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AIBU to buy DH dinner from Wholefoods and let him think I made it?

(341 Posts)
whatafaff Wed 03-May-17 09:39:46

I'm a SAHM to 3 school age DC so you would think I have loads of time. On Tuesdays though, I'm not in at all because after dropping the younger DD at school for 8.30, I'm then in a course 9.15-1pm. Then I have to get to the school for DD's Suzuki violin lesson which I have to go to as well as her between 2-2.30pm. Then I'm hanging round for her to come out at 3.30 because the school is in a busy part of London and if you're not there for 3pm you can't park.
We get in for 4pm and the 2 DS' arrive home around 5pm. They all need to have had dinner, get changed and out again by 5.50 latest as they're in a performance choir which they love and insist on going to and the traffic can make it tricky to get there for 6.30. I then wait for them for an hour and we're home for 8pm.

DH is on a "clean eating" diet at the mo in preparation for some event or other. DD is a fussy eater anyway (always has been) so in that hour between 4-5, I tend to have to make her some variation in what the boys are having and I just don't have time to do the meat, veg etc as DH wants it. Plus I'm vegetarian and prefer not to eat after 6pm.

Yesterday I was in Wholefoods and you can basically buy cold roast chicken, roast sweet potato, really nice veg etc exactly how I would make it anyway. I just bought 2 boxes of it, put in on a tray with foil over on a low heat and he was none the wiser. I didn't tell him I'd actually cooked it, but he presumed I had. Tuesday is the day he gets in early at about 6.15 so he can train and he knows I'll be out with the DC.

AIBU to do this regularly and just be done with it under the circumstances?

msrisotto Wed 03-May-17 09:42:13

Can't you just give him the heads up to make his own dinner?

WorraLiberty Wed 03-May-17 09:45:45

Why would you lie?

A) Tell him he'll need to make his own dinner that day.

B) Tell him you bought him something nice from Wholefoods.

DirtyChaiLatte Wed 03-May-17 09:46:17

If it makes your life easier then I don't see any reason why you wouldn't do it.

I'd tell your husband about it too though. If he's not happy about it then he needs to be making his own dinner. Why should it be YOUR responsibility to always make his dinner exactly the way he wants?

BaldricksTrousers Wed 03-May-17 09:46:27

Why would you have to lie? Even if it is a little white lie? I'm puzzled as to why a posh ready meal is something to hide from your spouse?

ems137 Wed 03-May-17 09:46:27

I'd be saying to him he needed to sort his own dinner out on Tuesdays, especially if he wasn't wanting a portion of what I'd already cooked

PickAChew Wed 03-May-17 09:48:53

Either be honest or tell him to shift for himself. If he has a strop about either, then you have bigger problems than a busy Tuesday.

FrenchMartiniTime Wed 03-May-17 09:49:50

Is this a massive stealth boast?

Why would you feel the need to lie about getting him a healthy pre-prepared dinner?


TheMonkeyandthePlywoodViolin Wed 03-May-17 09:49:57

Its quite concerning you feel you would need to lie.

In our house i often say "im tired heres a ready meal".

Is he controlling?

someonestolemynick Wed 03-May-17 09:50:50

Why don't you ask him to sort his own dinner on Tuesdays? Or tell him it's foods?

I get that you're a sham to school age kids so I would expect that you do the bulk of the cooking but that doesn't mean your DH gets a full five star hotel treatment.
Have a chat about this with him: "I'm struggling a little with Tuesdays because of all the kid's activities. It would make my life a lot easier if you could sort your own dinner on that day."

While passing whole foods' cooking off as your own is hardly the crime of the century I would look into why you think you have to do this. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I couldn't say "Hey, I'm too knackered to cooks so I got ready meals/ deli food/ take away."

whatafaff Wed 03-May-17 09:53:52

I do normally cook because I have time to and normally he gets in more like 8pm. I eat with him but just have the veg as I don't like eating late, unless we're out for dinner or something obviously. I don't get on with batch cooking and that kind of thing unless it's curry or a tagine etc as I find it boring and our freezer isn't that big.

drspouse Wed 03-May-17 09:54:31

You have to be in a violin lesson in school time?

So no child with working parents can have violin lessons?

Pardonwhatnow Wed 03-May-17 09:56:14

Bloody hell.

A - tell him to make hi own dinner

B - make it the night before and reheat

C - do a cold salad/chicken/fish thing

D - prep meat and veg night before and stick in food bags/Tupperware etc and cook on Tuesday.

Loads of solutions- hardly a big deal is it.

If I was him I would be pissed to find I had been given a ready meal when training if there are about a million other solutions to a problem that isn't even a problem.

TheMonkeyandthePlywoodViolin Wed 03-May-17 09:56:18

Is he mean/worried about the extra cost?

WorraLiberty Wed 03-May-17 09:57:55

OP, you haven't addressed the issue of needing to/wanting to lie?

notomatoes Wed 03-May-17 09:59:08

Is there something that is stopping you telling him to make his own dinner? No time plus sorting children out plus him being fussy about what he wants... I can't see why you feel you should feel you have to cook his dinner.

whatafaff Wed 03-May-17 09:59:09

Tbh I would have obviously told him if he'd seen me come in with it, but I was out and then I realised he didn't notice, so I didn't mention it. It's quite expensive and looks lazy to do it on a weekly basis, that's my issue, but I'm thinking of just doing it anyway because of convenience.

BaldricksTrousers Wed 03-May-17 09:59:12

If I was him I would be pissed to find I had been given a ready meal

Lol, you'd be pissed at a chicken from Wholefoods?

This is hardly a Tesco Value Family Lasagne. This is chicken and veg. The only difference is that the chicken is already cooked.

Why should anyone be pissed to get that for dinner? I would be happy to get anything for dinner if my partner was that busy during the day!

TheMonkeyandthePlywoodViolin Wed 03-May-17 09:59:48

It should be an equal partnership

IloveBanff Wed 03-May-17 10:00:07

I'm another one who wouldn't lie and don't understand why you would.

IloveBanff Wed 03-May-17 10:01:39

Cross-posted, but I still wouldn't lie, even by omission.

notomatoes Wed 03-May-17 10:01:57

I do normally cook because I have time to and normally he gets in more like 8pm.

Which is fine... normally. But when you don't have time why is he not helping?

whatafaff Wed 03-May-17 10:04:20

Drspouse - Yes, if they do the Suzuki method at school it's a requirement that the same parent attends every week too.You sort of learn with them.

DH is quite useful round the house with other things, but he doesn't cook really and I suppose he's just used to me doing it. Plus I'm always doing something for the DC and myself anyway.

Iloveanimals Wed 03-May-17 10:05:49

Surely he can make his own lunch for one day confused Don't try to be some kinda wonder wife. Cooking a meal for him everyday doesn't make you a better person. Share things out equally and tame the pressure off yourself

Iloveanimals Wed 03-May-17 10:06:09


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