AIBU to think it's a bit cheeky to ask your wedding guests to pay for your honeymoon?

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I'd be really interested to hear what people think. We've had a few wedding invites recently where the bride and groom have written a lovely little poem about how they have everything they want so could guests contribute to their honeymoon.

Most recently was something along the lines if:
"Please no children, we hope you understand, our wedding day might get quite out of hand, please do rock up to the evening do, and helping out with the honeymoon would be so kind of you." Sooo - whole family not invited, not important enough to come to the wedding itself, but please do still help pay for our honeymoon.

My OH and I are planning to get married in 2019 and have already decided we are going to explicitly say 'no presents' on the invite i.e. 'it's cost you all a fortune to travel here and stay overnight, so that's our present thanks, we're quite alright'.

I don't know why it narks me so much. I'm not bothered about wedding lists or where you just bring a present or drop some money into a box, so why does asking to contribute to the honeymoon annoy me so much? And AIBU?

It makes no sense at all to me that people get irate contributing to a honeymoon fund, it is expected that you bring gift to a wedding, why not go with something the couple wants.

exactly. Why would I want to buy a something they may not like when they have told everyone what they want?

This poopooing of cash gifts is from another time. Doesn't recognize modern lifestyles.

I wouldn't go. What an awful tacky thing to do.

I think it depends on how it’s asked. One invite we have recently it said something like we don’t expect our guests to buy us gifts but if you insist, then some money towards the honeymoon would be nice.
It was all in a nice poem and we were invited to the full day.
But the way it has been put in your case does come across a bit cheeky imo.

Poems are so tacky and awful. I’ve been sent a few invitations with them and they are just so nauseating.

Gluezilla had a wedding website where people were directed to buy specifics parts of their honeymoon. I’m sure everyone who actually got invited to the wedding said it was lovely to their faces but lots of people afterwards have said how tacky it was. Then again this was the wedding that was Hollywood themed with the website detailing the Glue love story and it’s full cast of characters.

No mention of presents should really be made on the invitation at all but to ask for cash (even towards a honeymoon) is very grabby.

Heart, if we get a wedding invite that asks for cash we don't go and rsvp politely.

Thankfully most of our friends and family follow the tradition of a gift list available upon request.

Wedding gifts traditionally were about helping the couple set up home. If a couple already live together and have those items, they should just say no gifts please rather than expect cash to recoup the costs of the wedding or holiday.

@expatinscotland re not going if your guests don’t give money, we have a budget for our honeymoon, and are prepared to cover it. Any gifts we did get would allow us to either go for longer, do more things there, or upgrade our travel standard, fly business class, nicer hire car, for example. We’re not relying on guests to fund our holiday, and tbh I’m not anticipating a great deal in terms of gifts as my family is not well off as a whole, and my parents are contributing to the wedding itself, so I’m not expecting anything at all from them.

I’d hate to plan my holiday based on what money we might get from people, so we picked something we could afford, but could be upgraded if that was an option.

With the evening guests thing, I wouldn’t have booked a venue that couldn’t accommodate everyone we wanted during the day, but we’re only looking at about 70 guests total. Not sure I could even rustle up a guest list of 150 people!

The no children thing I wouldn't care about but I hate people asking for money, it is so crass.

We asked for nothing, no need for a cutesy poem, we received some gifts, money and vouchers anyway which was lovely because people wanted too instead of being asked too.

if we get a wedding invite that asks for cash we don't go and rsvp politely.

traditionally it's the polite thing to do to send a gift when you are invited and you do not attend, of course smaller than if you attend.

"cash" contributions to a honeymoon is not asking guests to recoup or cover the cost, it is still a gift to upgrade the holiday of a lifetime. So what if people prefer fantastic memories over a new sofa or a vase?

What I find most depressing in these threads is the mindset about weddings for so many posters. For me, an invit means "yeah, a party", so and so have decided to spend their life together and we are invited to celebrate. It should be a happy day, instead it's another reason for so many to moan, be spiteful, judgmental and want to impose their own ideas.
I really do not understand why someone would chose to spend money on something no one wants, just to make a point (probably lost on the recipient anyway).

Our friends got married recently and their ‘list’ was for trailfinders (or something similar) so you could buy vouchers which went towards their honeymoon travel plans.

I was happy to do that, and loved their Facebook/Instagram updates when they were on honeymoon. It felt nice that all their friends and family had helped them create the honeymoon they wanted, and we followed their journey with them.

Yellow - how ridiculous to not go just to be petty.

I am always going to take a present to a wedding. Id much rather get them what they want. So I have no problem with a cash request, poem or not.

I can't give cash to a peer. Just can't do it. I'm trying to imagine bunging one of my mates a twenty for their birthday.....nope. Wedding is no different.

Although I could do vouchers so that's probably illogical.

I do also see the honeymoon as a wedding cost. If you can't afford one, don't have one or save up.

I do also see the honeymoon as a wedding cost.
except that the wedding is for the guests, whilst the honeymoon is for the bride and groom. Contributing doesn't mean that the couple would do without if they didn't have any gifts.

Why does it make you feel better to spend £100 on saucepans than towards a nice meal on a holiday somewhere? Jealousy?
Some couples prefer buying basic homeware, from Ikea and the like, and splash on their honeymoon. You can't really ask your guests to get stuff from Aldi!

One of the wedding gifts we contributed to was a painting. The couple wanted something to keep forever, it was a brilliant idea (for them). Gifts should be given to make people happy, why resenting them?

I will usually gift a cash gift for weddings as nowadays most couples already have all the basics. But I don't like the idea of B&Gs specifically asking for money. It's just crass. Some people can't afford to give much and would prefer to have the option to regift something or buy something in a sale in order to disguise their lack of funds.
They should be allowed the dignity to do this if they wish instead of being embarrassed into giving more than they can afford, or humiliated because they can only put a few quid inside a card.

I refuse to go to weddings where I get an invite to the evening do only, and I think it's really incredibly fucking cheeky of a couple to send requests for gifts to someone who is only invited to the evening.

DH's cousin, whom we hadn't seen in about 10 years recently invited us to his evening reception only, which is 300 miles away from where we live and sent us a crap poem requesting a specific type of voucher that was only available at a minimum amount of £50! Erm no, fuck off!

If people weren't so bothered about honeymooning in cliched boring places like the seychelles or maldives we wouldn't have this problem

GIVE a cash gift, not 'gift' one.

walnut I've been to both of those places, (one one on honeymoon), neither are boring. The sea life, scuba diving, snorkeling, wild birds, giant tortoises are great . The on mass crab gatherings, palm spiders and crazy ants are less great but not boring.

For me, it's not just tacky but unnecessary. Most couples know perfectly well that hardly anyone will attend a wedding empty handed - also that, these days, most will give cash. Granted there might be a few undecided types who ask what's wanted, but if they do that's a good enough time to say "well, if you really insist ..."

So what's the need to direct guests, unless it's to imply you don't trust them not to get "pointless tat" - and even if a few do, what's wrong with a simple thank you?

No it's not just you. We are going to a wedding next year an the couple have cohabited for years, have highly paid jobs and everything they need but the invitation is worded that no gifts are required but if you'd like to put money in a card they would be very grateful! I feel really uncomfortable with that. We are just giving them money. Why?

I dont like it when people have a flashy wedding and then ask for a donation towards their honeymoons. Especially when you know they are high earners, live at home.

How much do you all give?

MrsHarry I gave 150€ cash in card to a family member planning independent travel in Europe and asking for money towards the honeymoon - the mother of the bride told me I should have done a sterling bank transfer as the money was meant to cover their direct debits while they were away! I did wonder why they'd put their bank details on the invite... Cash in local currency seemed a nice touch and it was enough to hurt my month's budget, but apparently it was exchanged into sterling and paid into the couple's bank account by the sighing mother of the bride...

Cash as gifts is fine, bank transfers in advance are taking the piss IMO

I think saying ‘no presents are required but if you insist then money towards honeymoon would be lovely’ is fine. Poems are never ok though!