To wonder why domestic violence is seen as a womans issue and abused men are often ignored

[IHaveArrivedAtABadTime]

Not trying to start an argument, am just curious that's all.

40% of domestic violence victims are men yet male victims seemed to be ignored a lot of the time.

Women have shelters and refuges but there seems to be little in place to help abused men. I've just googled help for male dv victims in my city and there's nothing

AIBU to think there should be more help for male victims and we should be working on removing the stigma attached to being a male victim?

[merrymouse]

Why call the organisation 'parity'?

Why make the problem of an issue of Men v. Women?

Women are more likely to need refuge because

1. they are more likely to have responsibility for children (who may not be the children of the abusive partner)
   
2. they are less likely to be financially independent.
   
   Certainly men complaining of a domestic abuse shouldn't be laughed at. However, what does that have to do with women? It should be possible to justify men's refuges because there is a proven need.

[Justanothernameonthepage]

I would happily donate to shelters for either sex, but the MRA are happier blaming people wanting equality for everything than for stepping up to contribute to making a positive difference. They also like to twist things to make it seem as though women are somehow equally likely to abuse their partners. Womens shelters are there to save lives - and the vast majority of domestic violence related deaths are committed by men. I do think there should be government funding for shelters, for customer (both gender) and LGBT+ but at the moment there are UK cities with no shelters for anyone due to budget cuts and I wouldn't argue against the small budget there is, being used to save the most in need

[formerbabe]

I've read posts on here where an abused woman has finally retaliated and the abusive man has threatened to report her.

[venusinscorpio]

Because they're MRAs and as such anti feminism is their main focus.

[worridmum]

by that reckoning mental health should be a gendered issue as the majorty of people who commit suicde and or suffer from serous mental health problems are males they should get the vast majority of aviliable resouces.

(but we are not allowed to campaign using a male slant for mental health as its sexist apprently).

I am bowing out now i do not want to derail this any further

[Justanothernameonthepage]

OK... Apparently my phone auto corrects cis to customer...

[merrymouse]

(And obviously more likely to need refuge if they are more likely to be victims of domestic abuse - my point is that it is possible to be a victim of domestic abuse but not need a place in a refuge)

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

Thanks for that Rusty. I've had a very long day.

I know early last year that the ONS stats did state that it was 41.1% male victims however it has since been updated and the number of male victims has appeared to have gone down. I wonder why that is?

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I've supported male DV victims. Doesn't stop the majority of victims being female and the overwhelming majority of perpetrators being male. In both cases there had been violence in both directions.

And since the massive majority of people in power and people with money are men, why the hell would women be in charge of this issue? Of course we are. But why?

[worridmum]

btw what that domestic abuse worker is only getting the side of people she worked with.

It like me cliaming that there is a significant number of "female" victims are also perpotators becuase some are .....

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

btw what that domestic abuse worker is only getting the side of people she worked with.

And you know this how exactly?

[MrsDustyBusty]

It like me cliaming that there is a significant number of "female" victims are also perpotators becuase some are .....

Why do you have female in inverted commas? What are you trying to imply?

[LuluLovesFruitcakes]

You really can't compare it to mental health

If you wanna go down that rabbit hole...look at how many abused women suffer with mental health problems such as PTSD, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, drug and alcohol dependencies, all as a direct result of abuse they suffer. Also the women that attempt or commit suicide to escape the abuse.

Light reading - www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/domestic-abuse-is-a-gendered-crime/

[Bibblewanda]

There is a culture of where a male cannot be seen as a victim like the user prevously said most male "victims" are propetators as well which is stuidly offesive and boarder line victim blaming and shame on you.

It is not a "culture". It is the reality. I worked in DV every day, night and day, for seven years. I assure you it is the reality.

you do know men get laughed at in police stations

You do know women get laughed at in police stations? You are sadly living in a fantasy land if you think that police support for female victims of DV is anywhere near ideal. There are a few excellent forces but the majority still have a long way to go.

I worked with a lady who went to the police three times about her partner hitting her. All three times he assured them she was nuts, had MH issues, unhinged etc etc.

The fourth time he killed her.

I'd like to say that was a one off. Sadly it isn't.

his case caused a massive review into the cultural of the police force

Shame the hundreds of cases where women have been disbelieved and then murdered haven't triggered a similar review then.

Jesus.

[TheHouseOfIllRepute]

MRAs seem to be more concerned about putting women in their place than actually doing anything for men

[neonrainbow]

I think people are sticking domestic abuse and domestic violence together. Abuse isn't always violent. Surely its possible that a large number of men could subjected to emotional or financial abuse? Domestic abuse isn't all about who can punch harder and it's pretty sick that some people will minimise abuse suffered by a man on the assumption that a woman is smaller or weaker. If a 6ft tall 20st woman was abused and attacked by her 5ft 5, 10st husband, is that ok? Because she should be able to defend herself?

Many men probably fear ridicule if they admit their wife is abusing them in any form. Doesnt mean it doesn't happen and it doesnt mean those men dont deserve help.

[Bibblewanda]

btw what that domestic abuse worker is only getting the side of people she worked with.

That's me you're addressing. But no, I do not "only one side".

Many of the male "victims" I came into contact with murdered their female partners. Is that enough for you or are they still the victims?

[ChocolateFuzz]

A while ago I heard about a man who did try to set up a male domestic violence shelter

Here's an article I found about it: womenspost.ca/owner-of-shelter-for-abused-men-and-children-commits-suicide-after-financial-ruin-ridicule/

[Bibblewanda]

rainbow

Larger numbers of men suffer psychological abuse than physical but the number of women suffering this is still higher.

It's only to be expected. There is a huge power imbalance between men and women still.

[Bibblewanda]

I never stopped to consider the reason why there are more women's shelters than men's shelters.

Sigh.

[venusinscorpio]

No one is saying they don't need help but they are unlikely to need to flee to a refuge. I think it's far rarer for a woman to be in a position to financially abuse a man although it happens. And the numbers of women who minimise their emotional and financial abuse is also very high.

It's a gendered issue and funding etc has to reflect that.

[merrymouse]

by that reckoning mental health should be a gendered issue as the majorty of people who commit suicde and or suffer from serous mental health problems are males they should get the vast majority of aviliable resouces.

You don't need to have one part of mental health services allocated to men and the other to women. OK, you might want to provide resources aimed at particular groups, but you don't need two different sets of infrastructure. Resources can be allocated according to need, not sex. Possibly most people receiving mental health services are men.

However, the nature of a refuge for women is that it needs to be for women and it needs to be a building.

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

It's interesting though worrid that you say that men are less likely to report because of fear of not being taken seriously.

I think it's true that men generally don't report because they feel embarrassed about being a victim and worry they won't be taken seriously however I don't think that men are less likely to report because of this reason.

The embarrassment factor is often brought up into these discussions but at the same time people fail to consider the reasons why women in abusive relationships don't report their abuser.

So what are the main reasons why women wouldn't report their abuser? Very likely fear of being killed and/or fear their children will be killed.

So embarrassment vs fear of being killed...why do people think that the person fearing embarrassment is much less likely to report? What makes people come to that conclusion?

[AuntieStella]

SSAFA, which picks up the pieces after DV in military families provides services to both women and men.

There really shouldn't be divisions over this.

Victims needs help immediately and support in securing a violence Fred future.

Weight of numbers means more services for women. But all victims need to be able to access support.

[venusinscorpio]

I should say the number of women who minimise their emotional and financial abuse by their partners