To wonder why domestic violence is seen as a womans issue and abused men are often ignored

[IHaveArrivedAtABadTime]

Not trying to start an argument, am just curious that's all.

40% of domestic violence victims are men yet male victims seemed to be ignored a lot of the time.

Women have shelters and refuges but there seems to be little in place to help abused men. I've just googled help for male dv victims in my city and there's nothing

AIBU to think there should be more help for male victims and we should be working on removing the stigma attached to being a male victim?

[BiBi8]

Sorry just noticed the statistics above which speak for themselves re shelters and refuges imo. Women are being murdered in their own homes because they can't leave. Male DV is horrendous but easier to escape in ways/less likely to result in death.

[yorkshapudding]

Sigh. Not this again.

The 40% figure is often bandied about by MRA's (who seem to respond to any attempt to raise awareness of or prevent violence against women with "but what about us poor men??") but has been widely discredited for reasons pointed out by previous posters. There are more DV service for women because the overwhelming majority of victims of DV are women.

Of course there should be more support for all victims of violence and abuse. But the funding available to DV services is very limited and while 2 women a week are killed by heir current or former partner in England and Wales I think it's perfectly acceptable for female victims of DV to take priority when it comes to allocation of funds.

Interesting first post by the way

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

This is my main problem with Men's Rights Activists...they bitch and whine (ime) about "what about the male victims" but never do anything to help those male victims.

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

This is my main problem with Men's Rights Activists...they bitch and whine (ime) about "what about the male victims" but never do anything to help those male victims.

Yup.

[BigChocFrenzy]

When men are murdered or seriously injured by a partner, it is usually by a male partner.
Even though the number of male gay partnerships is far lower than those of men with women

Similarly when men or boys are victims of beatings, or sexual assault, by strangers, the perpetrators are overwhelmingly male.
Consider the anxiety some parents feel about letting an age 8+ DS go into the mens' loos & changing rooms, rather than into the womens'.

However, if there is a need for mens' shelters, it should not be the responsibility just of women to campaign for them.
Why don't the MRA campaign for mens' shelters instead of just whining that women have shelters ?

[BigChocFrenzy]

Crosspost about MRA

[Welshmaenad]

Another former DV worker here. The organisation I used to work for (in a victim support capacity) also supported make victims, as well as running perpetrator programmes.

I'm sure that depending on what you class as 'domestic violence', there's a way of concluding that 40% of victims are men. I'm not minimising the impact of female on make violence, or make in make in a same sex relationship, but my personal experience is that in terms of violence that necessitates or inspires a referral for support services:

1. the gender split is far more overwhelmingly female victims to male
   
   and
   
   
2. the nature, severity and impact of abuse suffered by female vs male victims is very different indeed.
   
   Yes, there should be uniform availability of support for male victims in all areas of the U.K. - I don't dispute that at all. What should not happen, however, is the dilution or annexing of services for female victims, already slashed to the bone, to facilitate that.

[RebelRogue]

Guess OP is too busy setting up a male victim shelter in her/his city.

[steppedonlego]

bigchocfrenzy you said exactly what I came here to say. People try to use the "women are just as capable of perpetrating DV" line, when in actual reality, the majority of people attacking their partners are male, whether their partner is male or female.

Of course there should be safe places for men, and I look forward to seeing what the MRAs do about it.

[NameChange30]

I think this is a bridge dweller and everyone has fallen for it hook line and sinker

I have reported the thread, btw, and I know troll-hunting is against the rules, so this post might get deleted, but fuck it.

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

Why don't the MRA campaign for mens' shelters instead of just whining that women have shelters ?

I've actually asked some of them this before and the answer was because the evil feminazis call them misogynists whenever they attempt to help abused men.

Apparently being called a misogynist means you are forced to abandon your attempt to help people.

Personally I think it's yet another excuse to try and make it all women's fault again.

[BertrandRussell]

To be fair, I have been touched by the sudden concern for women in Middle eastern countries from right wing men over the last few days. Maybe there's hope?

[IHaveArrivedAtABadTime]

I'm not new. I'm a recent name changer.

I posted this as I was looking to learn more and reading through these replies has opened my eyes a bit.

It sounds silly but I never stopped to consider the reason why there are more women's shelters than men's shelters.

Thanks for the links.

[formerbabe]

Op...Are you a man or a woman?

[IHaveArrivedAtABadTime]

So where has the 40% figure come from if it is false?

This report from the chatity Parity suggests that 40% of abuse is female on male www.theguardian.com/society/2010/sep/05/men-victims-domestic-violence

[IHaveArrivedAtABadTime]

I'm a woman.

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

Parity is an MRA group OP.

[formerbabe]

I'm very uncomfortable with women who feel they need to draw attention to such things. I view them the same as women who are quick to confirm they are not feminists.

[MrsDustyBusty]

Why didn't you stop to think about it? I'm interested, it's not a dig but I notice that there's so much focus on raising awareness of men's perspectives on these issues that women are getting lost despite being the vast majority of victims.

A more conspiracy theorist woman would say there's an ongoing effort to normalise and minimise the volume and severity of male violence.

[worridmum]

You do know men still actully get laughed at in police stations and you do know a abusive women would cliam domestic abuse if the man defended himself and guess who goes to the police station......

There is a culture of where a male cannot be seen as a victim like the user prevously said most male "victims" are propetators as well which is stuidly offesive and boarder line victim blaming and shame on you.

It is much much easier for a women to report DV then males as if a male goes to his friend / family they still often get laughed at by family and friends and told to man up as THERE IS STIGMA for a man getting beaten up by a woman and sadly i personally know of someone who was killed by his female partner even after reporting her to the police numerous times with him being taken to jail as she jsut said he slapped her first.

Thankfully she is in prison where she belongs and sadly his case caused a massive review into the cultural of the police force.

While women are still the main victims we should not minimize the male victims as well, they are both still victims and gender should not come into it.

[venusinscorpio]

Many many posters have given reasons why the 40% domestic abuse male victims figure is misleading, OP.

[worridmum]

As sadly in it required his death to trigger a review I mean not that there was a review

[RustyBear]

Even if the figures in that ONS report were accurate, they don't show that 40% of victims are men - the first 3 in the 'Main Points' section are all around 31-32% male

You need to find the total number of victims and work out what percentage of that number is male

E.g. The 'any type of domestic abuse' gives 1.3m female & 600,000 male victims i.e. a total of 1.9m
600,000 is just under 31.6% of 1.9m, so 31.6% of total victims are male.

[venusinscorpio]

It's terrible what happened to the man you knew and all victims deserve sympathy and support, but it doesn't change the fact that domestic violence is a gendered issue, so yes, gender has to come into it.

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

There is a culture of where a male cannot be seen as a victim like the user prevously said most male "victims" are propetators as well which is stuidly offesive and boarder line victim blaming and shame on you.

Um worrid that poster used to work in domestic violence. She is speaking from her own personal experience when she says that most male "victims" have also been perpetrators.