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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to buy DH dinner from Wholefoods and let him think I made it?

340 replies

whatafaff · 03/05/2017 09:39

I'm a SAHM to 3 school age DC so you would think I have loads of time. On Tuesdays though, I'm not in at all because after dropping the younger DD at school for 8.30, I'm then in a course 9.15-1pm. Then I have to get to the school for DD's Suzuki violin lesson which I have to go to as well as her between 2-2.30pm. Then I'm hanging round for her to come out at 3.30 because the school is in a busy part of London and if you're not there for 3pm you can't park.
We get in for 4pm and the 2 DS' arrive home around 5pm. They all need to have had dinner, get changed and out again by 5.50 latest as they're in a performance choir which they love and insist on going to and the traffic can make it tricky to get there for 6.30. I then wait for them for an hour and we're home for 8pm.

DH is on a "clean eating" diet at the mo in preparation for some event or other. DD is a fussy eater anyway (always has been) so in that hour between 4-5, I tend to have to make her some variation in what the boys are having and I just don't have time to do the meat, veg etc as DH wants it. Plus I'm vegetarian and prefer not to eat after 6pm.

Yesterday I was in Wholefoods and you can basically buy cold roast chicken, roast sweet potato, really nice veg etc exactly how I would make it anyway. I just bought 2 boxes of it, put in on a tray with foil over on a low heat and he was none the wiser. I didn't tell him I'd actually cooked it, but he presumed I had. Tuesday is the day he gets in early at about 6.15 so he can train and he knows I'll be out with the DC.

AIBU to do this regularly and just be done with it under the circumstances?

OP posts:
Original poster
whatafaff · 03/05/2017 12:36

No I am far from always interested. The boys are easy, thank god, but DD only eats veg and pasta and it's an ongoing battle. DH has his expectations. I don't expect him to eat crap because I don't eat like that either, but the shopping is time consuming and boring.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 03/05/2017 12:37

What do you mean start him off on cooking, it's not complex. It seems the man holds down a job so I'm fairly sure he can shove something in the oven. Even if he really is that thick and he can't, then fine he can get something on the way home

I'm also curious as to whether he has opposable thumbs? Hmm

ThymeLord · 03/05/2017 12:37

Is there a reason that you think his "expectations" are reasonable?

AliceByTheMoon · 03/05/2017 12:38

OP- I'd do it and not even think about it.Think of it as outsourcing.

I'd probably not even tell DH either.... tonight for example I am in meetings until later and I am planning on getting bits and bobs from M&S.DH hates M&S so I was not planning on telling him- just doing it.

If we had a wholefoods here that did yummy roast chicken I'd be made up.

I worry that you sound as if you feel like you have to be supermum and superwife because you are SAH....like someone else said, like you have to justify your existence. I hope your DH does not make you feel like that. Thanks

Bluntness100 · 03/05/2017 12:38

DH has his expectations

What??Hmm

Amiawful23 · 03/05/2017 12:39

DH has his expectations.

Then he can cook his own food.

Seriously, you sound downtrodden.

Jackiebrambles · 03/05/2017 12:39

Shock at someone who doesn't like M&S.

WTF?!

StoatofDisarray · 03/05/2017 12:39

Don't lie: just own it. Sounds like a reasonable compromise if he isn't able to cook his own food... Hmm

Jackiebrambles · 03/05/2017 12:39

Yes we need to explore these 'expectations'.

TwentyCups · 03/05/2017 12:40

Tell him you're pushed for time Tuesday so dinner will either be a quick meal you can put together or a ready meal.

If these options don't suit him he can make his own dinner.

ILoveDolly · 03/05/2017 12:42

You are a SAHM to do all the childcare etc
Meals and housework would have to be done whether you work or are at home. It's nice if you have time to cater and help him out with adulting but don't be afraid to say No its too much.

AliceByTheMoon · 03/05/2017 12:42

Oh I know re M&S! DH just thinks it is too expensive. But I like some of their prepared veg - particularly the creamed spinach. I was planning on getting a rotisserie chicken, and making a double-quick mid-week roast.

SapphireStrange · 03/05/2017 12:42

DH has his expectations.

In the deathless words of Bernard Black from Black Books, he can expect away!

Original poster
whatafaff · 03/05/2017 12:43

I don't know Thyme. He doesn't like additives in food and I'm ok with that, but I just kind of graze eat in the day where he eats loads of protein and this kind of thing. I feel as if I should make him something as I'm here, but when he's training it's more work and I'm not sure he realises that.

OP posts:
ThymeLord · 03/05/2017 12:44

But it's not your job OP! You aren't his servant, his mother or his employee. You stay at home for the children. His children. You don't stay at home to serve him.

AliceByTheMoon · 03/05/2017 12:45

OP- you are cooking fabulous food every night.He does not necessarily need to know how the magic happens.

Jackiebrambles · 03/05/2017 12:46

I've heard it all now. Expecting you to not only cook for him but to ensure there are no additives. No wonder you are stressed about this!

BoboChic · 03/05/2017 12:46

If a couple agree that one of the two of them is responsible for catering for the family, yes, it is the assigned person's job. Until renegotiated.

Amiawful23 · 03/05/2017 12:48

Boy he sounds like a laugh a minute.

TheOnlyPink · 03/05/2017 12:49

I'm a sahm to school age children. My husband has a restricted diet for medical reasons, which is a pain in the arse, and he has a high pressured job. I cook, because I'm the stay at home parent, it's an agreement between us. But if I'm busy, or just don't want to cook, it's never an issue. He can sort himself.

I think your husband is being hugely unreasonable. You are a stay at home mum, not his personal maid. He needs some realistic expectations.
It's not right to be so wound up about this. He's your husband, not your employer. I know my husband couldn't do his career if I wasn't home. We both contribute, just in different ways. You don't have to "earn" your position in the family.

Marmalade85 · 03/05/2017 12:50

What would happen if he made himself some toast?

Original poster
whatafaff · 03/05/2017 12:52

If I bought some marinated chicken or something from M&S he would know the difference. It would be ok as a one off, but not all the time because of salt or whatever extras they add. This is how he carries on. He wouldn't be rude but he would ask me why I was buying that.

OP posts:
notomatoes · 03/05/2017 12:53

And your answer would be because I am too busy to cater to your diet. If you don't like it, cook for yourself.

TheOnlyPink · 03/05/2017 12:54

The answer would be "because I'm really busy today, and haven't got time for your shit"

ThymeLord · 03/05/2017 12:54

so just respond "because i didn't have time for anything else. Feel free to sort your own meal out". You can't though, can you?

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