To leave DH over ruined underwear?

[Sprinklestar]

Ok, sounds dramatic, right?
But... We have been together years, known each other forever. Today, yet again, he washed my hand wash only underwear in the machine and ruined it. I have lost count of the number of times he has done this.
It is just such a waste and will need replacing. We must have had this scenario every year for the past ten.
It's like that thing on the internet about the man whose wife left him over a cup left on the side, its the constant drip drip drip effect and never learning.
I can't stand his incompetence anymore. How hard is it to check a label? And not mess with the stuff in the separate handwash only basket?!
I am so angry.

[DeadGood]

Imagine if the husband had saved up to buy, say, a nice new speaker for about £75. Then his wife cleaned it by dumping a bottle of water over it. He would be pretty unimpressed, I think.

"I have tiny pants the Dd has teenier pants and never has a regular wash ruined them "

What on earth does size have to do with it?

I have a pair of knickers that are fine silk satin at the back, all lace at the front. Not a stretchy garment except for at the elasticated edges (ie they're pure silk, not lycra). If they went through the washing machine in a regular wash, not in a bag, I would be picking shreds out of the filter, there would be nothing else left.

[DeadGood]

"Blimey - you can get away with washing most handwash only things in a washing machine thse days. Either your underwear is seriously flimsy, or you need a new washing machine."

Why are people so intent on missing the point on here?

[partystress]

Agree with PPs who say this is about lack of respect, possibly with added PA. and yes, the drip drip drip of the small things eventually makes your head explode. But bet it's really hard to talk about it in an adult fashion because you should be so grateful for 'help'.

[lalalalyra]

Maybe I just expect too much because even my teens know not to touch the handwash basket when they take their turn. It's definitely not beyond the capability of a grown man.

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

If a man posted he was leaving wife cause she ruined his footy tops there would be uproar
Her drawers and of course he’s a useless pig and it’s cumulative abuse & disrespect
Funny that...

[roundaboutthetown]

You could try putting a huge sign on the top and side of the handwash only basket, saying, "dh- stay the fuck out of this basket," and see if that works. If not, ltb.

[Animation86]

To be fair I have a regular than most hand wash pile full of underwear and dance bras and if he dared ruin them I dunno, there would be hell. (Some of this stuff can’t touch the machine , glitter and all)

But leave? I imagine this is the tip of a bigger iceberg?

[notangelinajolie]

Just be grateful you have nice knickers in the first place. Bloody Brexit.

[TatianaLarina]

I don’t think he was trying to help I think he was annoyed and couldn’t be arsed to handwash them. He didn’t want to leave them in the basket looking like he hadn’t finished the washing.

I hope you bill him every time he wrecks them. I’d bank on his learning pdq if you did that.

[LightastheBreeze]

Yes, just put a big fuck off sign on the hand wash basket, then if he ignores it just LTB

[NomNomNominativeDeterminism]

It's not once a year. It's 'I have lost count of the number of times he has done this'. It's been happening for the last ten years, every year, not something that's just started or that hasn't happened for ages until now.

It's either genuine incompetence such as you'd expect of a five-year-old, or malice, or can't be arsed to engage brain. There comes a point when it doesn't really matter which.

YANBU.

[TheFaerieQueene]

There are some unbelievable cunts on this thread. It isn’t about the fucking underwear. It is about his disregard for the OP’s property. This is deliberate and cruel.

[Nanny0gg]

If people can't be arsed to RTFT at least read the OP's posts!

For the love of God, PLEASE read the OP's posts!

And I would be bloody furious if my DH ruined my clothes too, when he didn't need to touch them.

[ChaChaChaCh4nges]

It's either genuine incompetence such as you'd expect of a five-year-old, or malice, or can't be arsed to engage brain. There comes a point when it doesn't really matter which.

Yes, just so. When I left XH he claimed he genuinely didn’t know or understand how unhappy I was with him, and I was stunned into silence. I’d told him so many times, again and again, sobbed, shouted, drawn up plans on how to tackle our issues. But somehow it wasn’t until I actually left him that he took me seriously. There comes a point when wilful ignorance crosses into deliberate passive-aggression.

[Nanny0gg]

Why are people so intent on missing the point on here?

Because they can't have a go at the OP if they read her posts properly, can they?

[ChaChaChaCh4nges]

OP, you might want to ask MNHQ to move this thread to Relationships. You'll get a more understanding response there.

[C0untDucku1a]

Im with you op. It was in a hand wash only basket. It is the 10th time he has done this. He is well aware that it is wrong to do this. I undertand the drip drip drip.

[Jux]

Does he ruin other stuff?

I found the only thing which works with men who do this through lack of regard for others’ stuff is tit for tat. It’s horrible to have to do that, but I do know of one guy who shaped up after his dp tit for tatted him once only - apparently she really hasn’t needed to do it again.

[StatisticallyChallenged]

This thread is making me rage! It's like we've gone back to the 1950s where we should be grateful if men do anything.

Firstly, hand wash underwear is seriously common - especially if you're a bigger bra size. I think every single one of my bras is hand wash only. I don't always pay attention to that, but that's my choice. I do wash them in a cool wash in a lingerie bag though and I've seen plenty of bras damaged by the washing machine if they're just chucked in.

The OP is already separating her handwash/delicates stuff. It was in a separate basket. He knows this. He chose to put it in the same wash anyway and damaged it, and he does this repeatedly. HE's being disrespectful.

She's not asking him to hand wash them, just to leave them alone so she can.

He's not a prince because he does a share of the domestic work.

DH and I both do laundry, and will both wash each other's stuff. He is useless at working out how to separate colours so we have separate laundry baskets for lights, darks, colours and he doesn't mix them because he knows that if he does he might damage something of mine. He doesn't just decide he doesn't care and launch everything in together. That's normal decency.

The OP is allowed to have nice stuff, and she's allowed to expect her DH to respect it.

[kootoo123]

Tell him that you are not wearing any underware today as he ruined yours. He will so ahem sorry and that will learn him good.

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

Having read all op posts,this still a bag of shite.and massive overreaction
If it’s indicative of a deeper malaise that explains op ire.otherwise calm down
And if a man posted this,about laundry,he’d get a pasting.cause it’s her.its all he’s a fucker who’s disrespectful

[StrangeLookingParasite]

If that is all you have to worry about then FairPlay....does he best you....does he cheat on you....does he hurt you in anyway....if not then stop being such a diva and go to a supermarket and buy knickers like most of the human race that can be chucked in the weekly wash lol

Wow. Low bar you've set yourself.

And I wish people would read the thread, or even just the OP's posts properly.

[whenthestarsturnblue]

This cannot be a real thread?

[ChaChaChaCh4nges]

Why are people so intent on missing the point on here?

And why are people so intent on turning it into a light-hearted thread when the OP has already explained that this is completely serious to her? Treat her with some respect. Going naked so he’s distracted by the suggestion of sex, FFS.

[LightastheBreeze]

I’ve read all the OPs posts...