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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to buy DH dinner from Wholefoods and let him think I made it?

340 replies

whatafaff · 03/05/2017 09:39

I'm a SAHM to 3 school age DC so you would think I have loads of time. On Tuesdays though, I'm not in at all because after dropping the younger DD at school for 8.30, I'm then in a course 9.15-1pm. Then I have to get to the school for DD's Suzuki violin lesson which I have to go to as well as her between 2-2.30pm. Then I'm hanging round for her to come out at 3.30 because the school is in a busy part of London and if you're not there for 3pm you can't park.
We get in for 4pm and the 2 DS' arrive home around 5pm. They all need to have had dinner, get changed and out again by 5.50 latest as they're in a performance choir which they love and insist on going to and the traffic can make it tricky to get there for 6.30. I then wait for them for an hour and we're home for 8pm.

DH is on a "clean eating" diet at the mo in preparation for some event or other. DD is a fussy eater anyway (always has been) so in that hour between 4-5, I tend to have to make her some variation in what the boys are having and I just don't have time to do the meat, veg etc as DH wants it. Plus I'm vegetarian and prefer not to eat after 6pm.

Yesterday I was in Wholefoods and you can basically buy cold roast chicken, roast sweet potato, really nice veg etc exactly how I would make it anyway. I just bought 2 boxes of it, put in on a tray with foil over on a low heat and he was none the wiser. I didn't tell him I'd actually cooked it, but he presumed I had. Tuesday is the day he gets in early at about 6.15 so he can train and he knows I'll be out with the DC.

AIBU to do this regularly and just be done with it under the circumstances?

OP posts:
Amiawful23 · 03/05/2017 11:39

Why would you buying a ready meal make him think you couldn't care less?

And why, for pity's sake, can he not cook his own dinner if it is so important he eats "clean"?

Botanicbaby · 03/05/2017 11:42

So if I just said to him something like, "I'm out all day on Tuesdays. I don't have time to do dinner. If you don't want to reheat something from the freezer, can you please buy yourself something suitable on the way home?" Is that fair enough?

It is very sad that you have to ask this on AIBU? Of course that is fair enough to say that to him. He must understand if you are out all day Tuesdays that there is no time to prepare a separate dinner for him. I'd let him sort out his own 'clean eating' dinners anyway quite frankly.

Jackiebrambles · 03/05/2017 11:43

I'm not surprised, it sounds relentless!

He needs to step up with the eating thing. Talk to him.

Your job is to ferry kids/sort them out. Not to pander to his every whim like he's some lord muck who doesn't have to concern himself with what he might eat.

mummytime · 03/05/2017 11:45

I'm a SAHM - and nothing like as busy as you. But sometimes DH has to cook for himself, or buy a meal at the local pub.

Your DH needs to act like an adult.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 03/05/2017 11:54

Out of interest, what does your DH do with the kids? If the only reason he'll come home early is so he can train without the DC there he must not see much of them at all.

Original poster
whatafaff · 03/05/2017 11:54

Ok thankyou for the responses. I will talk to him and see how he reacts.

OP posts:
DirtyChaiLatte · 03/05/2017 11:58

You really should not be caring about how he reacts.

It should just be a passing statement you make with very little thought or the sort of angst that you have put into it.

Original poster
whatafaff · 03/05/2017 11:58

Hedgehog - he is good with the kids. He focuses on them at weekends, takes the boys to their matches or DD to her things. He plays table tennis with them or just hangs out.

OP posts:
theclick · 03/05/2017 11:59

Ha ha. I'm sure plenty of people do this. I couldn't get away with it as DH would know. BUT - as others have said, can't he make his own dinner? Also, I love Whole Foods, but need to limit myself as it's so expensive. Is the cost really justified here?

If he enjoys healthy food, I batch bake sweet potatoes for myself and DH and also prep cous cous for myself regularly to take to work. Costco also has cheaper rottiserie chickens if desperate.

Orangetoffee · 03/05/2017 12:01

It's worrying that you feel you have to justify not having time to cook to such an extent.

It is perfectly normal to just say that you can't cook on Tuesdays and he will have to sort himself some food.

PollytheDolly · 03/05/2017 12:08

Ok thankyou for the responses. I will talk to him and see how he reacts.

Hmm or is it just me?

Bluntness100 · 03/05/2017 12:14

It's not just you no. Op he's not the boss. Marriages are supposed to be equal partnerships. You should not be worried about talking to your husband about such an everyday triviality as making his own dinner.

VimFuego101 · 03/05/2017 12:16

Does he not have opposable thumbs? That's the only reason I can see that he shouldn't prepare his own dinner on a day that you are very busy and need him to share the task of making dinner and sorting out getting kids to activities.

SapphireStrange · 03/05/2017 12:19

Does he not have opposable thumbs? Grin

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/05/2017 12:20

He is clean eating? May I suggest a dirty protest?

A week of crap wont hurt the kids but may make the point that you are not his personal fucking chef.

BoboChic · 03/05/2017 12:20

Totally not unreasonable to buy prepared food sometimes. I have an outstanding Italian deli I use for pasta and lasagne and arancini. DP doesn't care where the food I serve comes from, providing it is always fabulous!

Original poster
whatafaff · 03/05/2017 12:22

To be honest, I don't think I can start him off with cooking now because it would annoy me and he's not interested and when would there be the time? He will make toast and things like that, otherwise he would just go out. He does help out in most other ways though, he doesn't just sit round like a total muppet.

OP posts:
Amiawful23 · 03/05/2017 12:23

DP doesn't care where the food I serve comes from, providing it is always fabulous!

Hmm
ThymeLord · 03/05/2017 12:29

I couldn't get away with it as DH would know

What do you mean by "couldn't get away with it"? How can anybody think that it's acceptable to live like this?

Original poster
whatafaff · 03/05/2017 12:29

I find it very draining because when he "offloads" to me about work, I do try and understand, but the reality is I can't do anything about it and usually it all resolves itself anyway and then he's onto something else. He can get quite preoccupied and stressed so this is why I feel bad about just leaving him to it and being out with the kids.

OP posts:
SapphireStrange · 03/05/2017 12:31

DP doesn't care where the food I serve comes from, providing it is always fabulous!

No pressure then. What would happen if one day it were to be not fabulous? And how do you feel/what are your rules about the food he provides?

I don't think I can start him off with cooking now because it would annoy me and he's not interested

'start him off'? Are we talking about a schoolchild?

he's not interested. Guess what: sometimes I'm not interested in cooking either. But it's either that or I don't eat. Sometimes people have to do things they're not wildly 'interested' in, and feeding your family is one of them.

Amiawful23 · 03/05/2017 12:32

Are you always interested in cooking OP?

ThymeLord · 03/05/2017 12:32

OP why on earth are you taking on all this guilt? Why do you see yourself as there to facilitate his life?

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 03/05/2017 12:32

Really, your title gave enough information.

No, YANBU to do that. YWNBU to tell him to make his own dinner so you don't have to prepare two every evening.

He won't make toast because it'll fuck up his clean eating routine. Just make sure he knows where the Fairy and washing up gloves are.

Jackiebrambles · 03/05/2017 12:33

When would there be the time? Er, if he was single and got in from work at 8pm - what do you think he would do?

The poor lamb. The postman would eventually find him dead of starvation I expect.