Regale me with Cheeky Fucker stories

[TellMeItsNotTrue]

I'm stuck in bed feeling ill, bored and pissed off with the whole situation, AIBU to ask you to entertain me with your tales of CFs?

BTW daily fail and other websites/newspapers can fuck off, my fee for this piece of journalism is 2 million pounds and a takeaway pizza, non-negotiable so if you don't agree to those terms then kindly FTFOTFOSM

The only one I can think of at the moment is last year when a neighbour knocked at our house, we get on great with most of our neighbours but this one looks down her nose at everyone and keeps herself to herself. She told me that I needed to make sure I was home the following day I asked why and was told I needed to be in for the delivery wasn't my birthday and didn't have anything ordered so I asked what was being delivered and how did she know "oh it's not for YOU tinkly laugh no, its from laura Ashley you see" still none the wiser I ask who it's for then and why do I have to be in "well because they said it will be tomorrow and I have appointments! I will be getting my hair done and of course my nails, so I've told them to deliver it here" she then walked off leaving me with my jaw on the floor. I made sure I was out the following day and just put the we missed you card through her door when I got home, not spoken a word to me since, but that isn't unusual for her anyway

Worked in fast food and I was a supervisor, had a staff member talk shit about me to the manager, saying things like she didn't agree how to did things etc, my manager put her straight as the things she mentioned were more character related and didn't affect the business, I found out about it but didn't say anything, she was on my close shift that night and asked me for her usual lift home, I told her to jog on,

I made a friend at work. We were really close and would go out after work for drinks, go shopping at the weekend etc. When I left we stayed in touch but I began to realise that she was quite selfish. No idea how this had escaped me before.

Example one:
We were going to a friends party and my dad said he'd drive us for free to save on taxi fare both ways but we'd need to leave about 7 because he had plans. 7 came and she wasn't here so I text and she replied saying she was just about to leave. She then ignored my calls and texts until just after 9 when she turned up with her boyfriend. My dad gave us a lift but there was no apology for being late or even a thank you when they got out the car. I was really embarrassed and apologised to my dad over and over.

We got a taxi back later and I was expected to pay half of the £50. I gave £15 in notes and then about £4 saying I didn't have any more. They said they'd go to a cash machine and I just laughed and said ok then you can get the petrol money out for my dad while you're there.

Example two:
She called me and said she was having a bad day and needed a friend. It was an emergency and she wanted to go out. I had no money because it was two days before pay day. She offered to buy my drinks and I thought that was really nice of her so I said I'd go and then we'd have another night my treat the week after. It turns out her boyfriend was on a night out too. So our night out was really turning up at the same bar and following them around. He was buying her drinks and she told me that I'd have to get someone else to pay for mine and I should maybe try flirting with someone for drinks. I told her I wanted to go and asked her if I could borrow money for a taxi and I'd give it back to her as soon as o was paid and she kicked off saying I was a bad friend for wanting to leave her alone on our night out. She then left the bar we were in while I was in the toilet, basically leaving me stranded in town. Luckily I text around and a few other friends were out so they found me, bought me shots and drinks then made sure I got home safe. I made sure I got them all drinks the next time I saw them.

Example three:
She had a big birthday and a massive party. For months leading up to it it was the sole topic of conversation. I bought her a really thoughtful gift as well as vouchers to her favourite shop and helped her mum plan surprises for her and set up the party room. My birthday was two months later. I didn't have a party but just wanted a night out. She came and left about half an hour later saying she didn't bring my present because she didn't want me carrying it around. I saw her a week later and she gave me a card with £10 in.

Example three:
She cheated on her boyfriend (now husband) and used me to cover for her. The boyfriend brought something up and I answered that I didn't know what he was taking about only to be screamed at by her in tears saying I wanted to break them up.

Example four:
She text and said "I've got your Christmas present already. Did you still want to exchange gifts? We can set a budget to save me going mad on stuff! Seen loads I want to get you!" I actually hadn't got her anything but said we could and asked what budget she was thinking of. She said £40 so I agreed and she said she knew I was busy and take ages to pick out perfect gifts but she'd love vouchers to a certain shop. They only did £25 vouchers or £50 so I ended up just getting the £50. She gave me a dress with no tags on that was about 4 sizes too small. Clearly had already been worn or at least tried on because of the deodorant marks on the sides. I told her that it didn't fit and asked if I could swap it to which she said that she'd bought it so long ago I wouldn't be able to now and she said it will fit me eventually, I just need to be more like her and get motivated to lose all the disgusting fat I'd put on. This was as I was overcoming an eating disorder and had ballooned up because I was actually eating.

Final straw:
Another birthday had been planned by another person at work after I'd left. She gave her my number and said that I'd help plan surprises for her. The simple meal and night out soon escalated to a day out, cocktail making, a night out with "vip" places booked in shit expensive bars, a night in an apartment where we would throw a surprise party before going in to town and then brunch somewhere the next day. There was also a limo and a few completely unnecessary things. Bear in mind this was all in our home town so no need to stay out or get a limo anywhere. I said that I thought the ideas were lovely but I couldn't afford to do this because I was moving in with my boyfriend and all our money was being used for furniture and rent checks/deposits. I said I'd love to meet them later on though and although the other girl was so rude about it she agreed that would be ok. At this point I wasnt too bothered about her but felt like I had to go.

The day of the " party"I fell and hurt my ankle. I couldn't walk and was sat in a&e for hours. I text friend and asked her how the party was going then apologised with a picture of my swollen ankle and said I couldn't go. Her reply was something along the lines of "I am having the best day ever and there is no need for you to come." No checking if I was ok or anything. Then after the surprise party she text and said "You asked me if I was enjoying the party before. Did you want to ruin the surprise for everyone? That's really shit of you. Are you jealous of me or something?"

I just replied saying I was jealous of her nerve and o would never ever dream of treating people the way she did and that I was done with her and her self absorbed behaviour, inviting her to get the fuck over herself.

I've not spoken to her since but saw her at a christening a few years ago and she was being followed around by two new friends expecting everyone to go over and pay some sort of tribute to her rather than just getting up and saying hi to people.

SaveBandit that's awful! But seriously, why did you put up with any of it? Just one of any of those incidents would have been the end of the friendship for me.

@BerylStreep I was just young, naive and a pushover I guess. This was all between age 16-21 and now I absolutely wouldn't put up any of that shit!

I have just thought of another young, naive and pushovery story though!

I was 19 and working as a receptionist/ admin assistant. I had been there for about a week and a half. The head of the finance department was at the photocopier one day and had clearly made a mistake somewhere and was getting stressed out. I asked if I could help at all (I didn't work for his department) and he was very grateful. Handed me a muddled up pile of photocopying and said "I need all of these separated and then put in order, there's about 12 booklets and staple each booklet together for a big meeting with every department head and the board in five minutes." Then turned away and left me there with his mess.

There was a big table in the reception/ atrium area so I quickly started sorting it all out but there was about 30 pages to a booklet and I have no idea how he managed to get it as muddled up as he did.

He then shouts down over the balcony from two floors above that he needs them now. I politely as possible shout back up that I was still trying to sort them out and I needed more time to do it. He then roars back saying he was in a hurry and needed them right away, called me stupid and said something along the lines of me not being good enough to do it. I was all panicked and shaking and hated being shouted at so was on the brink of tears! Which seems so stupid looking back now!

There was a man sat at reception who had been talking to a receptionist there who walked over and asked if he could help. Told me to not get in a flap and just take my time, not worry about that "finance nob jockey" we laughed and then he helped me sort it out and then said he'd take them up for me because he could see I was upset. Asked me where I worked and then said that he knows the manager there and will call them and tell them I was just doing a job for reception whilst I collected myself / got a chocolate bar from the vending machine.

Later the finance man comes down to see me and apologise. He said he was sorry for shouting and he was stressed but that was no excuse and he should have made copies earlier and been more prepared. I accepted his apology but also apologised myself (not sure what for but was young, naive and a pushover).

The man who had helped me popped by my department and asked if I was ok. I said I was and thanked him. We had a little chat and then he left. My head of department then comes over with the biggest grin.

It turns out that man was the new CEO of the company and he had torn the finance man a new one in the meeting when he blamed some "dumb, blonde temp" for mixing up the copies. He actually called him a cheeky fucker in the meeting

Anyway turns out the reason the finance man was in a bit of a flap to start with was because he was up to no good and about a month later he was arrested on site. He had stolen over £30000. Apparently the CEO before had believed every word the finance manager had told him and the new CEO had taken an interest in him after hearing him talk to / about me.

The CEO was such a lovely man who sadly died a few years later. I told his wife at his funeral the story of how I first met him and she said that was one of the reasons she loved him. He was always helping others and giving them a voice.

A very long time ago I worked in the same shop as my best friend...but on different shifts.
When my friend was working I would babysit her kids,I didnt have any of my own back then.
My partner attacked me.....I phoned the manager of the shop and asked for a week off to pack up my stuff,move out of the home I shared with my ex and get my head together etc.

My friend told the manager she would cover my shifts because she needed the money,she then expected me to babysit her kids while she was at work that week.
She was pissed off when I said no

We had a bbq and invited lots of friends and others that we knew, but didn't know that well yet. The invite stated bring a dish of something or a bottle to contribute. Neighbours we'd not got to know very well asked what to bring. I suggested a pudding of some sort or something along those lines. Got a message giving a choice of three cakes. Okay, I said whichever you like but the chocolate whatever it was sounded really nice.

Three of them from the same family then turned up, stuffed their faces, drank loads of wine and had a great time. As they were leaving they stuffed a bit of paper in my hand with a long, handwritten bill for the cake. They'd included everything, 15mls of milk, 1 flake for the topping, splash of vanilla (12p), etc. Couldn't believe it, CF's!

The Christmas before last, we had Christmas at DH's sisters house and then went round to DH's brother's and wife's house for Boxing Day.

The adults had a secret Santa, but in the end it wasn't very secret and we all knew who'd bought who.

I opened mine (from BIL and his wife), and my present was a big box of Jelly Babies 4 YEARS out of date

I called them out on it and there was just silence all evening. MIL then blamed me for causing tension and said it really did dampen Boxing Day that year, and to just be more gracious next time

Forgot to add, the secret Santa budget was £15!

@SaveBandit, your CEO story brought a tear to my eye. What a lovely person.

@CutesyUserName did you give them any money? 

@SaveBandit what a lovely guy. My heart sank when I read that he'd died.

I have one child who always wore new clothes and when he outgrew them i’d save them for my two younger nephews-over 17 years only got one Thanks from them for thousands of dollars of clothes in great condition. I always hear them moan about being broke but they are constantly talking about “Knowing so and so getting a discount on our mortgage,etc.” Anyhow clothes my son is done with are given to charity

Can't believe we are getting close to a full thread

I've had one recently very long one, sorry

Talking to a school mum before kids broke up about having really saved up to go somewhere the DC will really enjoy on x date and how excited they were (after her telling me about the 2 week holiday abroad they are going on, and asking what we will be doing over the summer)

Activity was on the Friday, that Monday i got a text inviting 1DC over the following day, asked me to provide lunch for her. So off she goes with her lunch. I go to pick her up and was asked for £2 because the ice cream van came round and they got ice cream, so I went and got it out of the car and gave it to her - absolutely NO problem with providing lunch, £2 seems a bit but again I had no problem with this

Then she drops the bombshell - "since we had 1DC today we thought you could have our 2DC on Friday they are really looking forward to it and I've told work I can go in so it's all worked out well hasn't it"

I had to pick my jaw up off the floor and kind of spluttered out that we can't have them Friday, that's when we are doing x, she said "oh is it friday? I couldn't remember" lying bitch "even better, they've been saying they would love to go there, they will be so excited, tell you what I will give you £10 to get them all a slush or something, my treat!"

I was stunned! She had 1 of my DC for a playdate which I was told was boring as they basically just watched tv for a few hours at her suggestion, and I had to send a packed lunch and pay her back for an ice cream...she has just decided that I will take both of her DC all day, to an expensive activity that she knows I've had to save up for, expecting me to pay for them both, and I presume lunch would have been on me too, and she's acting all generous offering £10 to pay for a slushie or something for 5 DC (My 3 and her 2)

She called my DD before I could say anything but then I just told her that it wasn't possible, it's something we were looking forward to doing as a family and they wouldn't fit in the car anyway. All three DC arrived at this point and she said to her DC "TellMeItsNotTrue has said she doesn't want you to go with them on Friday anymore" making me feel awful, and they started whining that it wasn't fair, you said we were going to x I knew she bloody knew! and pleading with me to take them. She just kept sayings "TellMeItsNotTrue doesn't want to"

I apologised and said "our car isn't big enough but I'm sure your mum will take you instead" not something I would normally do but she deserved it! led DD away to the car and left. I drove to the next street and stopped the car because my head was all over the place just told DD I had to send a message and pretended to be on my phone while I calmed down.

I felt so mean letting the DC down like that, I was even thinking is there any way I could do this shows how they get away with it doesn't it, because you don't want to do it to the DC because it's not their fault their parents are twats!

She's told a few people that I know of and probably more that I don't obviously it's her screwed up version where I promised her DC then let them down after using her for free childcare! The ones that I know of have been told what really happened

DC really enjoyed it but the day was tainted for me which annoyed me even more

Bloody hell @TellMeItsNotTrue that's terrible! I had a friend who would ask to pop over with her DS for a coffee and a catch up and then promptly decline the offer of a coffee on arrival and just "pop" to her hair appointment. Upon returning she "couldn't stop" and our so called catch up just meant I was babysitting her DS that day.

If you're around CF's kids again and it gets brought up don't pussyfoot around. Just laugh loudly at how cheeky and absurd it was that their mum was rude enough to try and make you take her kids somewhere and make you pay, Plus I assume, leave one of your own kids with a sitter so you could ft her kids in your car. "How silly and rude of mummy eh kids?"

Crikey OP, that's got to be one of the cheekiest ones on this thread .

Good for you not to give in to her. I hope you will give her a wide berth in future. I'd have nothing more to do with such a manipulative cf.

I'm not one for letting the bastards get away with anything these days. I would have loudly proclaimed about her expecting you to pay for her kids when she wouldn't even make lunch for yours. I'd have told her whiny kids that you had never offered to take them.

Anyone who would listen would be told what a cf she is. I used to get taken advantage of years ago but no longer.

I was very friendly with my neighbour. When I put my house on the market because I was getting divorced and moving away, she offered me half the value of the house, but wouldn't be able to pay me until she sold her house (which had been on the market for about 5 months at that point) but would pay me when it did sell and meantime, she would live in my house! Oddly enough, I didn't agree. I sold the house about a year later, and her house only sold last year...

The stories I could tell about my CF brother would fill a book. We have been NC for the best part of 10 years and they would be too outing. It wasn't until I cut the contact that I realised what a weight he had been around my neck.

I'm aghast at the mum expecting you to pay for an ice cream and provide lunch but expect you to take her kids for free to an expensive activity. That has to be the worst one on the thread. At least you know never to share dates ever again.

The DC get on well but they aren't best friends or anything, so I will just make sure to avoid any out of school interaction in future, there's never really been any in the past so I'm thinking someone else has got tired of being taken for a mug and she's moved on to me well she can just keep on walking because I'm not falling for it

@SwishyHairMummy Did t you have a thread on that one? Or mention it on another CF thread? I seem to remember that story? I still think of it every time I see Jelly Babies! X

When I was a student I lived with five guys. It was chaos but a lot of fun. As we were all skint to make sure all the bills got paid we each had one in our name and collected the money as an even split from our other housemates. One of them lets call him Bob said he couldn't have a bill in his name due to a previous issue so I -stupidly- put it in mine.

Bob duly collected all the money for the electricity bill. One day I came home and realised I couldn't get the cooker to work. I assumed it was a power cut before Bob coughed (after an hour) that he'd had issues with his overdraft. He had 'borrowed' the bill money to pay some of his debt off (without asking or letting any of us know) and had hidden the bills/demands so I had no idea. We had been cut off.

I was furious partly because the bill was in my name and affected my credit rating and demanded he sort it out ASAP. Sure enough, the power was quickly back on. Soon after Bob complained about being really broke and I tried to persuade him to get a crisis loan from the University Union. I couldn't work understand why he wouldn't, until after too much beer one night he admitted he had already had taken one out and used it to pay our electricity bill.

Worse still, he had blamed it all on my "poor financial planning" and told them such a sob story of me being absolutely distraught they said it was exceptional circumstances and didn't have to be paid back! I didn't get an apology and none of the rest of us ever got our money back

She's really doing the rounds with her lies side of the story dreading the DC going back to school now as I don't know who knows/believes what

Anyone got any more CF stories to cheer me up?

@TellMeItsNotTrue I hope you're putting them straight about how damned cheeky it was. The fact that there's no way to fit your kids plus hers in your car would be proof enough that it was never on the cards for you.

Sorry to hear that op. Is there a class ‘queen bee’ or massive gossip you can get your word in with? I always subtly drop in with the lady with the most connections and then just leave it with her.

But she must have form. This is high level cf. I’m sure most people will know. And your friends - the ones who count - will definitely know.

This is an old one, some how I agreed to babysit for a colleague and his wife, probably because I was a naive 20 year old. Can’t even remember how it came about. It was a Saturday in December, they had 6 children! The children were well behaved but 6! Didn’t even get a box of chocs or bottle of wine as a thank you, saved them a fortune. I never babysat for them again

The ones who have mentioned it have all totally believed my side of it, but I'm not sure how many others have been told and whether they believe it or not

The ones who have told me fit in to two categories -
WTF actually happened, and are you aware she's telling people this, because I sure as hell know what she's told me is a lie
So what happened with you and X's mum? She said... (More looking for a bit of gossip and the full story as not convinced that's all there was to it)

So they all pretty much believed my side of things without any persuading because they didn't accept what she's told them anyway. So I'm thinking there will be a third group of people who have just believed her and therefore will be thinking bad of me