To wonder why domestic violence is seen as a womans issue and abused men are often ignored

[IHaveArrivedAtABadTime]

Not trying to start an argument, am just curious that's all.

40% of domestic violence victims are men yet male victims seemed to be ignored a lot of the time.

Women have shelters and refuges but there seems to be little in place to help abused men. I've just googled help for male dv victims in my city and there's nothing

AIBU to think there should be more help for male victims and we should be working on removing the stigma attached to being a male victim?

[Bibblewanda]

Unfortunately not virgin because of the way it's recorded by the police

[MrsDustyBusty]

There is a big historical factor as to why women needed to set up shelters for women and men didn't need to do that. Financial abuse. Women often couldn't leave because they couldn't fund somewhere to go. As main earners, this problem didn't exist for men.

It's shocking how little thought people put into stuff.

[JassyRadlett]

Link to the stats, please?

The ONS series I'm reading says:

The CSEW estimates that 8.2% of women and 4.0% of men reported experiencing any type of domestic abuse in the last year (that is, partner / ex-partner abuse (non-sexual), family abuse (non-sexual) and sexual assault or stalking carried out by a current or former partner or other family member). This is equivalent to an estimated 1.3 million female victims and 600,000 male victims.

There were 6.5% of women and 2.8% of men who reported having experienced any type of partner abuse in the last year, equivalent to an estimated 1.1 million female victims and 500,000 male victims.

And when you read the homicide series it becomes particularly sobering:

Over three-quarters (77%) of female domestic homicide victims were killed by a partner/ex-partner, with the remaining 23% killed by a family member. For male homicides, there was a much more even split, with around a half (51%) of victims killed by a partner/ex-partner and the other half (49%) killed by a family member.

The majority (97%) of the female domestic homicide victims were killed by a male suspect, whereas among men, only around a third of domestic homicide victims were killed by a female suspect. Among non-domestic adult homicides, 94% of male and 89% of female victims aged 16 or over were killed by a male suspect.

In particular, women were far more likely than men to be killed by partners/ex-partners (44% of female victims compared with 6% of male victims),

[HelenaGWells]

There should be support for men as well but consider the following:
I suspect those figures are wonky. Every set I've seen has been consistently around 80%+ are women.
Due to physical size and strength differences between sexes men can do a LOT more damage to women.
The number of women killed by their partners is a horrifying statistic. I've not seen an equivalent statistic for men killled as i suspect it is a rarity since most were men could not overpower a man to that extent.
Women have campaigned and fought for decades to get shelters in place.
Women's refuges are all mostly funded by charitable donations.

There has to be a need and there has to be ongoing support. Women's aid only exists because some amazing men and women support them in various ways. Refuges aren't some government service that they are denying men. The vast majority of their funds come from donations.

[Boolovessulley]

It doesn't say 40% of domestic anise victims are male.
It says that 4% of the sample group reported being victims.
Whilst the number of women was higher.
It also stops at the age of 59 for some reason.
I too would like to know how many men are killed by their partner or ex partner.
From personal experience, I don't know of any man killed by his partner or ex partner, yet I know of several women killed.
Off the top of my head thus includes my friends mum( her husband went to jail for murder).
My mums neighbour. Her husband killed her when the children were in the house.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

I feel sorry for any man who is a victim of DV, just as I'd feel sorry for any female victim. However: the victims are predominantly female and so should receive the majority of the resources available.

[WallisFrizz]

I work in domestic abuse and I'm sorry but I just don't believe that 40% figure. Men can obviously be victims of DA too but there is no way it is even close to that figure.

That guardian article makes sense of why.

However, I am not against an increase in support for male victims.

[manicinsomniac]

40%?!?!

I opened this thread ready to say 'because only a tiny proportion of DV victims are men, YABVVVVVU'.

But if it's really 40% then no, YANBU.

Either the stats are off or people believing the stats are much lower results in the issue not getting attention (which possibly drives the stats up, who knows).

I don't think it's malicious or intentional, I think people genuinely believe that the vast vast majority of victims are women.

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

equivalent to an estimated 1.1 million female victims and 500,000 male victims.

So what percentage of male victims is that?

I'm really bad at this sort of stuff ....

[Akire]

I would be very suprised if it
Was 40% but it's certainly something that's always talked about. Every radio show I've heard on the subject ends up about 80% let's talk about men because it's "never talked about". Given nature of abuse and isolation it's is mainly woman who are left with kids and no
Independent income aomora much harder to leave with nothing than a man with a job in same position.

[manicinsomniac]

Oh - unless it includes emotional and financial abuse. That would make more sense. I just don't see how the figures for physical abuse can be high for male victims.

[Bibblewanda]

I think people genuinely believe that the vast vast majority of victims are women.

That's because they are.

[TizzyDongue]

I'd hardly say I thought was ignore. Look at any one line advert or campaign against violence and the comments are overwhelming about men and how they are victims too, even if the picture used is a man being abused.

[Redrocketship]

just going to leave this here

[venusinscorpio]

40% figure is bollocks and as far as I am aware it is because in the Crime Survey, which is self reported is one of the main sources of these figures they don't only count physical violence (i.e. they count emotional abuse) but they don't count sexual violence which is very common in abusive relationships. Also they don't differentiate between one off conflict violence and coercive control where a partner is terrorised over time.

The kind of women who most need refuges are in fear of their lives, as their partner has threatened to kill them. They have been broken down by controlling partners and have nowhere to go and it's taken them a long time to work up to being able to leave. They often have no money as the partner has controlled everything. They are often fleeing with their children.

There are male victims, and no one should suffer abuse, but it's a gendered issue.

[Kr1stina]

Yes of course there should be more suport for male victims of violence . You should go and post on boards for men to rally some Support .

[NameChange30]

Interesting first post

[liz70]

A woman trapped in a room with an abusive man has little chance of stopping him beating her to a pulp if it so took his fancy.

A man in the same situation would have little difficulty stopping a woman doing the same to him. My DH could easily pin both my arms to my side if he wanted to, as well as forcing me to the ground (he never has or would, obviously).

Reeaaaally can't get all that worked up by this one, sorry.

[dollydaydream114]

That 40% figure has been discredited many times, for all the reasons outlined in the Telegraph article posted by Oswin.

I do absolutely think that DV against men should be taken seriously. I hate it when people joke about it and I think there is a huge embarrassment factor for men who suffer it, which makes it harder for them to speak out. I don't think it should be trivialised. A friend of DP's is in an abusive relationship with a truly unhinged woman and we have long been encouraging him (without success) to leave her or seek help. The other male DV victim I know was in a relationship with another man, and thankfully was able to find the strength to leave after the third time his boyfriend beat him up.

The main reason there are fewer men's refuges is simply because men are far more likely to have the financial advantage and are far more likely to leave without their children. Female abusers, for whatever reason, are also far less likely to attempt to track down their victim and kill them. Far, far, far more women are killed by their male partners than vice versa. Far more women suffer DV repeatedly over a long period of time rather than leaving after the first incident.

I think it's a mistake to think that campaigning against violence against women somehow happens at the expense of campaigning against violence against men. It's not an either/or. By and large, campaigning on behalf of women helps men too. The more women speak out, the more men feel able to speak out too. And the more we make it clear that men don't have to be 'tough guys', the easier it becomes for men to talk about these sorts of issues.

[merrymouse]

I agree with Dusty.

Many women are financially dependent on their partners. The relationship doesn't even have to involve active abuse for a woman to need a refuge for herself and her children. The problem may be drugs, alcohol, gambling etc.

I would also guess that there are many situations (e.g. Abandoned by wider family) where a man would become homeless but a woman, with children, would have to go to a refuge.

For various reasons the lives of men and women are not the same.

[BiBi8]

How many women are killed by partners each month compared to men killed by women in a DV situation? I'm happy to be corrected but I think one is a lot higher than the other.

[venusinscorpio]

There are two instances just today of threads here where women are forced to ask for and justify tiny amounts of money to controlling partners. This is the reality of many women's lives. It is a form of abuse in and of itself.

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

In particular, women were far more likely than men to be killed by partners/ex-partners (44% of female victims compared with 6% of male victims)

I'm sure someone will tell me if I'm talking crap but isn't this the reason why women who are victims need shelters whereas male victims generally don't?

We know that women in abusive relationships are far more likely to be killed by their partner than male victims are. We know that women are more likely to be killed after they have left their partners; hence why the need for shelters for safety is more important for them.

It doesn't have anything to do with not giving a shit about male victims but everything to do with the perpetrator acting differently.

[LuluLovesFruitcakes]

Just coming to point out aswell that the dynamics of female perpetrated dv are quite different to that of male perpetrated.

For example, men report far less sexual abuse or post-separation abuse to that of female victims. Ergo there is a lack of male refuges because men don't tend to either need or use them. Whereas women often find themselves turned away from refuge due to a lack of space. Last time I did my research there were 6 male refuges in the UK, mainly due to lack of appropriate funding (of course!) and lack of use.

There are support services for men. Mensadviceline.org.uk as an example.

I work in dva support for women, as does my friend - she used to run One Stop Shops local to us and the amount of male perps that used to go there to "get advice" claiming to be the victim was staggering. (Any woman who has either been through dva or works in the field long enough develops a sort of radar I swear! )

This is my main problem with Men's Rights Activists...they bitch and whine (ime) about "what about the male victims" but never do anything to help those male victims.
I'm all for helping male victims of any sort of abuse, but to do that people first have to recognise the differences between male and female perpetrated abuse. Because they are not the same.

[venusinscorpio]

You're not talking crap.