Regale me with Cheeky Fucker stories

[TellMeItsNotTrue]

I'm stuck in bed feeling ill, bored and pissed off with the whole situation, AIBU to ask you to entertain me with your tales of CFs?

BTW daily fail and other websites/newspapers can fuck off, my fee for this piece of journalism is 2 million pounds and a takeaway pizza, non-negotiable so if you don't agree to those terms then kindly FTFOTFOSM

The only one I can think of at the moment is last year when a neighbour knocked at our house, we get on great with most of our neighbours but this one looks down her nose at everyone and keeps herself to herself. She told me that I needed to make sure I was home the following day I asked why and was told I needed to be in for the delivery wasn't my birthday and didn't have anything ordered so I asked what was being delivered and how did she know "oh it's not for YOU tinkly laugh no, its from laura Ashley you see" still none the wiser I ask who it's for then and why do I have to be in "well because they said it will be tomorrow and I have appointments! I will be getting my hair done and of course my nails, so I've told them to deliver it here" she then walked off leaving me with my jaw on the floor. I made sure I was out the following day and just put the we missed you card through her door when I got home, not spoken a word to me since, but that isn't unusual for her anyway

I provide a paid for professional service. A lady rang me saying she was doing the thing I do herself so it was free - but could I tell her what she should write / what she needs to think about. Err no fuck off!

By the way OP are you feeling better?!

I have a very cheeky neighbour. He asks to use my jet spray outside my house with my water as he is on a water meter. Sometimes he helps himself to it and plugs it in in my porch. Last time he managed to wash his car, his wife"s and son's too. He walked into my kitchen and filled his bucket up with hot water unannounced.
I have just bought a new battery operated lawn mower and he asked to borrow it as he has no room to store one of his own..... he has a big summer house in his garden.
He is a CF big time...... his wife is so lovely....

@sobby how does he get away with that?!

I live in a small block of flats with a lovely shared garden. We all pay equally towards the maintenance of the garden - and it's quite a lot. Our downstairs neighbours have three kids. The children are ALWAYS out in the garden. They host birthday parties with bouncy castles and 40 odd guests out there - without mentioning it to anyone else living in the flats. A few weeks ago they emailed everyone to ask if anyone minded if they built a play shed for the children in the garden.

Oddly enough, quite a few people minded...

Not sure it's a cf story but next door neighbours ( just over three years in) have done all sorts to their house. Lots of banging, drilling, never said anything just let them get on with it.
One morning at 8-30 woke up thinking I was at the dentist . With the sound of drilling going on outside our bedroom window. They were having Yorkshire stone cladding removed and having to replaced with just plain rendering. You would have thought they could have warned us...but anyway we got over it.

So, I came home one day and she's washing my bedroom window! ( bungalow, bedroom downstairs at front)
My jaw dropped. Apparently she was worried about the the brick dust from all the filling!
Despite my protestations that it really didn't matter, the window cleaner would sort it out, she carried on.😱😱 we don't have blinds or nets....the bed is always made though!

So this year we've had a lot of work done. Some of it they've benefited from because we put in a new concrete path and rendered our property so they both look nicer.
Anyway, after the rendering was finished dh went along to apologise for any dust. She was ok with it.
Then the next day she came along and ranted about our window cleaner going past her window when he'd finished ours, our workmen cutting over her grass, our skip was too full. Her diatribe was peppered with I don't want to fall out but..... I just had to say something...

Okay it's annoying...but why tell us when the work is all finished and we can't do anything about it. Half the time we aren't in when the window cleaner comes and when we do see them it's a different one every time.

I just wish they'd be a bit more laid back.

.

I have 2 stories. Actually about 1 friend I have a whole book worth, but here goes.

First friend, arch-CF has a very odd attitude to money. From a very wealthy family and lives very very comfortably herself in a huge character home, yet would penny pinch down to a ha'penny. I could regale you with tales forever of her cheeky-fucker ways but this is the earliest I recall. I had only known her a couple of months, new to the area, she lived around the corner at the time (has now gone upmarket) and we had toddler children. I mentioned I was going to buy a garden slide for my children. She said 'don't worry, I can get you one for £30'. She was then very particular about when I could have it, had to be on a day when my next door neighbours weren't in. It turned out my next door neighbour had said she could have their second hand slide for nothing. She decided to take it, charge me £30 and then ask my DH to fetch it round from next door! NDN's were horrified when they saw & said they'd have given it to us for free if they'd known. Call me a sap but this woman is still a friend 15 years on, I just don't trust or give an inch on anything any more.

Other story is of a CF couple who showed up to a village pub quiz night. We'd set up a kitty for the team which I was in charge of. They showed up late, ordered drinks paid for from the kitty yet never contributed to it. Towards the end I went to the loo and they asked me for the kitty, I assumed to buy us all a round. Nope. They left taking the kitty with them!

I'm currently trying to sell some too small nappies.

One woman said she like them but can I meet her at the local Starbucks near her. Fine I thought I'll do her a favour. When I agree to her time of 2.30, she then says how about 6.30. I couldn't do that as I have the DC and DH abroad so don't want to drag them out. Then she asks if I can drop them to her house which is near the Starbucks. Fine, I have an errand to do which takes me past her house I can do that the next day. She says anytime is good she'll be home. Next day arrives, I message her after Dr appt and say I'll be passing in 30mins. She messages to say she's gone out and is at a sushi restaurant and can I meet her there! Fine, I have to drive by the address to get home so I pass by the address she gave me, only there is no sushi restaurant. At that point I gave up and told her I had better things to do than run around town after her.

All for the sake of $10 and I still have the fuckers. Every other person has also let me down. I hate selling things but I've given so much away over the years and always buy my own shit that I actually want a little cash back for a change.

A brand new CF has just hatched.

Last night my housemate, who has had his licence disqualified for a few years, asked me to drive him to work. He would give me something towards the petrol costs which is nice. But I really don't want to get up in the morning before 6am and drive in peak hour traffic for at least an hour and then drive again in the afternoon peak to pick him up. So a minimum of 2 hours for someone I barely know. Believe or not I declined.

Another reason, that he would not be aware of, is my vehicle insurance would increase. My policy is cheaper as I chose the "I drive only 100kms or less per week" option. Two days of driving him would be about that.

A mum from school who thought that she was better than everyone else (used to swan past us normal beings to catch up daily with teachers) one day she rang me out of the blue really chatty and then proceeded to ask me to give her daughter a lift to the after school club in the village! I stupidly said yes as I was already picking my DD from school and was basically round the corner. Yet still in playground and social events she would totally blank me. The following September my daughter wanted to walk home so I told this mum that I wouldn't be taking her daughter to the after school club anymore and she basically went ape shit at me and told me how unreliable and what a let down I was! Oh yeah and also she didn't work either so WTF.

Soooo many from BIL and SIL
*letting MIL bring up their kids
*dropping their DCs to MIL to go to the dentist/shopping/do washing. Not sure they realise there's a machine that washes clothes and that kids are portable.

*wanting to announce their pregnancy over Christmas lunch when I was the only one in the family who didn't know (I did know) and we were undergoing genetic testing to see if we could have another child
*asking us to babysit their unborn baby (while they wanted me kept in the dark about pregnancy) when baby would've been about three weeks old so they could go on a trip
*insisting we have Christmas at theirs then making MIL do all the work because SIL was 'ill' (she stayed in a darkened room in pyjamas)
*BIL stays over PIL's house at least twice a week with one of their DCs if not both despite FIL being chronically ill so SIL can 'have a break'
*ringing my husband in work ranting because our DD stayed with ILs for a few hours because she'd had a slight runny bum the day before and school had a policy of 48 hours return. Despite them passing on a vicious stomach bug to DD from their child after yet another weekend stay when they dumped their child to go away (again) and our DD was three months old
*writing a SN blog on their child for sympathy when they drop her as ILs at the drop of a hat
*asking for very expensive, very specific presents from us
*not allowing ILs to clear BILs stored crap from their garage

I sold a large cabinet on Gumtree (for free), a big dresser type thing. All measurements included and after a few people refused it due to size I made this very clear and confirmed with buyers.
Anyway, bloke shows up. Takes the cabinet on a trolley up the street. We have a long driveway so I waved him goodbye with relief. I cancel the few people who were still enquiring.

30 mins later i get a text. 'Didn't fit in van, gone to get another vehicle'. I'm like.. ok. Then asked, so, um, where is it now??

Anyway, the CF had brought it up and left it on the grass verge. A long distance from my door, in the rain, on the drenched grass. No response to messages, and when I called it didn't connect. Did the guy get some kind of burner phone for messing people around when giving away goods!? Wtf?

So, now I'm stuck with a fly tipped dresser, which is being significantly damaged, and I have to lift/drag the bloody thing back to the house. No one else wants it as its now damaged. I ended up with it clogging the place up for ages until the next council large goods collection when I had to drag it up the street again. Bloody annoying

Years ago we had a CFN. She was the extremely nosy, always in your business type. I think she must have sat next to her front window all day watching us come and go.
Anyway she had a gardener that came at least once a fortnight to trim her lawn etc. One day she bangs on my door (I was home sick from work), wakes me out of my sleep, to tell me that my lawn is not as nice as hers and looks ugly. Apparently we had different types of lawn. She insists that we will need to pull up our lawn and lay down fresh grass.
I told her to get to fuck and shut the door.

Only a minor one, but a friend at uni would have a lost on her noticeboard of who owed her money and how much they owed. Always exact amounts like £5.50. Just small sums she’d lent out here and there.

One night out she ran out of cash and didn’t have a card with her, so she asked me to take some money out for her. The machine in the club had a fee for taking out cash, something like £1.75 - I checked she was happy with this before I withdrew the cash; I assumed as such a penny pincher she would appreciate that this was her fee to pay given I wouldn’t have been at the cash machine otherwise.

Obviously she only ever paid the £10 and not the fee. Not an amount worth worrying about but I was so peeved at the time over the principle of it!

*list

SIL didn't invite me to her hen do, but was also cross that I didn't attend

BIL and SIL taking any opportunity they can to not parent their kids. If you go on a walk with them, they steam ahead and leave you looking after DN.

Was bridesmaid for my brother's wedding. Got on fairly well with his now wife before hand but she was always a bit cheeky. She's come round to ours and help herself to food and coffee all the time, drink my wine, smoke my cigarettes etc etc.
Would invite herself along with my DP and DD for days out and then have no money to pay so DP had to.

A few months before they were due to get married, I had a monumental breakdown. I was taking a lot of different pills to try and stabilise my mood etc. I didn't leave my bed. I barely spoke to anyone. I wouldn't answer the phone. Leaving the house was like climbing Mount Everest. SIL to be was aware of all of this. We all assumed she'd understand. When it came to her hen weekend, I got texts about how I was "letting people down" and I "had a responsibility as a bridesmaid to do things for her"
I wasn't even taking my own DD to school or spending time with her. I nearly got admitted to hospital.

She never apologised. When she got pregnant shortly after, she ended up having all the stuff I'd saved of DDs. I got pregnant just after DN was born. Everything was ruined. I'd saved stuff cause we were skint (they're not) and I had to go out and buy new. I also spent the first few months after DN was born doing anything and everything I could - including two lots of babysitting all day. When my DS was born I was totally alone. DP went back to work after paternity and DB and SIL never came to see me or help out at all - despite driving past several days a week.

Basically SIL is a constant CF with everyone. It pisses me off but she ends up getting away with it because of how much we love my DB.

I had just moved into my new flat, a first time purchase. That very evening my upstairs neighbour, who owned the top floor flat, told me she wanted to extend her flat down to the common landing on the first floor, i.e. to just outside my front door. It would have utterly ruined the look of a handsome old house but I was so shocked I said yes, then realised the next day I had made a terrible mistake.
I eventually plucked up the courage to tell her that the common parts were called that for a reason, that they did not belong to her. She didn't go ahead with the extension but she did flood me the following year with a leaking washing machine.

Two of our oldest friends had bought a holiday house in a lovely part of the country. We were invited to stay for a few days but in the lead up (months) were constantly told about how much it cost them to have friends to stay as they couldn’t rent it out then. Fair enough, so we turn up with several meals prepared plus cakes and not one or 2 bottles of wine but a whole case. We had also said that we would like to take them out for a meal as I had heard a very nice restaurant had opened near them (latter was declined as would have had to book babysitters but we did pay for a meal out for all of us including kids).
When we arrived they said they would need to go to the supermarket as don’t keep food there due to renting it out. I volunteered to go with the DH. When we got there he realised that he had forgotten to bring his wallet, but I said I would pay and he said he would refund me. He proceeded to load up the trolley with masses of stuff, as they were staying there a while & had other friends coming to stay later that week. He also put in lots of toiletries and a big pack of nappies for their youngest. Came to over £200. Never repaid.
We subsequently bought a holiday house in another part of the country and had them to stay several times. They never brought so much as a bottle of wine or offered to pay for lunch out, despite us feeding and watering them royally. Nor were we invited to stay with them again.
Do not feel guilty about subsequently ghosting them!

Think I've posted about this one before. When my son went to cubs another mum (who I knew from school - Nice Mum or NM) asked if I wanted to share pick ups. I agreed as it meant we only each had to do it every other week. However she already had an arrangement with another mum (CFM) that she also collected her son and dropped him home as CFM didn't drive and had other (older) children. It wasn't much bother so I didn't mind dropping CFM's son home when it was my turn.

I then had a baby and NM insisted on covering all weeks until the new born stage had passed. NM then needed an operation and I agreed to cover all weeks until she recovered. CFM did none.
One day I texted CFM to say that my car was in for repair so I would go on foot (with pram) to collect boys (15-20 mins walk home). She replied to say her son didn't like walking so she'd get her husband to collect him in the car!!! No offer of a lift for my son or NM's son!!!

I was so gobsmacked I didn't say anything but the next week I asked if her husband would do the pick ups alternate weeks. They agreed very grudgingly but after 3 weeks said their son had decided he didn't want to go to cubs any more.

On another occasion CFM asked me to give her and her son a lift home from a birthday party. I agreed - was on the way home - She sat in total silence and ignored my polite attempts at conversation. They got out. No thank you and her son left a trail of wrappers and crumbs from his party bag all over the back seat. Oh and told me "My mum's boobs are much bigger than yours." Er, OK.

I'm in a well known long standing group for female fellowship. We often hold events for charity in halls etc and are asked to bake cakes for coffee mornings or cake sells . Often the committee will buy the ' best ' ones stating there will be too many to sell.
Also going back a good few years ago my dad ( now passed away ) would bring his mates to my house for a nosy when me and new husband had just bought our first house. He would also raid my wardrobe as a teenager to give my clothes away to a couple who were not working and had kids around my age.

A few years ago I worked in a pub. One of the evening shifts was 6pm-11pm while the other was 7-closing time, meaning that you had to stay past 1am by the time you'd cleaned up and mopped the floors etc.

I was due to do the 6-12 shift after a long run of closing shifts, so I was really looking forward to an 'early' night (relatively speaking). The day before, my colleague who was due on the closing shift asked if I would swap with her. I said sorry, no, I really REALLY can't handle another closing shift this week. She said OK, no problem.

I got to work at 6 and the boss said someone had called in sick so I might have to stay until closing (i.e. do an even longer shift) which I was gutted about, but knew there wouldn't be much I could do about it.

Anyway, my colleague showed up for work at 7 and a few hours later the boss said 'actually I don't think we're going to be that busy after all, I think I only need one of you for closing' and my cheeky colleague immediately jumped up and said 'oh great, thanks, I'll go!' and bloody left

I was furious and still feel angry whenever I think about it!