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To wonder why domestic violence is seen as a womans issue and abused men are often ignored

(421 Posts)
IHaveArrivedAtABadTime Tue 24-Jan-17 17:19:02

Not trying to start an argument, am just curious that's all.

40% of domestic violence victims are men yet male victims seemed to be ignored a lot of the time.

Women have shelters and refuges but there seems to be little in place to help abused men. I've just googled help for male dv victims in my city and there's nothing sad

AIBU to think there should be more help for male victims and we should be working on removing the stigma attached to being a male victim?

reup Tue 24-Jan-17 17:20:17

Where did you get the 40% figure from? The stats I've seen are way way lower.

IHaveArrivedAtABadTime Tue 24-Jan-17 17:23:43

The Office for National Statistics reup.

BertPuttocks Tue 24-Jan-17 17:25:35

Women have shelters because women have campaigned and fought for them.

There is nothing to stop men from doing the same.

I agree though that there should be more support available for male victims.

Oswin Tue 24-Jan-17 17:26:17

Where is that figure from?

Women had to fight to set up refuges.
If there is more support for men needed then that will have to fought for too, and funded by charity mainly.

I personally think the only way for more mens refuges to be set up is for men to start campaigning in a sensible way. At the moment a lot of men think its women's fault there isn't many men's refuges.

reup Tue 24-Jan-17 17:26:45

Have you got the link?

These are the figures I read recently.

www.refuge.org.uk/about-domestic-violence/domestic-violence-and-gender/

Tiredbutfuckingfine Tue 24-Jan-17 17:28:15

Any data on how many men per week die as a result of female domestic violence?

HirplesWithHaggis Tue 24-Jan-17 17:28:57

new.mankind.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/30-Key-Facts-Male-Victims-Nov-2016.pdf

Stats from www.mankind.org.uk

BertrandRussell Tue 24-Jan-17 17:29:02

"Women have shelters and refuges but there seems to be little in place to help abused men. I've just googled help for male dv victims in my city and there's nothing sad"

Nothing to stop men setting them up. Women set up the ones for women, after all.

Out of interest, how many men are killed by their partners every week?

GashleyCrumbTiny Tue 24-Jan-17 17:29:08

I am also suspicious of your figures there...

IHaveArrivedAtABadTime Tue 24-Jan-17 17:31:50

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/compendium/focusonviolentcrimeandsexualoffences/yearendingmarch2015/chapter4intimatepersonalviolenceandpartnerabuse

Blinkyblink Tue 24-Jan-17 17:32:39

Oh come on Op.

1. There is a very real anatomical difference between men and women. It the vast majority of cases men are taller than the female partners, broader and stronger. They are therefore able to do more damage. A lot more damage.

2. Women and children generally come as a package. The rights and wrongs of that can be debated, but it's a fact. Hence the importance of protecting women because they are invariable with their off spring.

3. Read the news on any given day on any given country. Find a disturbing story. Whether it's a mugging, a rape, a violent burglary. The chances are, a man has committed it. 92% of provision inmates in this country are.... men.

So really, do I need to go on?

MrsPnut Tue 24-Jan-17 17:32:51

How many of the 40% are male perpetrators of domestic violence making false claims to the police when they attend a disturbance?

Bibblewanda Tue 24-Jan-17 17:32:51

Used to work in DV. A significant majority of male "victims" were also perpetrators. He could have kicked the shit out of his partner for years and the one time she shoved back he would report to the police and be recorded as a victim. Happens all the time.

If men are suffering so much from DV then they can get their own act together and raise money for their own shelters and so on forth.

Domestic violence is overwhelmingly male on female violence. It's a fucking joke and the constant cries of "men are victims too" is frankly insulting.

HTH.

MorrisZapp Tue 24-Jan-17 17:32:59

Apparently feminists should be sorting out male refuges too, while men do nothing.

I'm not an expert but I always assumed a big factor in the lack of male refuges was the lack of demand. Men don't usually flee with children or the clothes on their back, or do they?

Oswin Tue 24-Jan-17 17:33:25

This article suggests the figure you have given is flawed. www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/11666990/Domestic-abuse-and-violence-is-not-gender-neutral.-Wake-up-Britain.html

Bibblewanda Tue 24-Jan-17 17:33:37

I've just googled help for male dv victims in my city and there's nothing

Off you pop and set one up then!

Morphene Tue 24-Jan-17 17:33:46

I think the 40% figure probably isn't too far off, but that doesn't necessarily equate to as much of a need for male refuges. Men are less likely than women to have no access to independent money. So men may find it easier to move out of an abusive situation than women on average.

Of course that is only the average situation and many men are trapped in abusive relationships (I personally know someone in this position).

I think more should be done and said about men suffering domestic abuse, but that shouldn't detract from everything being said and done for women suffering domestic abuse.

OneWithTheForce Tue 24-Jan-17 17:33:54

AIBU to think there should be more help for male victims

No, not at all. Of course there should be more help.

and we should be working on removing the stigma attached to being a male victim?

We are, are you?

wetcardboard Tue 24-Jan-17 17:34:14

Women's refuges didn't fall out of the sky. The only reason women have refuges in the first place is because women started taking abused women into their homes back in the 70s, partly as an initiative arising from the feminist movement. Feminism articulated the need for refuges for abused women, and other women volunteered their time and homes. Eventually the process was formalised into the system we have today.

There should indeed be services for men, but men need to do the work to make it happen. Women have enough on our plate already- women's services are forever under threat of funding cuts and even closure.

RebelRogue Tue 24-Jan-17 17:34:16

Let's say the figures are right. I highly doubt it though. Women have shelters,refuges and support because women volunteer,donate and have fought to have them done. There's absolutely nothing stopping men from doing the same. Speak up,campaign,set one up,donate etc.
On a personal level,if someone tells me they are being abused, I don't care what their sex is, i just ask "how can i help?".
Yes there is a stigma for male dv victims. A stigma created,perpetuated and promoted by other men.

WorraLiberty Tue 24-Jan-17 17:34:44

I'm not sue it's 40% confused

But YANBU. I don't think there's enough help or publicity actually as it's still seen by many as 'un-macho' to admit to being attacked by your wife or girlfriend.

Bibblewanda Tue 24-Jan-17 17:35:01

And frankly no I don't think there should be more help for male victims. Funds are fucking non existent and they should go to the majority of victims - women.

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 24-Jan-17 17:35:01

The stats are dodgy. There are reasons like how we count, conflating self defense and abuse, revenge reporting...

However, there are excellent resources for men where I live. Mainly staffed and supported by women. If anyone is ignoring and minimizing male victims, it is other men. Are you also asking this question on reddit?

AVirginLitTheCandle Tue 24-Jan-17 17:37:42

A significant majority of male "victims" were also perpetrators. He could have kicked the shit out of his partner for years and the one time she shoved back he would report to the police and be recorded as a victim.

Do you have any links to anything which back those claims up?

I know it's your own personal experience and I don't doubt you but I often feel like I'm fighting a losing battle when I try to argue that domestic violence is a gendered issue.

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