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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to this rude man on the train?

329 replies

Tabbylady · 01/02/2017 21:10

Sometimes I commute by train. Today coming home I was at a table with a woman & baby opposite me and man next to me. I've seen the man a few times- it's a small train and we obviously do a similar commute.

I had smiled at the woman and commented on her cute baby before the man got on. The woman started to breastfeed her baby and almost immediately the man started making disgusted noises and told her to "go and do that in the toilet". She seemed really shocked/speechless.

I said excuse me but she isn't bothering me and I'm opposite her, pointed out that it's illegal to stop someone from breastfeeding in public now, and invited him to go and eat his smelly egg sandwich in the toilet instead. He wasn't really having any of it and said she was flaunting herself, to think of the effect it might have on "those boys" (a table of oblivious teenagers halfway down the train). The woman was now in tears. I'd had a bad day at work and lost the plot a bit.

For context, I work in criminal justice. I was working on my laptop on a presentation on sex offenders I'm due to do, where I have some expertise. (OK to do on a train, it's in the public domain and no graphic images etc!) but did notice him peering at my laptop screen.

I told him, very loudly, that if he was unable to cope with the merest sight of breast in a completely appropriate, public context and was finding himself uncontrollably aroused then I was seriously concerned that he was some kind of sexual deviant and should seek help immediately. I did this in a very earnest, straight-faced, concerned-for-your-health and totally PA way. People nearby noticed, and laughed. He was all flustered, went scarlet and buried himself in the Metro.

I got off at the same stop as the woman and apologised to her as I did not want to have embarassed her. She said it was ok and that she wasn't embarrassed, nice to have been stuck up for etc so I know I did broadly the right thing there.

But did I take it too far with the man? He was being really awful, but I was pretty rude and he was clearly embarrassed. I'll probably see him again on the train. Do I need to apologise to him too??

I'm imagining him on oldmansnet complaining about this nasty random young(ish) woman who accused him in public of being a sex offender!!!

OP posts:
pixie32 · 01/02/2017 21:29

Thank you, from a breast feeding mum who is sometimes made to feel uncomfortable by people that seem to have a similar attitude to the man on the train. I wish I was as gutsy as you. Star

AwkwardSquad · 01/02/2017 21:29

Do not apologise! He deserved it!

I wish I'd been there to see it, I'd have given you a round of applause Grin

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 01/02/2017 21:29

Bloody good for you OP. What a prick, glad someone was there to put him back in his box.

PastysPrincess · 01/02/2017 21:29

Definitely don't apologise. Well Done you.Flowers

Sandsnake · 01/02/2017 21:29

No, he sounds like a mega dick. Well done for sticking up for the woman. Smile

Strongmummy · 01/02/2017 21:30

No he's a total dick

cheminotte · 01/02/2017 21:30

Well done you! Nothing to apologise for!

ConvincingLiar · 01/02/2017 21:31

He deserves embarrassment. Your response was entirely proportionate.

needapaddle · 01/02/2017 21:31

You are my hero Star! Love the way you handled it - no apology necessary.

GeorgeTheHamster · 01/02/2017 21:31

Don't apologise. Maybe you went a teeny tiny bit far but you probably had no choice and you did broadly the right thing. Plus - he was being a tosser.

CatchTheRainbow · 01/02/2017 21:32

This reply has been deleted

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SleightOfMind · 01/02/2017 21:33

I luffs you - even though it's not a wine night!

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 01/02/2017 21:34

If anything you were too mild on him. Fucking prick.
For you:
Wine Cake Flowers

EweAreHere · 01/02/2017 21:34

He said the breastfeeding mother was 'flaunting herself' and told her to go and feed her baby in a filthy train toilet.

I don't think you embarrassed him enough, frankly. He needed to be put in his place and them some.

Well done you, OP.

OohhItsNotHoxton · 01/02/2017 21:34

Hell no. Do Not Apologise. You sound amazing. I wish I'd been there.

CookieLady · 01/02/2017 21:35

Well done, Op! FlowersWine

Maisy84 · 01/02/2017 21:35

Whatever you don't apologise! He intended to humiliate the mother and ended up with a taste of his own medicine. Well done!!!!

NotAUserNumberSoNotATroll · 01/02/2017 21:36

You're epic, every self confident breastfeeding mum wanting the best for their child needs you as a guardian angel Halo

NotAUserNumberSoNotATroll · 01/02/2017 21:36

*self conscious

Original poster
Tabbylady · 01/02/2017 21:37

Phew!

LordRothermere Oh hadn't thought of that- the temptation is so strong! Should I carry some of the literature I provide to my clients in my handbag and slide it across to him should I ever see him again...?

I actually think I was primed and in concerned professional mode from going over my presentation Grin

It really bothered me when I was BF (and hopefully will be soon again :) ) that people would give side-eye etc so was probably reliving those days/thinking of future. Though no-one was ever that rude to me!

Maybe I won't apologise to him after all.

OP posts:
Donotpress · 01/02/2017 21:38

Big fan of your work OP. No apology required (except from him!)

BlowMeDownWithAFeatherMissis · 01/02/2017 21:38

I echo the poster who said share the script! Fantastic work.

sonyaya · 01/02/2017 21:39

Well done for sticking up for the woman, the man sounds a total dinosaur. Personally (and I'm obviously in the minority) I don't think calling him a sex offender was necessary.

snowgirl1 · 01/02/2017 21:40

Well done you. Flowers
Don't apologise.

Cguk81 · 01/02/2017 21:40

Good work and absolutely do not apologise. Just give him evils if you see him again so that he knows you still think that his behaviour was shocking.

And to try and restore mumsnetters faith in humanity I can offer a story that is pretty much the total opposite of your experience. I was on my usual train home, pretty busy. I sat at a table next to a man and across from a woman with a very young baby. I just assumed they were together. The woman started breastfeeding her baby and I got chatting to her a bit. Next thing the guy next to me joined in, saying how fantastic it was to see breastfeeding being 'normal' and what a lovely baby it was etc. Turned out they weren't together but the guy had a young child at home. You could see he so obviously wanted to let this new mum know that she was doing so well with the feeding and wanted to make her feel comfortable. So basically the complete opposite of the tosser you had to endure on your journey!