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WIBU to this rude man on the train?

(330 Posts)
Tabbylady Wed 01-Feb-17 21:10:20

Sometimes I commute by train. Today coming home I was at a table with a woman & baby opposite me and man next to me. I've seen the man a few times- it's a small train and we obviously do a similar commute.

I had smiled at the woman and commented on her cute baby before the man got on. The woman started to breastfeed her baby and almost immediately the man started making disgusted noises and told her to "go and do that in the toilet". She seemed really shocked/speechless.

I said excuse me but she isn't bothering me and I'm opposite her, pointed out that it's illegal to stop someone from breastfeeding in public now, and invited him to go and eat his smelly egg sandwich in the toilet instead. He wasn't really having any of it and said she was flaunting herself, to think of the effect it might have on "those boys" (a table of oblivious teenagers halfway down the train). The woman was now in tears. I'd had a bad day at work and lost the plot a bit.

For context, I work in criminal justice. I was working on my laptop on a presentation on sex offenders I'm due to do, where I have some expertise. (OK to do on a train, it's in the public domain and no graphic images etc!) but did notice him peering at my laptop screen.

I told him, very loudly, that if he was unable to cope with the merest sight of breast in a completely appropriate, public context and was finding himself uncontrollably aroused then I was seriously concerned that he was some kind of sexual deviant and should seek help immediately. I did this in a very earnest, straight-faced, concerned-for-your-health and totally PA way. People nearby noticed, and laughed. He was all flustered, went scarlet and buried himself in the Metro.

I got off at the same stop as the woman and apologised to her as I did not want to have embarassed her. She said it was ok and that she wasn't embarrassed, nice to have been stuck up for etc so I know I did broadly the right thing there.

But did I take it too far with the man? He was being really awful, but I was pretty rude and he was clearly embarrassed. I'll probably see him again on the train. Do I need to apologise to him too??

I'm imagining him on oldmansnet complaining about this nasty random young(ish) woman who accused him in public of being a sex offender!!!

orangefolly Wed 01-Feb-17 21:14:25

I think it was a really nice thing you did to stick up for her. Sounds like he deserved a talking to flowers

JustHavinABreak Wed 01-Feb-17 21:18:10

Well done you!! You did a huge favour for all breastfeeding mothers who have to deal with this crap on a regular basis.

soeasybreezy Wed 01-Feb-17 21:18:54

It must have been reassuring for the mum to have someone stick up for her, and so good of you to have put him in his place, very cleverly at that. He was humiliating her and deserved a taste of his own medicine.

TheProblemOfSusan Wed 01-Feb-17 21:18:55

Nope. He was being rude, and he started it.

tharsheblows Wed 01-Feb-17 21:19:09

Your goals were to stop him from harassing the woman and make him think twice before doing it again. You definitely succeeded in the first and most likely in the second, all while keeping calm. Well done!

Mypoorhat Wed 01-Feb-17 21:19:36

I love that you did this. Well done you!

Sassypants82 Wed 01-Feb-17 21:20:31

I wouldn't apologise to him at all. I think it would weaken the point you made & make him feel his (ridiculous, ignorant) argument was justified. Good enough for him to meet his match. He should think about how rude he was. Good on you for standing up for that lady. I'm sure she really appreciated your support & sounds like you called him out appropriately.

user892 Wed 01-Feb-17 21:20:36

Don't you dare apologise! I'd have loved to have seen it!

Mrsglitterfairy Wed 01-Feb-17 21:21:11

Absolutely not BU on your part. Well done you wineflowers

AndShesGone Wed 01-Feb-17 21:22:53

I also love that you did this.

People need to be called out on their utterly shitty bullying behaviour. Its SO mysoginistic him having a go at the woman with a baby.

DarthMother Wed 01-Feb-17 21:23:09

He should be the one apologising!

LordRothermereBlackshirtCunt Wed 01-Feb-17 21:23:09

Apologise? No way! Next time you see him ask him in a very loud, concerned whisper (the kind that everyone can hear) if he's managed to get help for his little problem.

Soubriquet Wed 01-Feb-17 21:24:10

Well done.

You made a sexist ignorant man think twice about opening his mouth again

toogoodtobetruex Wed 01-Feb-17 21:24:19

You're my hero! I always like to think if I were in that situation I'd do a similar thing but in reality I'd be nowhere near as eloquent and calm as you. You totally did the right thing, that poor woman shouldn't be shamed for breastfeeding, especially when the alternative is go sit in a disgusting train toilet? His problem, no one elses. I bet he assumed no one would dare stand up to him.

Madbengalmum Wed 01-Feb-17 21:24:26

Sounds like you did the right thing.

jcne Wed 01-Feb-17 21:25:04

LOL. what a dick. good for you, you are a hero.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Wed 01-Feb-17 21:25:14

Damn right he should be hiding his head behind the metro or preferably in a cave somewhere. He aught to be highly ashamed of himself. Telling a breastfeeding women to feed her baby in the toilet. How fucking dare he. Would he eat his lunch in pissy sweaty toilet.
Good for you for speaking up. star

DearMrDilkington Wed 01-Feb-17 21:26:39

Well done you!!

If you see him again ask him if his battled his demons yet, even better if you gove him a leaflet aimed at teenage boysgrin.

Thecatmademedoit Wed 01-Feb-17 21:26:53

A-mazing. gin

Doublemint Wed 01-Feb-17 21:27:28

<waves pom poms>

THANK YOU on behalf of all breastfeeding mums and women who are spoken to like shit by self entitled men.


happypoobum Wed 01-Feb-17 21:27:31

YANBU. Hopefully he won't be such a total dick if someone dares to feed their child in front of him again.

NanoNinja Wed 01-Feb-17 21:27:40

Oh my God. No way should you apologise. You should probably share a script so that we can all use it, though.

Pinotwoman82 Wed 01-Feb-17 21:27:42

It was a lovely thing to do, definitely don't apologise to him!

CremeEggThief Wed 01-Feb-17 21:27:50

YANBU. What a silly man!angry

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