To wonder why domestic violence is seen as a womans issue and abused men are often ignored

[IHaveArrivedAtABadTime]

Not trying to start an argument, am just curious that's all.

40% of domestic violence victims are men yet male victims seemed to be ignored a lot of the time.

Women have shelters and refuges but there seems to be little in place to help abused men. I've just googled help for male dv victims in my city and there's nothing

AIBU to think there should be more help for male victims and we should be working on removing the stigma attached to being a male victim?

[Bibblewanda]

I'm in London and my experience of the met in several different boroughs has been overwhelmingly negative. It's depressing.

[BackforGood]

I too believe the original 40% figure quoted by the OP to be completely skewed, however surely if there were only one man who was the victim of DV, he should be able to find support, just the same as a woman can.

[Manumission]

40% of domestic violence victims are men yet male victims seemed to be ignored a lot of the time.

I'd not believe that figure for one second.

DV is a crime (and a pathology) of power, intimidation and control. Male people are more likely to have (financial, physical) power and control in a relationship with a woman (a majority of relationships are heterosexual so the stats reflect that).

I'm sure a proportion of ALL people who can exert power abusively, do so. But that means more M than F.

It is very easy for a violent man to say "she hit me too" and then often it gets recorded as a two way violent incident.

Of course there are male victims. Nobody is ignoring them.

[Bibblewanda]

surely if there were only one man who was the victim of DV, he should be able to find support, just the same as a woman can.

Yes he should. Women fought for years and are still fighting to open refuges and keep them open.

If men want the same they can do the same.

[BastardBloodAndSand]

I disagree Bibble

The guy I know going through this has had 20 years of abuse and I only found out 2 years ago. To look at him no one would even think this would be possible, I don't think his.situation is unique at all.

Men are treated very differently in crimes like this, there was an incident recently where a man was sexually assaulted by 3 women including having a pair of scissors inserted into.his rectum. Some of the comments on the article were absolutely appealing, it was very much point and laugh at the idiot who.had his drink spiked and was 'lucky' enough to.have 3 women take advantage of him. Again the guy hadn't reported the incident, one of the women had been arrested for something else and police found the footage on her mobile phone they then had to locate him. He still refused to give evidence.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.thesun.co.uk/news/2394196/girl-gang-sexual-assault-drunk-footballer-vegetables-court/amp/?client=ms-android-samsung

[BertrandRussell]

That is utterly horrible, bastard. And I'm glad that they were found out.

Out of interest, how many men are killed every week by their female partners?

[Bibblewanda]

I said there were genuine male victims. You have shown me two of them.

I could show you hundreds of thousands of female victims.

The myth that women are somehow believed and men not is again a fantasy. As has been stated upthread female victims are consistently not taken seriously.

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

The guy I know going through this has had 20 years of abuse and I only found out 2 years ago. To look at him no one would even think this would be possible, I don't think his.situation is unique at all.

But that is not a situation that is unique to men .

I'm sure there are plenty of women in abusive relationships who you would never guess to be the case. I was in an abusive relationship until two years ago and 99% of people who know me have no idea that I was a victim of domestic abuse.

Some of the comments on the article were absolutely appealing, it was very much point and laugh at the idiot who.had his drink spiked and was 'lucky' enough to.have 3 women take advantage of him

But is this sort of attitude coming predominately from women or is it coming from men?

When a woman has sex with an underage boy and people defend her and call the boy 'lucky' does that attitude come from women? Or does it predominately come from men?

[Ledkr]

My ex fractured my skull, perforated my eardrum and beat me unconscious numerous times.
All with his bare hands.
I doubt many women could inflict that on a man.
It's more serious cos women generally tend to be weaker and thus more vulverable.
2 women a week are killed by men.
The 40% thing covers a very broad spectrum.

[LuluLovesFruitcakes]

Ledkr

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

Ledkr

[user1484317265]

40% of domestic violence victims are men

That simply isn't true. FFS, why do people have to pull this "what about the menz" shit all the time?

[venusinscorpio]

Virgin

From a pp it now looks like they are recording sexual abuse as domestic violence, which is overwhelmingly male in female. In the past they excluded sexual violence which is a component of many coercive control relationships with a man controlling their female partner.

[venusinscorpio]

*Male on female

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

predominantly

[UnbornMortificado]

I've had this argument today.

With a teacher.

Male staff are just as likely to get attacked on the job as female staff apparently.

It's a home care job where we have no right to be told if we are dealing with dangerous clients, sex offenders, rapists or even men (and statistically it will be men) who have killed.

Yup the one 6 foot odd stocky built bloke is just as likely to be overpowered then 5 foot nothing, pregnant me.

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

Ahh well that explains it venus.

Anyone know if they still include "nagging" () as domestic abuse? I know they did a few years ago which no doubt skews the stats.

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

Yup the one 6 foot odd stocky built bloke is just as likely to be overpowered then 5 foot nothing, pregnant me.

[formerbabe]

The thing that annoys me is that so often those who bleat on about the menz aren't really concerned about male victims, they are really just enjoying minimising female experiences.

[liz70]

That's client on staff workplace violence, though, not DV. It's a totally different scenario.

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

The thing that annoys me is that so often those who bleat on about the menz aren't really concerned about male victims, they are really just enjoying minimising female experiences.

YY to this.

There's a woman's shelter in a city not far from me that is at risk of closure and of course the facebook comments are all full of "but what about the menz !" posts. There's even been a few "well if men don't have any shelters then women shouldn't too" type comments

[UnbornMortificado]

It's just another example of violence against females being minimised.

And I'm just really pissed off about it and want a rant.

I've been an abuse victim, I physically couldn't inflict what happened to me on an average size male.

The "it happens to men too" thing really pissed me off.

[Feckitall]

I've read posts on here where an abused woman has finally retaliated and the abusive man has threatened to report her.

And there will be some cases where the man is abused, and taunted and when he retaliates he is immediately viewed as the abuser and because of the usual dynamic means he will lose, home and children..and have to fight to see his kids while the 'victim' plays mind games and manipulates..looks at sons ex

[Ginorchoc]

Putting statistics aside which will never be accurate and more reflective, anyone one who suffers from domestics violence needs support, men are just as unlikely to report their female or male partners for abuse.

Less men die, or that's ok then.. no men or women should die, how many men are lying?!? Really! They should campaign themselves, all very sad reading it's like going back to where woman started and the obstacles they faced in the 50's. Not believed, not considered important, they should be able to defend themselves, seriously, the nature of domestic violence is usually about control, regardless of physical stature.

Men in my experience often shut down, don't like to report because they believed no one would believe them, or thought they'd be mocked for not defending themselves, many knew in most Court cases the children stayed with the mother so stayed to try and keep the family together. See a pattern here, inline with some of the comments here.. all comments from cases I dealt with, one man threw himself under a bus and another out of a window. One survived. Male suicides are common in domestic violence because they feel less of a man. And often the two are not connected.

Statistics forget the stories and real life situations and trivialise those who don't fit it.

[BigChocFrenzy]

Men<a class="break-all" href="https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/220090/criminal-justice-stats-sept-2012.pdf%20Gov%20MOJ%20Stats%20Table%20Q4.2%5D%5D%20,%20%5B%5Bwww.thetimes.co.uk/tto/opinion/columnists/janiceturner/article3768313.ece%20The%20Times%5D" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">^ commit the vast majority of serious crime:^

• 85% of all indictable crimes in England & Wales
  
• 88% of crimes against the person
  
• 98% of sexual offences
  Women only outdo men when it comes to TV licence convictions.
  
  Refs Gov MOJ Stats Table Q4.2<a class="break-all" href="https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/220090/criminal-justice-stats-sept-2012.pdf%20Gov%20MOJ%20Stats%20Table%20Q4.2%5D%5D%20,%20%5B%5Bwww.thetimes.co.uk/tto/opinion/columnists/janiceturner/article3768313.ece%20The%20Times%5D" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank"> , The Times
  
  Ever wrestled with a man, friendly or otherwise ?
  Who's usually much stronger ?
  Men have much higher muscle mass even than women of the same height, weight and age. Even at the gym.
  Also, women are usually socialised not to fight in childhood, so they have little experience how to.
  
  Yes this all about averages, but very few women are Olympic champion weightlifters or boxers.
  
  How many women are wary of walking outside alone, when there are few people about, especially in the dark ?
  Are you wary of being attacked by a woman. Or by a man ?
  
  Men can be nervous in isolated places too.
  Are they afraid of being attacked by a woman ? Or by another man ?