To wonder why domestic violence is seen as a womans issue and abused men are often ignored

[IHaveArrivedAtABadTime]

Not trying to start an argument, am just curious that's all.

40% of domestic violence victims are men yet male victims seemed to be ignored a lot of the time.

Women have shelters and refuges but there seems to be little in place to help abused men. I've just googled help for male dv victims in my city and there's nothing

AIBU to think there should be more help for male victims and we should be working on removing the stigma attached to being a male victim?

[SenseiWoo]

Interesting. Why is the provision of refuges and other services for women a challenge or impediment to people campaigning for male victims of women abusers? Surely they should be using it as an example to be followed.

If this were my issue I'd have a catchy name (Eccehomo?), celebrity endorsements and ads in everything from GQ to Autotrader raising money for premises and counselling services within the week.

And when people talk about stigma preventing male abusers seeking help, that's another evasion, isn't it? When men get mocked and excluded for failing to live up to patriarchal norms, it is overwhelmingly other men doing it to them.

[Bibblewanda]

So what are the main reasons why women wouldn't report their abuser? Very likely fear of being killed and/or fear their children will be killed

This x1000

When men don't report for fear of being laughed at and women don't report for fear of being killed you have got all the answers you need OP.

[LuluLovesFruitcakes]

When men get mocked and excluded for failing to live up to patriarchal norms, it is overwhelmingly other men doing it to them.

And yet it's still somehow all feminism's fault

[Bibblewanda]

Everything is lulu ?

[Bibblewanda]

Dunno where that question mark came from

[picklemepopcorn]

Some of the male victims of DV are in gay relationships, or being abused by a relative, the perpetrators are still usually male.

Men are generally more able to protect themselves from women, both physically and financially.

There are far far more females at risk, and the risk is far more serious.

If a woman removes herself from one abusive situation without a safe space to go, she is very likely to find herself in another abusive situation (assaulted on a friend's sofa, or ending up doing sex work).

Men need protection too, but not at the expense of women.

[witsender]

Worrid more women attempt suicide than men statistically, it is just that men have greater success due to the methods chosen.

You could also consider that the numbers of recorded mental illnesses in men in comparison to women may be a reflection on the seriousness with which illness as a whole is taken in men. Women get fobbed off a lot.

[MorrisZapp]

Of course the people laughing at male abuse victims in police stations are...

... women??

[worridmum]

Sorry for posting i was not trying to minimize the domestic violince experence for woman and I came across poorly it was not my intention I just wanted to highlight that while i doubt the 40% firgure it certianly highier then the precivred 0-5% i often hear branded about.

[JigglyTuff]

Isn't it interesting that men are too ashamed to report DV and yet at the same time the 40% arises from men self-reporting. So are they too ashamed or not?

[AverysillyoldHector]

It is much much easier for a women to report DV then males as if a male goes to his friend / family they still often get laughed at by family and friends and told to man up as THERE IS STIGMA for a man getting beaten up by a woman

Given that women are reported to have been attacked on average 35 times before they report domestic violence, I strongly refute that comment. If only it was 'much easier' and women were listened to, maybe 2 a week wouldnt be killed at the hands of their partner/ex partner

[DJBaggySmalls]

IDK why men ignore male violence of DV, other than to castigate women for not fixing the problem.
They dont seem to want t do the persistent fundraising and campaigning women have had to do either.
Male victims of DV are more often the victims of other men rather than women. They dont want to address that either.

[Bibblewanda]

it certianly highier then the precivred 0-5% i often hear branded about.

I'm sorry but it isn't.

[Bibblewanda]

Male victims of DV are more often the victims of other men rather than women

MRAs don't want to admit that. They want it to all be nasty ball breaking feminazis who spend all their money and won't let them see their kids.

[worridmum]

Yes some of them were I thankfully got 3 of the worst offenders to lose their jobs (2 of those officers were female) as people like that should not be in the police force.

I will not be posting any more details of the personal events as i do not want to out myself or bring more pain to the family.

[DJBaggySmalls]

Bibblewanda Odd how they only acknowledge DV when its happening in the Middle East as well.

[WallisFrizz]

Right, can we stop all this shit about domestic abuse victims of either gender being laughed at at Police Stations. I'm can't say it hasn't ever happened but I can assure you that policing generally has improved in respect of DA, there is loads of training for staff and support for victims.
Don't put people off reporting abuse. The police now do very good work in this field.

[Bibblewanda]

It's not shit Wallace, I still work with victims and maybe they don't get outright laughed at but many don't get taken seriously.

[welovepancakes]

www.refuge.org.uk/about-domestic-violence/domestic-violence-and-gender/

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

Just had a read through of those stats on the refuge site and the last two actually back up what has been said by a couple of posters previously:

• In a significant majority of cases where a man reports abuse, he has also perpetrated violence
  

towards his partner (Final report of the ad-hoc Federal-Provincial-Territorial Working Group
reviewing spousal abuse policies and legislation. Canada, 2003)

• Men are less likely to have been repeat victims of domestic assault, less likely to be seriously
  

injured and less likely to report feeling fearful in their own homes (Scottish Executive Central
Research Unit, 2002).

[welovepancakes]

This organisation supports male and female victims of domestic abuse. Perhaps that's a way forward?

cea.uk.com/

[BastardBloodAndSand]

Men just don't report. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

Im ashamed to.say I have a.relative who makes her husbands life absolute hell, I only know because I've caught her in action (( pinned up against the kitchen wall by his throat )) and he's started to open up a little recently.

I don't know a massive amount of what's happened but I do know he's had to take time off work because of injuries to his face and spent the last few Christmases sleeping in his car because she decided they weren't doing Christmas that year and threw him out. I'm absolutely disgusted and have made it clear to him he shouldn't be living like this and would be welcome here. He won't leave, he makes endless excuses for her 'she isn't always like this '

'She needs help ' etc. He's spent thousands paying for her to see a psychiatrist and.things aren't changing. Personally I think everyone needs to stop making excuses for her, she's almost 50 ffs.

I find the whole thing hard to get my head around, in his normal life he leads a team of people and is very successful yet he's living like this at home and it is literally their secret.

[LuluLovesFruitcakes]

It's not shit Wallace, I still work with victims and maybe they don't get outright laughed at but many don't get taken seriously.

Sadly very very true. Particularly if they are reporting something like coercive control, post-separation abuse and stalking, emotional abuse, financial abuse etc. Some areas are strides ahead of others, and very often it depends entirely on the particular officer you speak to when reporting dva.

[Bibblewanda]

bastard that's very sad.

There are some (some) genuine male victims but the idea that there are loads out there and the reason they aren't visible is because they don't report simply isn't true.

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

I do find it interesting however that the number male victims recorded on the ONS has dropped by 10% since the previous report. I wonder if they actually listened to some of the criticism they received from the previous year and made some improvements to how they record domestic violence incidents.