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AIBU to think it's a bit cheeky to ask your wedding guests to pay for your honeymoon?

(315 Posts)
StepAwayFromGoogle Sat 04-Nov-17 12:39:14

I'd be really interested to hear what people think. We've had a few wedding invites recently where the bride and groom have written a lovely little poem about how they have everything they want so could guests contribute to their honeymoon.

Most recently was something along the lines if:
"Please no children, we hope you understand, our wedding day might get quite out of hand, please do rock up to the evening do, and helping out with the honeymoon would be so kind of you." Sooo - whole family not invited, not important enough to come to the wedding itself, but please do still help pay for our honeymoon.

My OH and I are planning to get married in 2019 and have already decided we are going to explicitly say 'no presents' on the invite i.e. 'it's cost you all a fortune to travel here and stay overnight, so that's our present thanks, we're quite alright'.

I don't know why it narks me so much. I'm not bothered about wedding lists or where you just bring a present or drop some money into a box, so why does asking to contribute to the honeymoon annoy me so much? And AIBU?

2014newme Sat 04-Nov-17 12:41:43

And they will already have booked and paid for the home in reality.

FledglingFTB Sat 04-Nov-17 12:43:18

Depends, it’s pretty much the norm now. So long as it isn’t explicit, I think ‘gifts not essential, but if you insist then we’d appreciate x’ - might as well get them something they want. No kids is another discussion altogether, their day and their choice.

For your wedding you’re likely to end up with gifts anyway and it’ll likely be bucket loads of unwanted tat.

Leeds2 Sat 04-Nov-17 12:44:27

I think I would be tempted to take a bottle of champagne instead.

PinkHeart5914 Sat 04-Nov-17 12:44:27

I thinks it’s a good idea tbh. I’d rather give them something they want.

I’d rather pay some towards the honeymoon or whatever instead of wasting money on a toaster or bloody wedding champagne glasses like most the other guests will of got and they the bride and groom don’t want.

BigGreenOlives Sat 04-Nov-17 12:44:31

It’s up to you whether you accept the invitation & give them what they’d actually like. You don’t have to go & you can always give them a toaster (or other generic wedding gift) if you feel you want.

pinkliquorice Sat 04-Nov-17 12:44:43

I wouldn’t find it a problem tbh.
I would rather contribute money to the couples honey moon than waste time and money buying them stuff they don’t like.
I actually always feel more uncomfortable when people say they don’t want gift, and feel I should at least give money or gift vouchers.

BigGreenOlives Sat 04-Nov-17 12:44:55

*if you want, take out the you feel

Waterfeature Sat 04-Nov-17 12:45:33

YANBU.

Nannyplumbrocks Sat 04-Nov-17 12:45:59

Thats disgusting. I wouldn't go based on that alone. A gift is not something that is compulsory

FenellaMaxwellsPony Sat 04-Nov-17 12:46:02

Money towards honeymoon is fine - most couples live together before marriage so they don't need a toaster!

Poems on the other hand, are awful!

BayLeaves Sat 04-Nov-17 12:46:18

General MN consensus is that those poems are cringey and awful.

Asking for any kind of gift is rude.

I think it's okay to express a preference for a certain type of gift, ideally wait until you're asked though. I don't see the need for twee poems or grabby statements on the invitations because most wedding guests just ask what kind of gift you prefer anyway.

On the flip side I'd rather they ask for vouchers or honeymoon contributions than just get a load of sparkly wasteful tat or unwanted homeware.

HarrietKettleWasHere Sat 04-Nov-17 12:46:20

We always put £50 inside the card when we are guests at a wedding. (Four this year already!) I think it's the norm now. I imagine it does go towards the honeymoon which I think is more than fair enough. It's our choice to attend and to give something.

FenellaMaxwellsPony Sat 04-Nov-17 12:46:44

@Nannyplumbrocks but they haven't said it IS compulsory.

StepAwayFromGoogle Sat 04-Nov-17 12:47:04

That's interesting. It's just me then. Hmmm.

Kochicoo Sat 04-Nov-17 12:48:40

YANBU, I hate this too. I just took a bottle of champagne as a gift the last time I was asked to contribute to someone's honeymoon.

Orangebird69 Sat 04-Nov-17 12:49:23

I much prefer that or a list than to buy something random they will have no use for. And with your request OP, that's what you'll end up with. Or maybe not, but I like to give gifts and there's no way I'd turn up empty handed to a wedding. I don't even turn up to someones house for dinner without a bottle of something/flowers etc. There may be some guests that think they're doing you a favour by accepting your wedding invitation and don't feel they need to give a gift too but plenty of people I know like to give. So head off the tat at the pass and give them an idea of something you'd like.

StepAwayFromGoogle Sat 04-Nov-17 12:49:33

Cross post too soon. Not just me!

2014newme Sat 04-Nov-17 12:50:12

For an eve event, champagne is fine

Lokisglowstickofdestiny Sat 04-Nov-17 12:52:05

Poem is a bit naff but I'd rather give money than buy tat - most couples don't need the tat anyway.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer Sat 04-Nov-17 12:52:13

My db did this I thought it was cringe, something along the lines of “a little bit of currency would help us on our way” it did they ended up 5staring it in Antigua.

afrikat Sat 04-Nov-17 12:52:19

I personally feel uncomfortable going to a wedding without giving some kind of gift so if honeymoon contributions are asked for I am happy with that

HarrietKettleWasHere Sat 04-Nov-17 12:55:35

But why feel more uncomfortable giving something the couple really want than trekking around a John Lewis for set of saucepans? Cash is far easier too instead of lugging a present around.

Never felt like we 'had' to give money either. We've done it because we like/love/want the couple to be happy and have a fab wedding/honeymoon.

If we didn't then we wouldn't attend their wedding.

Zubrowka Sat 04-Nov-17 12:56:05

I never understand the outrage at this request. Surely if you're close enough to go to someone's wedding you'd want to give them something they want/will make use of. Plus, to me, chucking money into a card is a lot less hassle than finding the perfect gift anyway. Win win IMO!

StepAwayFromGoogle Sat 04-Nov-17 13:02:13

That's decided then. I won't be hmm about it, we'll just give them a bit of money. And DEF going to avoid a poem in our invites! Thanks, MN

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