AIBU to buy DH dinner from Wholefoods and let him think I made it?

[whatafaff]

I'm a SAHM to 3 school age DC so you would think I have loads of time. On Tuesdays though, I'm not in at all because after dropping the younger DD at school for 8.30, I'm then in a course 9.15-1pm. Then I have to get to the school for DD's Suzuki violin lesson which I have to go to as well as her between 2-2.30pm. Then I'm hanging round for her to come out at 3.30 because the school is in a busy part of London and if you're not there for 3pm you can't park.
We get in for 4pm and the 2 DS' arrive home around 5pm. They all need to have had dinner, get changed and out again by 5.50 latest as they're in a performance choir which they love and insist on going to and the traffic can make it tricky to get there for 6.30. I then wait for them for an hour and we're home for 8pm.

DH is on a "clean eating" diet at the mo in preparation for some event or other. DD is a fussy eater anyway (always has been) so in that hour between 4-5, I tend to have to make her some variation in what the boys are having and I just don't have time to do the meat, veg etc as DH wants it. Plus I'm vegetarian and prefer not to eat after 6pm.

Yesterday I was in Wholefoods and you can basically buy cold roast chicken, roast sweet potato, really nice veg etc exactly how I would make it anyway. I just bought 2 boxes of it, put in on a tray with foil over on a low heat and he was none the wiser. I didn't tell him I'd actually cooked it, but he presumed I had. Tuesday is the day he gets in early at about 6.15 so he can train and he knows I'll be out with the DC.

AIBU to do this regularly and just be done with it under the circumstances?

He does help out in most other ways though

You mean he does some of the things that are associated with being a functional human being but can't make his own food without you holding his hand?
And he assumes that the house runs itself, or that it's entirely your job to feed and water him, even though he's an adult? So him doing anything at all to look after your joint house and your joint children and to feed HIMSELF, is "helping"?

Sod that.

You sound like you're enabling, pandering and excusing his unreasonable expectations.

You do know feeling guilt and angst about such a thing isn't right?

Before you know it, you'll be teaching your kids how to cook. Your h really needs to know more than toast before this point.

Frying a steak and boiling some veggies is a piece of piss. You can even get microwaveable sachets of veggies. I'm not saying that everyone has to be a Cordon Bleu chef but frying up some meat and stir fry veggies is ridiculously simple and takes minutes.

Yes he could easily go his own steak.
Sorry, reading these responses does make me feel a bit stupid.

I am also in a situation where I take everyone breakfast in bed in the mornings and god knows why I'm doing this either. It's like bloody room service.

Bloody hell OP, I don't mean to sound harsh here but you really need to nip this in the bud now. Do you want to raise your children to think that this is what women do in relationships?

The thing is if he's on a clean eating thing then he can't just get any old take-away on his way home or heat a pizza up etc, if they didn't want to cook when they got in. You need to tell him that it's a PITA cooking a special meal for him AND a special meal for DD each and every night and that he needs to pitch in or accept that there will be nights when a home made 'clean' meal is not on the cards.

DD is a SAHM. Her DH knows that it's flipping hard work looking after an active and demanding toddler every day and he often comes in from work and cooks. He is absolutely fine with fishfingers and baked potato etc and is really appreciated of the meals that ARE made from scratch. It is totally not fair to say "I don't cook" and chuck the ball into your partner's court. What if you were ill or started work or decided to study etc? Everyone needs to be able to feed themselves and accept that there are times when they need to do that.

My friend's DH has retired. He worked incredibly long shifts and my friend did do the cooking. When he finished work she bought him the Jamie's 30 minute meals book and said it would be great if he'd cook once a week. When he made stuff he was really happy that he could make something that tasted great and has now signed up for a cooking course. I was invited round one night for one of his Jamie's and it was bloody amazing. He literally had NO experience of cooking before he got that book. If you can read, you can cook. There's no mystery.

Oh my good god lovely OP. This has to stop right now. Breakfast in bed too????

I'm so angry on your behalf!!!!

I'd seriously start looking for work right now unless this changes. This can't go on.

I think in most families, the person who cooks generally decides what gets eaten and if someone doesn't like that, and they're an adult, they can fend for themselves. I have a far less busy life than you but when my partner's training of an evening I have a ready meal & he does his own dinner. We do share the cooking, even though I work p/t and he is f/t.

These type of threads just feel like a complete alternate universe...it is completely bizarre

OP sorry if I missed it, but what is he "training" for?

Oh OP.

www.amazon.co.uk/Wifework-Susan-Maushart/dp/0747561729?tag=mumsnetforum-21

I've never read this book, but have heard good things.

We're not trying to make you feel stupid, because of course you're not. There's nothing wrong with trying to do nice things for the people you love, and if you want to make breakfast in bed for them because you care about them then you should continue.

All we're saying is that you shouldn't worry so much about what he thinks, and if he really does judge you for your convenience dinners then there's something wrong with his attitude to you.

Me too Tante. I can't believe just how many women are in relationships with these vile men who expect maids.

Tante - maybe it is bizarre, I don't know what other people's routines are. I just found everyone gets up in a better mood if they've eaten and getting out the door is less stressful.

Not trying to make you feel stupid OP. I'm angry for you. I'd love to know what you were taught growing up that makes you think this is normal.

I am also in a situation where I take everyone breakfast in bed in the mornings and god knows why I'm doing this either. It's like bloody room service.

Right, well, stop doing it.

My DD had breakfast in bed for years. It was far less hassle than having breakfast in the kitchen.

Look, everyone does what works - that's fine. But you don't sound happy... your username is What a Faff!

Honestly, I'm really hoping this isn't true, you take them all breakfast in bed? Of course people are in a better mood if they get breakfast in bed, but who lives like that? You actually take your husband breakfast in bed every morning? Tell him to get off his arse and get his own breakfast.

The mind boggles.

I don't even know what the latest thing he's training for is. I can't remember. He does the Iron Man events and it's something along those lines.

Wow what s drama - if you are busy why can't he just get his own dinner?

You might be a SAHM but you are not his mum.

I bet he'd tuck into an M&S curry that he'd merely gone to the effort to microwave himself if you weren't so determined to help out the poor incompetent soul, even when you have to be elsewhere.

He does the Iron Man events and it's something along those lines.

Do you get time for hobbies you enjoy outside the home while he takes care of the DC?

Of course they are in better moods when they have eaten. But they can come down to the kitchen to eat like normal, functioning human beings.

Can he really fit in Iron Man with a full time job and 3 DCs?