundry at all Am pretty sure the person who posted this is not being serious.

...speaking of cashmere. I had the perfect black beret for many years and it got lost by DH one day. It took me about 10yrs to find another and what does the twit do? Put it in the wash and shrink it. When I said it shouldn't have been washed, he shrugged and said oh. Drip, drip, drip

OP, this sounds a frustrating situation- I'd be cheesed off with it too. I am guessing that you have tried to tell him how his disprespect makes you feel and have got nowhere?!

Was not aware one could ruin underwear in the machine.

It is just underwear - not the biggest crime. If it was an item of clothing, I would be v. annoyed.

YANBU. He did it on purpose if he took it out of the handwash basket. I would ask him why he deliberately destroyed your underwear.

Also, this is for all those posters giving out about handwash only underwear - bras are usually handwash in my experience, I just put them on the handwash cycle on my washing machine. Just because they say handwash, doesn’t mean you have to wash them with your hands!

I wouldn’t be grateful if DH did the laundry, the last thing I would want is him faffing about with the washing machine and my clothes. He does loads of other stuff round the house instead.

HerRoyalNotness Is it a man thing, I wonder? My DF has done things like this before. He is fine with non-delicate clothing items but seems to not care if delicate clothes get ruined. And would tell us we making a fuss if we complained!!! Do men just not "get" how to wash delicate items?

Namesetc

It's not about accidents. My mother, who has been married twice and had a daughter with awkward clothes occasionally makes mistakes, such as the time she shrunk my step dad's lambswool jumper to the point it would fit my 4yo. That is not the same as someone repeatedly washing things in a manner they've been told damages the things they're "helping" by washing.

@lalala what if OP bought expensive food items and her DH burnt them once a year? trying to cook a meal for them both as a nice gesture,is that him treating her like crap?

maybe hes just shit at doing laundry. maybe he doesnt “get” it.

my DH doesnt do laundry, but he cooks every night. fine by me. alot of posters
on MN say their DHs never cook.

i change the lightbulbs and do DIY. did you see the thread the other day with all the women saying they have never changed a lightbulb? laughing about it?

what if their DHs collectively complained on a forum that their DW never bothered attempting to change the lightbulbs and just left it up to them constantly.

if you really cant see that shrinking handwash-only laundry isnt THAT big of an issue then frankly you seem to be clutching at this being another example of patriarchy.

some women arent in a position to even buy 1 pair of underwear. maybe some of us can just look at this from a perspective that isnt ~feminism~

I have a secret wash basket for delicates and whites in the bottom of my wardrobe. I feel your pain.

@lalala what if OP bought expensive food items and her DH burnt them once a year? trying to cook a meal for them both as a nice gesture,is that him treating her like crap?

If she bought the same thing once a year and every year he ruined it then it wouldn't be a nice gesture would it? It'd be him repeatedly ruining nice food.

The underwear was separate. He didn't have to do anything other than not touch it.

His work place wouldn't accept him making the same error every year so why should his wife be grateful that he tried?

Blimey - you can get away with washing most handwash only things in a washing machine thse days. Either your underwear is seriously flimsy, or you need a new washing machine. Whether or not you need to leave your dh I could not possibly comment. Seems a bit extreme if this is the only way he shows he doesn't care enough about you or your underwear.