AIBU to buy DH dinner from Wholefoods and let him think I made it?

[whatafaff]

I'm a SAHM to 3 school age DC so you would think I have loads of time. On Tuesdays though, I'm not in at all because after dropping the younger DD at school for 8.30, I'm then in a course 9.15-1pm. Then I have to get to the school for DD's Suzuki violin lesson which I have to go to as well as her between 2-2.30pm. Then I'm hanging round for her to come out at 3.30 because the school is in a busy part of London and if you're not there for 3pm you can't park.
We get in for 4pm and the 2 DS' arrive home around 5pm. They all need to have had dinner, get changed and out again by 5.50 latest as they're in a performance choir which they love and insist on going to and the traffic can make it tricky to get there for 6.30. I then wait for them for an hour and we're home for 8pm.

DH is on a "clean eating" diet at the mo in preparation for some event or other. DD is a fussy eater anyway (always has been) so in that hour between 4-5, I tend to have to make her some variation in what the boys are having and I just don't have time to do the meat, veg etc as DH wants it. Plus I'm vegetarian and prefer not to eat after 6pm.

Yesterday I was in Wholefoods and you can basically buy cold roast chicken, roast sweet potato, really nice veg etc exactly how I would make it anyway. I just bought 2 boxes of it, put in on a tray with foil over on a low heat and he was none the wiser. I didn't tell him I'd actually cooked it, but he presumed I had. Tuesday is the day he gets in early at about 6.15 so he can train and he knows I'll be out with the DC.

AIBU to do this regularly and just be done with it under the circumstances?

I just don't understand why you can't tell him.

It's a perfectly ok thing to do as a one-off or every day. You're not poisoning him. What would happen if you told him: "I got your dinner from whole foods today. Really didn't have time to cook" ?

So you are essentially doing four different meals for one family?
One for DH, one for you, one for DD and another for DSs ....

I wouldn't feel the need to lie about it, I'd say didn't get much time today so I got a cooked chicken etc from the shop. Assuming you can afford this with no problem what is the issue??

Me & dh take turns to cook but If neither of us has time to cook, what is wrong with a cold cooked chicken and veg/salad. We do that often if I've not had time and dh is home late.

I'm baffled - a grown man doing his own restricted diet can bloody well make his own dinners in my book. And certainly not gripe if you are so kind as to give him the food he wants, even if someone else prepared it.

Just tell him. Don't tie yourself up in knots about it. What negative reaction are you expecting to be so afraid?

Why lie just tell him. I also get why you might not want to cook on that day but you do actually have time. How do you think working parents manage?

Is a chicken and roast sweet potatoes cleaner than one from a normal shop or even M&S?

Sounds like a bit of a stealth boast about a ridiculously overpriced shop and all the clever and worthy activities your DCs take part in. Performance choir? Suzuki violin lesson - is it on a motorbike?

If I was vegetarian and didn't eat after 6 pm, I wouldn't be falling over myself to provide other adults with roast chickens by any method. Can't he pick one up himself on his way home from work?

When I got in he was out at the gym, so the subject didn't arise. We have Wholefoods more or less over the road and it's basically like a cold buffet. But I'm just worried it may look a bit crap if I do this often?

Barbara -it's not a stealth boast. Loads of DC do music lessons and all sorts of things after school

Why is buying a cooked chicken any worse than one you've cooked in your own oven? I don't get it

His an adult if he doesn't like it and you've not had time to cook then he can grab something on the way home.

Or get some fish fillets, chicken breast an he can cook them with some salad or steam veg once his home. That takes 20-30 minutes maximum

I still don't understand why you feel you need to lie.

Would be bag of you thought you were being 'lazy'? BTW, I don't think you're being lazy at all.

If HE thinks that, then there's something wrong with him.

Why can't you tell him to make his own dinner?

whatafaff i don't understand why you need to lie about it being from Wholefoods?

To me the question is can the household afford a weekly 'take-away' for one and if the answer is yes, then do it. It's unreasonable to be expected to, or expect yourself, to cook every single night of the week.

If DH is on a clean eating thing, then obviously he can't just put together beans on toast and an egg. If he gets in late then he probably doesn't want to start making a meal (though you could make sure there are salad ingredients in the fridge for Thurs evenings) when he gets in. So either he can assemble a salad with some sort of tinned fish or get the Wholefoods meal. But I'd hate to think you needed to pretend you'd made it yourself. There shouldn't be the expectation on any member of the family that this is what they do. All. The. Time.

Do you feel that you have to justify your value as a SAHM?

YANBU.

But the next time I'd tell him that he can either have store bought or make his own=?

Also because even Wholefoods ready made dishes may not be "clean" enough for him. Just be honest and let him decide.

Sorry, posted before reading. It should say

Would it be bad if he thought you were being 'lazy'?

I eat meat but I don't like it much. DH LOVES it. I do 100% of the cooking. Therefore most of our meals are vegetarian. He's happy just to get fed. If he wants more meat he can cook it himself. I suggest you apply this rule to your H. HTH.

I'm going to add to the chorus of people you're ignoring OP. Why lie about it? Ready prepared food is hardly a sin. Or are you expected to keep up some kind of illusion of being able to get dinner on the table despite having a full day out of the house?

You seem really concerned about what your husband thinks.

I hate throwing labels around but is he controlling in other ways? I'm honestly baffled that you felt the need to lie...what would the repercussions have been if you had just told him the truth?

And as a PP pointed out, it's not like you gave him a Asda smart price micro meal, you bought a chicken salad from a relatively upmarket shop.

Bizarre

Sorry but I really don't get this.

Will he be angry if he knows you haven't cooked it? Or if he knows it was expensive? And why can't he cook for himself every now and then, especially if he's on a special diet? (answers like 'oh he's is quite useful round the house with other things, but he doesn't cook really and I suppose he's just used to me doing it' do NOT wash, BTW).

I don't ferlas if I have to justify being a SAHM tbh because it would be exactly the same if I was at work.

Any thoughts on telling your DH the truth/making him cook his own dinner OP?

Sorry posted too soon!
He is quite fussy about food as well I suppose, eg. If I gave him a ready meal he'd probably sort of pull a face. Even if he wouldn't say anything, I would probably feel a bit judged, if that makes sense.

I'd forgotten how much hard work it is not being an equal partner.
You are with the kids, he is a the gym. Whats the problem? Either cook it the night before or tell him. It would save you all this angst over nothing.

Be honest.

Tell him you don't want to cook 2 meals (one for the clean and one for the fussy eater) and he should cook his own food or be happy with a ready meal.

Omg!

You are the wife in the sahm thread arnt you?

If yes poison the tosser. If no poison him anyway or send him to his mummies for tea.

Even though you haven't said anything explicit, you're really not painting him in a very good light.