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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to this rude man on the train?

329 replies

Tabbylady · 01/02/2017 21:10

Sometimes I commute by train. Today coming home I was at a table with a woman & baby opposite me and man next to me. I've seen the man a few times- it's a small train and we obviously do a similar commute.

I had smiled at the woman and commented on her cute baby before the man got on. The woman started to breastfeed her baby and almost immediately the man started making disgusted noises and told her to "go and do that in the toilet". She seemed really shocked/speechless.

I said excuse me but she isn't bothering me and I'm opposite her, pointed out that it's illegal to stop someone from breastfeeding in public now, and invited him to go and eat his smelly egg sandwich in the toilet instead. He wasn't really having any of it and said she was flaunting herself, to think of the effect it might have on "those boys" (a table of oblivious teenagers halfway down the train). The woman was now in tears. I'd had a bad day at work and lost the plot a bit.

For context, I work in criminal justice. I was working on my laptop on a presentation on sex offenders I'm due to do, where I have some expertise. (OK to do on a train, it's in the public domain and no graphic images etc!) but did notice him peering at my laptop screen.

I told him, very loudly, that if he was unable to cope with the merest sight of breast in a completely appropriate, public context and was finding himself uncontrollably aroused then I was seriously concerned that he was some kind of sexual deviant and should seek help immediately. I did this in a very earnest, straight-faced, concerned-for-your-health and totally PA way. People nearby noticed, and laughed. He was all flustered, went scarlet and buried himself in the Metro.

I got off at the same stop as the woman and apologised to her as I did not want to have embarassed her. She said it was ok and that she wasn't embarrassed, nice to have been stuck up for etc so I know I did broadly the right thing there.

But did I take it too far with the man? He was being really awful, but I was pretty rude and he was clearly embarrassed. I'll probably see him again on the train. Do I need to apologise to him too??

I'm imagining him on oldmansnet complaining about this nasty random young(ish) woman who accused him in public of being a sex offender!!!

OP posts:

Westworld · 03/02/2017 22:10

On behalf of all breast feeding mothers Thank You!

Loved hearing this!!

foxyloxy78 · 03/02/2017 22:14

He's a stupid ignorant man and you did the right thing to put him firmly in his place. Well done.

Heebiejeebies77 · 03/02/2017 22:38

I wonder how he would have reacted to a hungry baby crying pitifully for it's mothers breast...he was being stupid, you helped him achieve clarity. Job done.

When you see him again, brazen it out - I'm sure he's nice in his own way, we are all God's children, have good and bad in us blah blah blah but he did something unacceptable and made a woman doing something totally natural and loving, feel uncomfortable and shamed.

Let him feel that sting for a while.

Insabbathstheatre · 03/02/2017 23:35

Well you were far more polite than I was yesterday - I told the ignorant male on my train journey he was a c*t and to f*k off - it may not have been polite but it was necessary imo! I had to repeat myself because he said 'what did you say to me!' - felt very good and hopefully he might think before he behaves so badly against women again - weak pathetic males who would never abuse men in the same way because they are cowards! Good for you - and well done!

SundialShadow · 03/02/2017 23:43

Very loud applause and more of this kind of thing please.

Well done, you stuck up for someone who needed it against someone who was being very much a busybody arse trying to make someone feel bad for nourishing her baby.

I love that you told him to go and eat his sandwich in the toilet.

Sorry you are working on a horrible work case but it sounds like you have retained your humanity and compassion for those who need support.

I bet Mr Judgey will think twice about being a prat to breastfeeding women in future.

Mammyashy1 · 04/02/2017 00:04

You where spot on and due to your profession you worded it the the best possible way. He was the one that was completely out of order

cherish123 · 04/02/2017 01:03

He did sound a bit rude but to be honest (and I am speaking as a woman who breastfeed for 2 and a half years) you do not actually need to breastfeed in public. I would time feeds and trips out around each other. If I knew I would be out for an hour, I'd feed DC before I went out. I also expressed (esp if going to a restaurant) as other people don't really want to see your tits (and midriff, for that matter) when they are eating.

beallrightdahlin · 04/02/2017 01:20

3 words, OP: I LOVE YOU!

TheStoic · 04/02/2017 02:30

Your choice to juggle your life so you always breastfed in private is literally of no interest to anyone else.

123MothergotafleA · 04/02/2017 03:54

Go girl!!
I wish I'd seen that exchange myself, if only I had the courage to speak up when necessary!
Keep up the good work Tabbyx

funkky · 04/02/2017 06:26

Jeez! Currently breastfeeding my baby at 6am. She breast feeds all the time, no routine or schedule. I was loving the positivity on this thread until you came along.
Now thinking, I have no courage to get out because people like you exist!

funkky · 04/02/2017 06:27

That's to Cherish123 the master planner/ organiser

GavelRavel · 04/02/2017 07:45

cherish123 what an idiotic thing to say. Many people with babies have to go out at specific times to pick up older children etc. not to mention to socialise and avoid PND, which hanging around at home all day apart from the odd mad dash out between 3 hour feeds is not conducive to. and nobody gets their midriff out, it's winter, have you really bf a baby? very different technique to most people if you have. anyone reading this who is currently bf, ignore the odd backward opinion like this, the vast, vast majority of people will be supportive.

Basicbrown · 04/02/2017 07:54

you do not actually need to breastfeed in public

Well I certainly needed to bottlefeed in public unless I hardly ever left the house. Ah hang on you're right postnatal women shouldn't be seen outside the house unless absolutely necessary or have any life at all outside organising breastfeeding around the school run

supermoon100 · 04/02/2017 08:08

I breastfed any where and every where, never showed my midriff or breasts. Never had any complaints but wish I had, woulda shamed them. Well done op! I've seen more mens willies from weeing in public than I ever have boobies for babies!

Phantommanflinger · 04/02/2017 09:05

cherish people wouldn't see anything if they stopped staring at breastfeeding women like fucking perverted weirdos.
Babies should be offered boobs whenever they seem hungry, even if that means breastfeeding on a train, bus, shop, restaurant; basically anywhere.

STOP SEXUALISING BREASTFEEDING ITS PERVERTED, SICK AND WRONG.

Soubriquet · 04/02/2017 09:26

And cherish what is actually wrong with BF in public hmm?

It's what breasts are for you know

And I'm guessing you only had one baby since you could time feeding times all around you going out...

Not possible with more than one child.

School runs for example

funkky · 04/02/2017 09:49

How can you even plan around Babies, maybe if you are bf a 1yo you could have a routine in place but babies bf for comfort too. How do you know they won't just decide to scream a place down?

Postchildrenpregranny · 04/02/2017 09:54

I bf two babies nearly 30years ago when it was perhaps less common to do it 'in public'.DD 1 seemed to feed constantly and if i hadnt been prepared to do it anywhere we'd never have left the house. After my( male) boss sat down beside me as I fed on a bench outside the building we worked in ,admired the baby and chatted happily for about 20 mins without any embarassment on either of our parts I decided that I would never let it embarrass me .I dont recall ever having a negative remark or look and indeed older women would often say to me how nice it was to see a bf baby .I now try and make a point of smiling at anyone I see doing it .And hope I would have the courage to intervene as you did OP.I think I would as I no longer care much about what anyone thinks of me ! Well done

cmwife · 04/02/2017 09:57

OP, well done. If/when you see him again, a level stare and no verbal engagement should do the trick. To insabatthstheater, is the word "cunt" quite right? Sounds as though your colleague perhaps lacked the warmth, depth and general usefulness possessed by cunts.

cmwife · 04/02/2017 09:58

Sorry, not a colleague I see but a fellow traveller. My comment stands in any event.

passremarkable · 04/02/2017 10:04

Brilliant. the closest emoticon to a medal I could see

Lovingit81 · 04/02/2017 10:57

Love you, you rock! X

Bunnyfuller · 04/02/2017 14:03

Well done you, what an awful wanker

chocoblock · 05/02/2017 12:21

OP you done good, if I were you I would look out for him and if he's eating an egg sandwich would sit opposite him and say excuse me you are offending me eating that sandwich can you go and eat it in the toilet please

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