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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to this rude man on the train?

329 replies

Tabbylady · 01/02/2017 21:10

Sometimes I commute by train. Today coming home I was at a table with a woman & baby opposite me and man next to me. I've seen the man a few times- it's a small train and we obviously do a similar commute.

I had smiled at the woman and commented on her cute baby before the man got on. The woman started to breastfeed her baby and almost immediately the man started making disgusted noises and told her to "go and do that in the toilet". She seemed really shocked/speechless.

I said excuse me but she isn't bothering me and I'm opposite her, pointed out that it's illegal to stop someone from breastfeeding in public now, and invited him to go and eat his smelly egg sandwich in the toilet instead. He wasn't really having any of it and said she was flaunting herself, to think of the effect it might have on "those boys" (a table of oblivious teenagers halfway down the train). The woman was now in tears. I'd had a bad day at work and lost the plot a bit.

For context, I work in criminal justice. I was working on my laptop on a presentation on sex offenders I'm due to do, where I have some expertise. (OK to do on a train, it's in the public domain and no graphic images etc!) but did notice him peering at my laptop screen.

I told him, very loudly, that if he was unable to cope with the merest sight of breast in a completely appropriate, public context and was finding himself uncontrollably aroused then I was seriously concerned that he was some kind of sexual deviant and should seek help immediately. I did this in a very earnest, straight-faced, concerned-for-your-health and totally PA way. People nearby noticed, and laughed. He was all flustered, went scarlet and buried himself in the Metro.

I got off at the same stop as the woman and apologised to her as I did not want to have embarassed her. She said it was ok and that she wasn't embarrassed, nice to have been stuck up for etc so I know I did broadly the right thing there.

But did I take it too far with the man? He was being really awful, but I was pretty rude and he was clearly embarrassed. I'll probably see him again on the train. Do I need to apologise to him too??

I'm imagining him on oldmansnet complaining about this nasty random young(ish) woman who accused him in public of being a sex offender!!!

OP posts:
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 01/02/2017 22:05

Hurray for you, OP! Star

Don't you dare apologise.

Lessthanaballpark · 01/02/2017 22:05

Well done you. Go breastfeed in the fucking toilet, my arse!

Badgoushk · 01/02/2017 22:07

You superstar! Definitely don't apologise.

multivac · 01/02/2017 22:09

YANBU for how you acted. YABU for the whole disingenuous, 'Should I apologise? Did I overdo it?' stuff. Although I get that it's important to share this where there is most traffic.

mogloveseggs · 01/02/2017 22:09

Op you're a Star

Peanutandphoenix · 01/02/2017 22:10

Well done OP don't you dare apologies to that sexist misogynistic pig that poor woman's baby is entitled to food just like that knob head goon is am glad you put him in his place maybe next time he will think twice before suggesting that a baby be fed in a toilet if he's not willing to eat in the toilet then don't expect a baby to either.

RidgeyRidge · 01/02/2017 22:12

Do not apologise to this bully pig-man, he deserved to be embarrassed.

It sounds like what you did was great WineSmile

Peanutbutterrules · 01/02/2017 22:14

Perfect...just perfect. Off to memorise it in case of future need.

Glare at him in future, don't ever apologise!

Original poster
Tabbylady · 01/02/2017 22:15

I didn't think I was being disingenuous, just worried I'd been OTT Sad
I am PG and a bit hormonal and can sometimes come across as sarky at the best of times!

I do worry though that instead of making him feel embarrassed and guilty I've just made him feel embarrassed and angry and he'd be even more of a dick next time he sees someone BF- which is why I am/was considering apologising.

OP posts:
MLGs · 01/02/2017 22:17

Well done you. Everything you said was perfect.

multivac · 01/02/2017 22:19

Well, hopefully four pages of being told you are a superstar and hero has reassured you... Smile

VallarMorghulis · 01/02/2017 22:21

I applaud you!

He got all he deserved. Don't you dare apologise!

MLGs · 01/02/2017 22:22

I'd like to see you bfing in public whilst reading over your sex offender pamphlets. That would fox people like him!

SweetieBaby · 01/02/2017 22:24

Well done OP Flowers

228agreenend · 01/02/2017 22:25

Well done you, and don't apologise, and thank you from me also (and my breast-feeding days are long gone).

If you see him again, just acknowledge him with a friendly nod.

PostTruthEra · 01/02/2017 22:28

I wish I could deliver such calm and clever comebacks when the situation warrants them.

Sadly, I go red and get flustered, occasionally managing something like 'sod off'. I then spend the next few weeks coming up with incredibly witty comments which only my DH gets to hear.

Anyway, the only time I've ever had negative comments about breastfeeding in public (from family is a different matter) was on a train, so thank you for speaking up for breastfeeding mothers!

WorraLiberty · 01/02/2017 22:28

He didn't reply at all, just buried his head and his egg sandwich in the Metro?

Surely he must have said something?

CactusFred · 01/02/2017 22:31

Do not apologise !
What an utter twat bucket.
Good on you for speaking up!

dollyboots · 01/02/2017 22:31

I bloody love the way you handled this.

GavelRavel · 01/02/2017 22:33

i think what you did was awesome!

Willow2016 · 01/02/2017 22:36

Dont you dare apologise to that awful man. He is a complete dick.

I do hope he will now think twice before trying to humilate a woman to make himself feel like a 'big man'.

You did what many wouldnt have the guts to do, standing up for someone who was being bullied. Well done Flowers
I would have started a round of applause for you Smile

purpleleotard · 01/02/2017 22:38

Bravo

AskBasil · 01/02/2017 22:40

You absolutely do not owe this man an apology.

Imagine what a bully he must be, to sit there and tell another person, who is in a vulnerable position (baby there) that he doesn't want her there and she should go and sit in a room that smells of piss.

Imagine the contempt he has for other human beings, to even suggest that.

Remember how intimidating it is, to feel that you are under attack and you can't defend yourself because your baby needs protection.

Fuck him and all men like him who would be so shitty as to do this. It's one thing to be ignorant and feel offended. It's quite another thing to use your bulk and strength and privilege, to let someone vulnerable know that you disapprove. It's threatening at a primal level. Fuck him, really.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/02/2017 22:43

Apologise. To that fucking ignorant daft sexist wanker.

Don't you dare!!!!!

notagiraffe · 01/02/2017 22:44

Not read the whole thread but I think you handled it really well. If everyone reminds people that it's weird and deviant to see breastfeeding as sexual they'll eventually get the message. It has to be normalised.

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