Regale me with Cheeky Fucker stories

[TellMeItsNotTrue]

I'm stuck in bed feeling ill, bored and pissed off with the whole situation, AIBU to ask you to entertain me with your tales of CFs?

BTW daily fail and other websites/newspapers can fuck off, my fee for this piece of journalism is 2 million pounds and a takeaway pizza, non-negotiable so if you don't agree to those terms then kindly FTFOTFOSM

The only one I can think of at the moment is last year when a neighbour knocked at our house, we get on great with most of our neighbours but this one looks down her nose at everyone and keeps herself to herself. She told me that I needed to make sure I was home the following day I asked why and was told I needed to be in for the delivery wasn't my birthday and didn't have anything ordered so I asked what was being delivered and how did she know "oh it's not for YOU tinkly laugh no, its from laura Ashley you see" still none the wiser I ask who it's for then and why do I have to be in "well because they said it will be tomorrow and I have appointments! I will be getting my hair done and of course my nails, so I've told them to deliver it here" she then walked off leaving me with my jaw on the floor. I made sure I was out the following day and just put the we missed you card through her door when I got home, not spoken a word to me since, but that isn't unusual for her anyway

A colleague came to see me at my house. When her phone rang she disappeared into the hall to answer it. She was gone for ages and when I went to investigate I found her lying on my bed with her shoes on STILL chatting on her phone.

All the delivery ones have reminded me of my own. Now I'm happy to sign for neighbours parcels if I'm home, no skin of my nose etc At a previous home, I was taking in quite a few for one particular house. After a spate of about 10 parcels in 3 days, the postman, clearly pissed off on my behalf, pointed out that they had put my address down as a "safe place". They didn't even say hello to us in the street, let alone ask if they could use me as their personal sorting office! I declined all parcels for them after that.

We had signed a lease for a 6 month rental while we waited to complete on our house. Paying a LOT of rent for the "privilege". Day before we were due to move in with our entire house load of stuff the agent called to say they had stuffed up the dates and not arranged to move out until the day AFTER we were due to move in. They asked if we would mind moving in and spending the first night with them....furniture, cat, one 6 month old, a 6 yr old and hubby and I - I'm not sure where they thought we would all be sleeping...?

fattuatara What happened in the end?!

A friend basically hoodwinked me into collecting her child from school and keeping her for a couple of hours one day a week. To say she was a challenging child would be an understatement.

I was running late to collect my DC on another day, and phoned friend to ask if she was still at school and explained I was running late. Before I could even ask if she would mins picking up my child, she said, 'that's fine, I'll let school know you'll be late.'

I was and WTF? After a whole term of collecting her child when I hadn't even offered? I told her some weeks later that I wouldn't be able to do it any more as I my work schedule was changing, and last I heard she had hoodwinked another parent into doing the same, after unsuccessfully trying a few others.

She hasn't spoken to me since I said I could no longer do it, (3 years ago) so it was sort of a painful way to discover it wasn't actually much of a friendship.

Another parking one, same set up as I have currently, corner plot, no offstreet parking but a garage at the side (this was right next to a school which was a nightmare in itself), one of the neighbours whose garden backed onto the same alley as us, was always having work done on his property. He used to put out cones over mine and my neighbors garage to "save" his builders a space to put their van. I used to go apeshit at them. Another neighbour who lived further up that road once parked over my garage and when I asked her to move, got really shitty with me. used to pay a big premium in that area to have parking as well 😡

I lived in a building with a very limited parking in an area where street parking was a nightmare. We had to pay for spaces and these would only come up if someone moved out. I finally secured a space and few months in I got a very strongly worded email from the managing agents about subletting my space on a nationwide parking space website. They knew because a man turned up and requested access and when challenged by caretaker he gave my name as the person who was subletting. I was so utterly mystified and upset that I actually asked my DP if he did this behind my back. He didn’t. I spent an afternoon googling and looking at if I’ve been a victim of stolen identity by someone who knew so much about me.

It turned out that another person in the building was subletting her space which she gained while having no car (managing agents went on her word) but to avoid getting in trouble she used my name. That was one time that instead of discussing things like an adult I actually ended up screaming at someone.

In-laws regularly have house parties and bbq's for close friends and family. One Christmas they threw a Christmas party on Christmas Day, to which they invited a married couple who they're good friends with. This couple have an 18 yr old daughter whose a bit of a major pisshead. She's never interested in coming to in-laws parties...which is fair enough, She's 18, life of my her own with her own friends, doesn't want to hang out with oldies. But this Christmas day evening their daughter rings (after being out on the piss all day), asked what food and drink had been laid on at my in-laws party, caught a taxi over, made her mum pay for the taxi on her arrival, stuffed herself for 30 mins with free food and booze that all invited guests had chipped in with, filled an empty litre bottle of water with vodka, called another taxi which she made mummy dearest pay for again and then fucked off as she'd rung around some mates and had found invited herself to a more interesting party to freeload at.

She did the same a following summer at FILs birthday bbq...spent the day with a mate getting pissed, arrived home and got the munchies but couldn't be arsed to cook so called her mum and demanded she come home to cook her something. Mum says "oh I can't sweetie, I'm at Ghouls FILs birthday bbq. You'll have to wait until I get home". Daughter demands to know what time that will be. Mum can't give her a definitive answer, she's enjoying herself so will be home when she's home. Daughter again catches taxi to in-laws, makes mum pay for taxi, eats a ton of bbq food, drinks a ton of booze within just half an hour, then rings a taxi to fuck off home again.

Not a single thank you. Barely even a conversation. Just sits bitching about and humiliating her mother.

Brat

SIL asked DH if he wanted to be involved in arranging a party for their parents' wedding anniversary. He said he thought it would be lovely to do something for them, thinking of a party at the house, or a small meal out.

She phoned the next day asking for a cheque for £2k as she 'had it all planned out' and 'had a vision of how it was going to be'. She basically held a repeat wedding at their original wedding venue, sit down dinner for 50 of their closest friends, speeches etc. When DH suggested something a bit more low key she didn't want to know. DH didn't pay and SIL told tales to her parents that he was tight and didn't care. I suspect they ended up paying for the whole lot.

I said "not on your nelly" or words to that effect and told them we'd be moving in as originally planned. They then tried to get us to pay for their night in a hotel...there was a lot of swearing going on at this point. They moved out and we weren't forced to sleep with them (though they did leave their enormous black waterbed complete with red fairy lights) for our "pleasure" 😬

Ds1's birthday party at the weekend, where I had paid £10 per head + food for the 13 invited guests to do an activity. Three parents turned up with older siblings (unannounced) and promptly told them to go join in. I stopped them and explained politely (in case they are stupid, and not just rude) "I've paid per head for the invited guests. I haven't paid for X, Y, and Z, so they can't do the activity I'm afraid". Mumbled, vaguely disgruntled responses in reply from CFparents. I walk away to organise catering, and my husband later informs me that the 3 CFchildren had gone and joined in anyway and the activity leader had had to stop everyone and ask those 3 to leave.

Then whilst the invited guests were eating the food I had paid for and organised, 2 of the CFchildren followed me about with puppy dog eyes, droning "I'm soooo hungry.... im soooo thirsty" ad nauseum. Whilst their disinterested fathers sat in the cafe drinking coffee and eating crisps! Not the kids faults, but it put me in a position of feeling really awkward & mean. I gave them each a drink, then when they continued with "I'm so hungry, I'm still thirsty" I eventually snapped and said "then go and tell your dads."

Not poor families either, all in private school.

We were getting married and my DW (DGF at the time) asked her sister to be her maid of honour. She agreed and then gave us a list of dates that did not suit her.
I moved out on the Friday to the hotel where we were having our reception (it seemed romantic to have that night apart). SIL arrived and told my DW that her friend was coming to the wedding and my DW would need to drive into the city to get her from the train station as she did not want to get a bus or taxi. This was on her wedding day.
After the wedding my SIL complained to my DW that she was not introduced to everyone who was at the wedding.
The story does have a happy ending my DW and SIL had a disagreement three years ago and SIL has not been in touch since, the silence is perfect.

I remembered another! My DHs friend from overseas came and stayed with us for a week. During that time he complained about a dinner I cooked (he didn't feel like fish that night!) and told us to be quiet when he was watching tv! He also made a few messes in the bathroom that my poor DH cleaned up before I saw. When he left he didn't even thank us for having him to stay. Not once while he stayed did he offer to sort dinner out/get food in despite using our house as a base to go sightseeing etc in a very expensive tourist spot.
Since then he's asked to visit every year ... strangely his dates have always coincided with us being away or having other visitors!

Been reading the classic CF thread. I'm quite a giving person and am happy to put myself out for people and while I've never personally experienced cheeky fuckery on the scale some people have, I have been mildly taken advantage off (friends asking to share a cab but have no money to pay, figuring I'd have taken the cab without them anyway, neighbour calling in with her little kids who were apparently nagging to see me, or was just my crisps/chocolate stash she wanted to raid). I have become a little less amenable as I age but I just can't understand the mentality of CF's. It's like they're on another planet to me.

Ive found my bedtime reading

expatinscotland

Fortunately NDN politely explained that her dear son's activities clashed with our dear children's activities and so she would be better with somebody else. She grabbed my arm and led me out.

Blooming cheek to think that we would do ALL the school runs, look after her seven year old after school AND ferry him to various activities, not forgetting to give him milk and biscuits and not be late!

When I first learned to drive a few years ago, a coworker at my saturday job wanted a lift home one night. Fair enough, it was on my way home and I didn't want her walking home at midnight. Next time I worked with her, she'd moved and expected me to drive half an hour extra to drop her off! I told her to ring a taxi.

Back when I was still at the toddler group stage of parenting, I went to a small and lovely group where we all ended up being friends. It was really nice until one of the mums took on the role of organiser. She was friendly enough, but her children were incredibly spoilt and she would pander to them in a way I've never seen before or since - the stories I could tell would make your hair curl.

We paid £3 each to attend the group, and this was our tea and biscuits fund, plus hall rental (cheap as chips)

Over the years, this money had built up, and when Spoilt Mum took over there was £600 or so in the group bank account.

Long story short, she decided to buy some new toys for the group - ride ons, that sort of thing. We all thought this was a brilliant idea. So did her 3 year old DD, who went shopping with her, and had full control over the choice of toys. Instead of the ride ons and good solid wooden toys we'd agreed upon, we ended up with flimsy shit that was totally inappropriate and would break after five minutes with one child using them, never mind 30.

To add insult to injury, the DD was allowed to take half the toys home with her after every group. The mum would fill up her Land-rover with them, DD would play with them all week, then return them (well, most of them) the following week

So we basically funded her DD's new toy haul

Of course the DD was incredibly spoilt, and thought the toys belonged to her, so every week she'd run screaming to her mum because another child had hold of "her" toy.

Eventually most of the toys disappeared for good. Spoilt mum made noises about how she was keeping them at home for her own DD, as it was just "too upsetting" to go through the same thing every week. She promised she'd replace the toys and money.

She continued to run the club for a few years after her children had aged out, as mine had. But I heard from the original mums with younger children, that when she finally gave it up, there wasn't a penny left in the bank account and 3/4 of the toys were gone for good.

my old (thank god) NDN used to let her kids knock on my door allllllllllllllllll the time, I noticed whenever I'd come home from a food shop they would be there within minutes of me arriving home.. I'd let them in... low and behold they would start to complain they were hungry. I'd give them snacks but then they would ask for more and more I had to start sending them home instead.

she asked me to babysit every Friday for 2 hours whilst she did a cleaning job I agreed but she would start coming back later and later not leaving nappies or food, then saying can I pay you next week as she would give me £10 to do this, first week it was £10 then ohhhh I've only got £7 this week is that OK until she owed me about 4 weeks money, I told her I had to look after my nan on Fridays now so couldn't do it..

she would knock on pretty much daily asking for sugar or butter or eggs or something. my DP who I own a house with now was just my BF at the time and when he would visit they wouldn't knock on as he had had a run in with NDN husband regarding their dog (NDNH would shout at the dog to shut up when he had done nothing wrong my DP didn't like it so he made it known) when we got our house made it clear they were not to know where we lived.

I always felt sorry for the kids. I think the CF NDN used me, my food and childcare.

even on the Fridays when she would pick her DD up she would say oh let me go get a nappy she would disappear without taking her DD with her then I'd go out and she would be having a spliff outside her house.. what happened to getting the nappy????

oo another.. I went on a night out when my DD was 2yro went to a friends for a few drinks before hand with another friend and the friend who's house it was had invited her friend I'd never met before. all good we were all having a chat and a laugh I'd brought a bottle of vodka with me, I was only having two drinks then I would have collected the bottle the next day.

now my friends friend let's call her Dumbass, had a DD of her own, whom was living with her parents as she had issues and wasn't capable of looking after her herself, I did not judge her as she was a young mum (as was I but I understood it was hard) apparently she had set a fire in her house for attention.. but I don't know.

anyway.. when I went to the toilet Dumbass said to my other 2 friends that I needed to get my priorities straight going out when I have a DD.

she then fucked off an downed my full bottle of vodka...

I'm sorry but my DD was 2 years old this was my 2nd night out since having her.. she didn't even has custody of her DD was out every weekend getting drunk, doing odd things for attention and then downed a full bottle of vodka that would have lasted me God knows how long!

think she's a CFB telling my friends who know me better than anyone that I needed to get my priorities straight. cow.

DH had a friend that lived with him at his mum and dad's. DH shared a car with his mum and we wanted to go out for a whole day, but his mum was babysitting GC later that day.

DH asked his friend to drop his mum over to her GC and he made out it was the biggest favour ever. No mention of the fact that he'd lived with Mil and Fil for 3 years, paying no rent and having his meals provided and washing done

And yet a 15 minute lift was apparently a really big deal.

We need an entire dedicated cf subforum. These are marvellous.

someone asked what CFN means

CF stands for Cheeky Fucker
If you add another letter on the end it is usually N for neighbour, or else a normal mn one eg CFBIL is Cheeky Fucker brother in law

in my case CFB was cheeky fucking bitch 😙

Went on holiday abroad with DH when our kids were 2 and 3. At the evening kids disco a single mum asked if we could look after her child while she went to the toilet. We said OK, the mum pointed at the wrong child (luckily we recognised her actual child because she'd had her 3rd birthday the night before). Then she went to the toilet and I kid you not, she never came back. I was having to stop a little 3 year old girl (who didn't know me whatsoever) from running away for a good 20 minutes until her young teenage sister came and got her without any words to us at all. (Luckily we also recognised the sister from the night before!)