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Regale me with Cheeky Fucker stories

(859 Posts)
TellMeItsNotTrue Sun 24-Sep-17 15:31:08

I'm stuck in bed feeling ill, bored and pissed off with the whole situation, AIBU to ask you to entertain me with your tales of CFs?

BTW daily fail and other websites/newspapers can fuck off, my fee for this piece of journalism is 2 million pounds and a takeaway pizza, non-negotiable so if you don't agree to those terms then kindly FTFOTFOSM

The only one I can think of at the moment is last year when a neighbour knocked at our house, we get on great with most of our neighbours but this one looks down her nose at everyone and keeps herself to herself. She told me that I needed to make sure I was home the following day confused I asked why and was told I needed to be in for the delivery hmm wasn't my birthday and didn't have anything ordered so I asked what was being delivered and how did she know "oh it's not for YOU * tinkly laugh * no, its from laura Ashley you see" still none the wiser I ask who it's for then and why do I have to be in "well because they said it will be tomorrow and I have appointments! I will be getting my hair done and of course my nails, so I've told them to deliver it here" she then walked off leaving me with my jaw on the floor. I made sure I was out the following day and just put the we missed you card through her door when I got home, not spoken a word to me since, but that isn't unusual for her anyway

AnyFarrahFowler Sun 24-Sep-17 15:51:18

Our next door neighbours asked if they could essentially take some of our front garden to extend their drive. They didn't want to build it on their own front garden, but were quite happy to take some of our land.
Then tried to say it was their land anyway when we refused?!
Then got huffy when we showed them the deeds to prove it was our land and told them to jog on. Weirdos.

ShowMePotatoSalad Sun 24-Sep-17 15:58:11

NDN's relatives use our driveway to get to their house because they're too lazy to open their gate. It involves them walking into our driveway and walking over the low wall between the two driveways because they would rather do that than open the gate. I often see a group of them stood outside my front door having a natter. It's not particularly inconvenient to us - I just find it incredibly rude and entitled.

A few years ago one of DH's relatives came to stay with us for a while. I came home from work unexpectedly early one day to find her wearing an outfit she'd swiped from my wardrobe. I was too shock to say anything at the time but I thought that was so cheeky.

PurpleMinionMummy Sun 24-Sep-17 16:06:42

Neighbour sent her 3/4 yo dc to knock on my door when I was heavily pregnant with small kids to boost. "Mummy said I can play at your house". Yeah, cos I need an extra small child to look after. I sent him back home.

Trueheart1 Sun 24-Sep-17 16:08:50

My grandparents CFN asked my very sick grandfather if he could store a few boxes in his garage. Grandma came home from shopping to find a garage full floor-to-ceiling with boxes. She soon told him to remove them all.

HarrietKettleWasHere Sun 24-Sep-17 16:09:18

A friend of my auntie's rocked up to my 21st Birthday party with a Tupperware box and packed loads of buffet food in it and a big wedge of my birthday cake.

She drank a free glass of fizz, had a boogie and fucked off after declaring the (subsidised) bar was a rip off grin

RainbowsAndCrystals Sun 24-Sep-17 16:12:08

My neighbours kindly decide to drink and smoke right outside my window. It's shared land so they don't have any sole right to be there.

It's lovely having a place that stinks of smoke when I'm a non smoker.

Spadequeen Sun 24-Sep-17 16:18:21

I both love these threads and hate them cos they get me so wound up!

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow Sun 24-Sep-17 16:20:52

Only a little one, but the words "well you can just fuck off matey" did rise to my lips. (Didn't say it though) School concert, I was staffing the tea and bikkies stall (just a donation) I'd bought a nice selection plus some free from ones ( some kids, music teacher and me) This bloke comes along gets his tea, then looks at biscuits. I thought he was looking for allergen advice, so said "oh they are free from" he grabs a greedy few. I say "it's nice to be able to have biscuits isn't it" "oh I'm not intolerant, they just look nicer"

BigSunglasses00 Sun 24-Sep-17 16:32:59

I once lived down a shared drive way where each house had an additional large space infront of their garage - enough to park two cars in.

When we moved in the neighbour basically told us that we wouldn't be parking our cars in OUR OWN driveway because he had an agreement with the previous tenant that they could use each other's driveways to reverse in and out of. That's the CF bit.

We had three cars and street parking was limited and awkward (and in a less than great area) so not parking in the driveway at all wasnt an option. We started parking there but made huge efforts to leave him enough space to reverse into (I know this because I heard/saw him do it often). He started parking outside of his garage and in the most awkward spot possible in order to make it impossible for us to reverse into his driveway, just to make a point.

That bit's not really cheeky so much as miserable, I suppose.

expatinscotland Sun 24-Sep-17 16:41:54

Do a search in Classics for CF threads. Endless entertainment.

ShowMePotatoSalad Sun 24-Sep-17 16:43:25

Ooh I've got another one. I regularly attend a pub quiz and at "half time" they do a buffet. There's a group of very entitled CFs who literally leaf through the sandwiches like they're pages in a book - touching them and just picking at bits of the filling. It means I, and a lot of other people who believe in something called hygiene, aren't able to touch the sandwiches after. I'm sure that's why they do it. angry

hidinginthenightgarden Sun 24-Sep-17 16:44:33

Our neighbour asked if we wouldn't mind him having something delivered to our because it was important and they were at work that day. I was on MAT leave and more likely to be in so said yes.
Next thing we know there is a parcel almost every week assuming this could a long standing arrangement. I think we missed a few too many and they stopped in the end.

ElizaBenson Sun 24-Sep-17 16:52:06

I remember when I was a student coming back to the shared house I was living in and one if my housemates had given a woman he'd had a one night stand with a very expensive (for a student) dress of mine to wear. It had been right at the back of my wardrobe too (the rail rn front to back) so they'd basically had a really good nosy at my clothes. I got a lock for my door that afternoon and i never got the dress back

expatinscotland Sun 24-Sep-17 16:53:30

'There's a group of very entitled CFs who literally leaf through the sandwiches like they're pages in a book - touching them and just picking at bits of the filling. It means I, and a lot of other people who believe in something called hygiene, aren't able to touch the sandwiches after. I'm sure that's why they do it. angry'

Why do you all put up with it? No one's thought to have a word with the pub staff about their doing this? No one's thought to hover over the buffet and when the CF's show up say, 'Hey! Stop touching all those, you minger!'

DJBaggySmalls Sun 24-Sep-17 16:54:08

NDN's cocklodger told his mate he could park on our drive.

Halfsack Sun 24-Sep-17 16:59:29

My friend sold a bag and never got paid for it then the person sold it on and still never gave her any money.

Twofurrycats Sun 24-Sep-17 17:01:15

Years ago I owned an upstairs flat. When the downstairs flat was for sale I got a phone call from the vendors CF Solicitors to say that there was a 'mistake' on the deeds and it could be put right at no cost to me. Nope. They were most disappointed when I said I'd have to speak to my own solicitor! I sold the piece of garden they wanted to them in the end.

Shakey15000 Sun 24-Sep-17 17:02:31

Can someone please point me in the direction/post link to the last of the epic CF thread(s) with the OP's neighbours knocking down a wall in their listed building and putting doors in that would enter OP's privately owned garden? Or tell me what the outcome was? Please don't say it was a troll Thanks

RightOnTheEdge Sun 24-Sep-17 17:09:16

Ooh yes shakey I'd like to see how that ended too!

ShowMePotatoSalad Sun 24-Sep-17 17:09:29

expatinscotland everyone knows they do it and so many sandwiches get left because no one wants to touch them. The pub staff know about it - they can see them doing it, but they won't say a dicky bird because they wouldn't want to lose the custom of the group - old timers, been around years, loyal customers, blah blah. I swear to God it's tyrannical. And I agree with you, they are absolute mingers. I feel physically sick watching them pick their way through the food. angry

Babyblues14 Sun 24-Sep-17 17:15:34

Our neighbour called our landlord to tell him that we hadnt cut our lawn in the back garden. I was pregnant, working and constantly sick and dh was working 3 jobs.
Clearly they had been peering out of the bloody windows to have a nosy.
I was furious and dh even more so. We left it another week just to annoy them more.

Babyblues14 Sun 24-Sep-17 17:16:06

And no it wasn't a jungle. Just needed a trim angry

Trueheart1 Sun 24-Sep-17 17:22:04

Shakey. Planning came round and were horrified. They told the OP that planning would get their own contractors to restore the window and take away the doors also the owners of the other flat would be charged all of the costs for restoration at 10 thou plus.

TellMeItsNotTrue Sun 24-Sep-17 17:25:58

Thankyou! These are keeping me going, the boredom was doing my head in! I am not a very good patient grin

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