Regale me with Cheeky Fucker stories

[TellMeItsNotTrue]

I'm stuck in bed feeling ill, bored and pissed off with the whole situation, AIBU to ask you to entertain me with your tales of CFs?

BTW daily fail and other websites/newspapers can fuck off, my fee for this piece of journalism is 2 million pounds and a takeaway pizza, non-negotiable so if you don't agree to those terms then kindly FTFOTFOSM

The only one I can think of at the moment is last year when a neighbour knocked at our house, we get on great with most of our neighbours but this one looks down her nose at everyone and keeps herself to herself. She told me that I needed to make sure I was home the following day I asked why and was told I needed to be in for the delivery wasn't my birthday and didn't have anything ordered so I asked what was being delivered and how did she know "oh it's not for YOU tinkly laugh no, its from laura Ashley you see" still none the wiser I ask who it's for then and why do I have to be in "well because they said it will be tomorrow and I have appointments! I will be getting my hair done and of course my nails, so I've told them to deliver it here" she then walked off leaving me with my jaw on the floor. I made sure I was out the following day and just put the we missed you card through her door when I got home, not spoken a word to me since, but that isn't unusual for her anyway

In our flat there were two spaces, one for us, one for upstairs. We lived off a station car park (100+ free to use spaces!) yet our upstairs NDN sister came every day almost and used to pinch our space so we had to ask them to move when returning from work and they'd often block us in too! For the sake of a 3 metre walk....

One of my friend's is a CF with money ...
She would invite us round for dinner and then charge us for the cost of ingredients (this would be after we'd turned up with flowers/bottle of wine etc). Suffice to say we didn't accept many invitations after we realised this was a regular thing!

Not so much cheeky as just batshit. My parents next door neighbour has complained about caterpillars on her white windowsills. Apparently they are coming from DParents garden not either of the fields surrounding her house and they need to do something about it.

No idea what they are supposed to do about it.

When DS1 was about 10, a neighbour/mum I had a very loose 'lift share' arrangement with (so she had permission to pick up DS from school) collected him 10 mins early one day without pre-arranging/telling me. I turned up at school to find he wasn't there (panic!) and then was told she'd taken him home.
I got back home, a bit annoyed and flustered, to find her waiting with DS on the doorstep and she promptly asked if her DS (who my DS didn't particularly like) could come for a sleepover the following day 'seeing as she'd done the school run today, and she had to go to a meeting tomorrow'

Many years ago a neighbour was telling me how she had been offered an amazing 2 week trip to Japan but wasn't sure what to do about her cat. I volunteered to go in twice a day and feed and water her and check all was ok. As delighted as she was with my offer, when I went around to get instructions etc I was told what food to purchase, I mentioned that I assumed she would purchase the food, she replied, "oh if you get to pet my cat for two weeks, should be prepared to feed her" well my gob was well and truly smacked, cheeky mare. Stupid me did.

'Talk about speechless.'

You did tell her no, right? The reason CF's get away with it is because people are flabbergasted and speechless and don't do anything. That's understandable the first time but after that, surely you know what's coming? The friends who came over and poached your parent's food and gifts, Horton, who are Earth would let them away with that?

I had a so-called friend who found out I liked to cook and batched cooked on Sundays (so all I had to do was microwave my dinner and to avoid buying lunch at work), who started popping round then with 'Something smells good' and hints for being given some and finally coming round with own container (to make it easier). It right fucked me off because she had a smashing job whereas I was a legal secretary working on temp contracts, newly separated and living in a studio flat. And flabber that was gasted was erased by the fact I had about $25USD/week to spend on food all in. I was using a slow cooker even to make porridge breakfast for the week to save on leccy and if she took it I'd have to go without. 'This is my food for hte week. I make it at once to save power because I don't have much money. If you want some, sorry, but I'll need some money. Let's see, $5 for a container that size.'

I literally could not afford to not say anything, I was sailing so close to the wind. 'I thought you'd take it as a compliment that people want to eat your delicious food!' because that is exactly what such entitled fuckers think! They don't give a fuck that you're sick of eating lentil hotpot for dinner a week straight but you have no money for any other food until payday or that something you have you might have worked a second job for. And it's rarely those who are on the bones of their arse.

I answered the door to a delivery of a king size bed for neighbours and obviously I refused. I was shown the delivery note which said, 'if no answer at no 1, deliver to no 2. We'd never even spoken to the neighbours beyond the occasional hello, and certainly no mention of a delivery.
The guy from house no 1 came round in the evening and told me how fucking rude I am, he knew I didn't work and it'd have only been blocking my stairs for a few hours.

My husband's SIL invited herself and her kids to stay with DH and his terminally ill mother (he worked and took care of her). Fair enough. She stayed for the whole summer holiday and took my husband's car when she felt like it, used his phone for long distance calls and contributed nothing to the household. Then she got herself a job and registered the kids for school. MIL had to babysit, or she said she's just let the kids wander about the village while she was out.
She was asked to move out or get her name on the council list, but she refused. She stayed for a year and eventually MrZ(we hadn't met then) asked her if she would mind taking his mother somewhere. She took his car and then had the nerve to charge her own MIL for the fuel!
Eventually MrZ gave her and her CF husband (who moved in too after nearly a year) a house he'd inherited, just to make them go away. They came back every day though, to drop the kids off...
The cherry of the top of their cheeky-fucker cake was the complaint that MrZ shouldn't have given them the smaller free house, he should have moved out of his own house because they needed the space more.
We got married not long after and the cheeky-fucker gravy train has been decommissioned. The two facts are connected.

A male friend who will always ask around to see if he can borrow/get something needs or wants for free before he buys it, has recently mentioned they are coming to mine for a big birthday! Think we may have family staying then!

sodaface are you still a member of the PTA? Council estate buns .

'A male friend who will always ask around to see if he can borrow/get something needs or wants for free before he buys it, has recently mentioned they are coming to mine for a big birthday! Think we may have family staying then!'

Why would you even entertain having them over when a) you know he rips the piss b) he invited himself? Just tell him now, 'Sorry, we're already entertaining then, you'll need to plan something else.'

My opposite neighbour...

• covered his driveway with a huge garage (with no planning permission!) that edged on to the pavement but was always too lazy to reverse his car in to it so would always park on the road, opposite our driveway even though the whole road was empty, essentially blocking us in most day because the road was so narrow.
• when we had a skip at the back of our drive, would come over when our car was gone and rummage through it and take stuff away. If he's asked we'd have said yes, but he would always do this sneakily when he assumed we were all out.
• emptied a bucket of cement dregs over my flower bed and splatterred up our house wall 😡
• told us we were wrong and stupid in our choice of kitchen cabinet height 🤔 weird
• and best of all...brought his laptop over to be 'fixed' (we're not IT experts but he assumed we'd know all about technology because we were younger!) when there was nothing wrong with it, we naively went online using our wifi on his laptop to help him find and download a new version of something...he said he had deleted our login...but of course he hadn't! It took us a few weeks to realise he was still using it across the road!

I could keep going all night with tales of stuff he did and said to us and other people! Nasty and cheeky fucker.

My sister's BF rings me before they buy anything, hopefully I may have it and save them money. Suncream, enevelopes, sanitary towels, glue You name it, I've been asked for it

I've remembered another one! Night out celebrating a friend's birthday. A friend of hers we had only met a couple of times comes to. We go out for dinner, she necks cocktails like there is no tomorrow. Bill comes and we split it, I pay cash, get no change- she pays last, by card (doesn't take a detective to work out where my change went). We then go to a club and she suggests a kitty. We all put £20 in to start and she immediately took charge and headed to the bar(we had a booth). She returned with three drinks for herself. A cocktail, a chaser and a G&T having also had a shot at the bar. She gave my friend and I our glass of prosecco each we had both ordered (she had ordered small ones at less than £5 a glass), and promptly announced we needed to top up the kitty!! We did contribute more as have her the benefit of the doubt and the night continued like that until she was so plastered she could only drink water and got a cab back to the hotel (having demanded we all return to the hotel together which we politely refused!).
Next morning, we all went to a cafe for breakfast. When the bill arrived we assumed we would split it, which would be £10 each, she insisted in paying £8 as that's what she had spent!!!!
I had had enough at this point! Reminder her she owed me £2 for the train fare as she got her change and said we all needed to put in £1 each as a tip!

We have a rental and the tenant was very ill so couldn't cut the grass. The neighbor complained to us there were mushrooms 🍄 growing on the front lawn and could we please do something about it as it was an eye sore (had only been 6 weeks since the grass was cut so not like it was a jungle)

Needless to say I Told her to look the other way when looking out the window or better still not to look out and be noisy

I've just watched a peppa episode in which mummy and daddy pig thought it was reasonable to take their kids to wake up their grandparents in the night to use a telescope and go star gazing !!! How entitled !! 😂😂

Rainbow
Empty a bucket of water out of the window!

What does CFN mean please?

I live on a corner plot, no driveway but double gates to the side which leads to a garage in my garden. So the house opposite (who has a driveway that fits 2 cars) parked over my gates last week. It was there for a few hours. I come back from school run and can't get parked. Husband knocks at neighbours and asks him to move his car. No apology, just "I didn't think the garage was in use".

1. What you think is immaterial, it's not your garage so don't park over it and
2. Park on your own bloody driveway!!

There are 5 houses in a row, all with off street parking yet none of them park on their driveways. I don't understand it.

Another one of them parked over my garage whilst she was loading her dogs into the car. In the rain. So rather than park over her own driveway, she was walking the 60yds to my garage in the pouring rain and then got pissy with me when I turned up wanting to get parked 😒

We used to rent a house off a CF. First instance was when the cooker broke. I informed the agency who informed her. She "dropped round" uninvited to tell me that as she hadn't informed the insurance people she was renting her house out, I would have to call them and pretend to be her to get it fixed. I did this.

Then our shower broke. She did nothing. We kept asking. She kept ignoring this, whilst continuously "dropping round" to "see the garden" as she was very proud of it. We both worked full time and had a newborn DD so we mowed the lawn, watered the plants etc. She sent us a text saying we hadn't kept to the terms of our agreement by letting the garden "die a horrible death". We reminded her about the shower. This went on for 5 months. We cut the ivy down off the house, she wasn't happy, she insisted we get a professional to do it. We did, we sent her the invoice, she never paid it.

Eventually she got to me so much I stormed down to the letting agents in tears. She sent her dodgy mate to fix the shower. My DH saw her counting out pound coins to pay him!

Afterwards the letting agent told us she had phoned up ranting at him, saying who the hell did we think we were making demands on her.

A few days later she came around to apologise. I took great pleasure in telling her in the few days that had passed we had signed a contract on our new place and she could consider this our notice

Mexican house thief is the best mumsnet story EVER!!!
Search for it nothing will ever beat it

Wow. Some of these are just shocking. It has made me angry and really hate some most people

Mine.Years ago, a friend was staying and I went grocery shopping, she said she only wanted a few little bits so could she put them in my trolley, of course, I said. There she is piling shit loads of stuff in, including alcohol. At the checkout, I put all my stuff on and then the plastic rod to very fucking clearly separate my shopping from hers. She moved it, I asked why and she said oh as I am staying over as a guest I thought you would be paying! She was really offended. She tried to worm her way out of paying for anything during the entire visit, meals out, trips, treats, she never once offered, she had to be forced the CF! I wouldnt mind but she was not short of cash at all, far from it. DH now refuses to have her to stay

Another friend that lived really close. Decided not to get a car or any transport of their own because they ''could just get us to run them about or use our car'' they were not friends after we said no every single time!

There are probably more but I forget them.

Got told by NDN that I couldn't shower on a Sunday morning when I was early shift because it disturbed their lie in. The lie in they needed from getting shit faced at the pub, coming home with all their mates and keeping me awake half the night partying. I explained I need to shower and be clean for my early shifts, and about the disturbances from their parties. Was told I needed to change my shifts then so I didn't work Sunday mornings, and that they were entitled to party on a Sat night and I had no right to complain. Fuck off didn't go down well.

A 'friend' of my DP's used to ask us for money for her children all the time (she still does) because they can't afford to eat apparently. She's out EVERY Saturday night and complaining about how much money she's spent the next morning
we said we wouldn't give her any more money and she said she would still go out and therefore the kids would starve and it would be my fault?!
I could write a book on the CF-ery from her !