AIBU to buy DH dinner from Wholefoods and let him think I made it?

[whatafaff]

I'm a SAHM to 3 school age DC so you would think I have loads of time. On Tuesdays though, I'm not in at all because after dropping the younger DD at school for 8.30, I'm then in a course 9.15-1pm. Then I have to get to the school for DD's Suzuki violin lesson which I have to go to as well as her between 2-2.30pm. Then I'm hanging round for her to come out at 3.30 because the school is in a busy part of London and if you're not there for 3pm you can't park.
We get in for 4pm and the 2 DS' arrive home around 5pm. They all need to have had dinner, get changed and out again by 5.50 latest as they're in a performance choir which they love and insist on going to and the traffic can make it tricky to get there for 6.30. I then wait for them for an hour and we're home for 8pm.

DH is on a "clean eating" diet at the mo in preparation for some event or other. DD is a fussy eater anyway (always has been) so in that hour between 4-5, I tend to have to make her some variation in what the boys are having and I just don't have time to do the meat, veg etc as DH wants it. Plus I'm vegetarian and prefer not to eat after 6pm.

Yesterday I was in Wholefoods and you can basically buy cold roast chicken, roast sweet potato, really nice veg etc exactly how I would make it anyway. I just bought 2 boxes of it, put in on a tray with foil over on a low heat and he was none the wiser. I didn't tell him I'd actually cooked it, but he presumed I had. Tuesday is the day he gets in early at about 6.15 so he can train and he knows I'll be out with the DC.

AIBU to do this regularly and just be done with it under the circumstances?

Why don't you just make extra of something on Monday and then let him have that on Tuesday, if you don't want to lie to him?

If I gave him a ready meal he'd probably sort of pull a face. Even if he wouldn't say anything, I would probably feel a bit judged, if that makes sense.

Let him judge you. Judge him right back for a) making a face at something someone else has made for him and b) being a grown-up who can't or won't cook for themselves.

Still up for poisoning the cunt.

Why not just ask him if on Tuesdays he wants to cook his own meal or have something from wholefoods?

Make it his issue not yours

He is quite fussy about food as well I suppose, eg. If I gave him a ready meal he'd probably sort of pull a face.

Any thoughts on telling him to cook his own dinner under such circumstances?

Also, a face? My toddler makes a face if I serve him something he doesn't want to eat. Presumably your DH is a grown adult.

He's a grown man. Let him sort his own dinner on a tuesday, and some dinner for you too (unless you'd prefer to eat earlier with the children of course).

These people with a SAH partner are living the life of fucking riley I tell you! With you worrying about whether you can get him a ready meal from Wholefoods to satisfy his clean eating whatnot.... it's ridiculous and beyond daft.

He is fine in all other areas. Normally I can just do a curry or something and a separate thing for DD who is very problematic around what she eats. But I just get fed up because the evenings are busy. Even if we're home there's homework etc and I get bored of catering for all this when I'm not even wanting to eat anyway, half the time.
I was not on another SAHM thread.

Buy a chicken the day before. Cook chicken. Place in fridge.

Buy veg/salad day before. Prep while dcs are eating on the day. Place in fridge.

Aldi do some lovely roast in the bag chickens. They also do ready prepared veg and salad. Swap Wholefoods for aldi.

Or alternatively do what we do on a Wednesday when we have a similar busy day. And either have something from the freezer. Beans on toast. Or a dirty kebab from chip shop.

Sooooo he can't cook his own food because....??

Pulls a face? Is he 5?

I do all the cooking in our house as OH works funny hours. If he pulled faces or criticised his dinner it would be going in the bin and he could make his own bloody meal.

No op but there's another thread from a bloke 'apparently' that is moaning his wife is a sahm who isn't catering for his every need and is too wrapped up in the kids blah blah.

Look you are a working mother but working to look after your child. You are both working and dinner isn't your sole responsibility.

Seriously how could you respect an adult who pulls faces at the dinner table? Tell him it's his job to cook some nights. Tell him don't lie to him. Have done self respect

This sounds like a really unhealthy relationship. To want to lie and say you made dinner when you didn't and lie about where you bought the food. I can't even imagine a situation where I would not be upfront about that or tell him to make his own.

Honestly you've got much bigger issues if you are expected to cook a meal from scratch and feel your husband judges you if you don't and would prefer to lie to him than be honest. You feel "judged"? What because uou are rhe housemaid and need to get through your daily chores in an acceptable fashion?

Tell him to stop pulling faces, its emotionally controlling. He can talk to people at work, he can talk things over with you. That way you both get a say, and he risks not getting what he wants by manipulating you. But thats how adults relate.

You don't need to feel judged. Your worth is not bound up in your ability to cater for a grown adult. Do you judge him for all the times he doesn't cook for you?

I'm a SAHM. I wouldn't deign to rebrand food I bought at Whole Foods as my own cooking so as to avoid my husband's disapproval.

I don't want to make out like he's really moany or controlling or anything like that and he doesn't actually pull faces, it's more that I feel like he might do, I suppose. It's probably my own guilt as much as anything else which I know is stupid. When I got the dinner in yesterday though, I just thought, "Whst's the actual difference?"

Well stop feeling guilty about such a trivial thing. It's dinner. You arnt shagging the pool boy just dinner.

Do what suits you

Well, if he's that innocent then it sounds like you have some self esteem issues yourself.

I would never in a million years feel I owed another grown adult a home cooked dinner, no matter what the circumstances.

So if I just said to him something like, "I'm out all day on Tuesdays. I don't have time to do dinner. If you don't want to reheat something from the freezer, can you please buy yourself something suitable on the way home?" Is that fair enough?

Yes, thats fine. It gives him a choice.

Why would you feel guilty? It sounds like you have a lot on your plate (pardon the pun)

Just because you are a SAHM doesn't mean you have to be superwoman and Nigella Lawson rolled into one.

Does your husband know how you feel? You don't sound very happy in yourself

That is totally fair enough and incredibly reasonable OP. If he's got an issue with that he honestly needs to take a running jump!

I think that even the fact that you feel you have to word your request so specifically so as not to offend him sounds bizarre to me.

Ok. I am fine in general, but I do find the afternoons and evenings quite relentless to be honest. But I know most people do all that and work as well, so I'm not moaning. Plus he has a lot on at work at the mo so I don't want him to feel like I couldn't care less.