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AIBU to have a 3rd baby against DH's wishes

(1000 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Babysuprise Mon 09-Jan-17 17:02:51

DH and I have two lovely children - while I have always wanted more, DH only really wanted one so two was a compromise.

We have had quite heated discussions about having a third and he has always been clear he doesn't want another one.

However, I have just found out I am pregnant. I'm pretty pleased about it as I had resigned myself to just having two, but I know DH will be devastated. I haven't told him yet. AIBU to have this baby anyway?

Chattymummyhere Mon 09-Jan-17 17:05:26

Since you are already pregnant then it's up to you. The worst case he leaves you. You should never feel pressured into a termanation.

DontWannaBeObamasElf Mon 09-Jan-17 17:05:55

If he was so adamant about not wanting a third was a method of contraception used? Why did he not get a vasectomy if a third pregnancy would leave him "devastated"?

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest Mon 09-Jan-17 17:06:14

I would say YABU but as you're already pregnant it's your choice - be warned that this may be a deal breaker for him though.

I'm presuming that this was a contraceptive failure on both your parts btw.

PurpleDaisies Mon 09-Jan-17 17:06:19

What were you doing for contraception?

RacoonBandit Mon 09-Jan-17 17:06:55

Nobody can force you to have a termination. It is your choice.

Can I ask how you got pregnant.....as in we're either/both of you using contraception not the act itself blush

Strongmummy Mon 09-Jan-17 17:07:01

He'll just have to get over it won't he? He should get the snip/you should start using more effective contraception

MyKingdomForBrie Mon 09-Jan-17 17:07:05

YANBU to have it as it seems this was an accidental pregnancy therefore a risk you both took together. YWBU if you'd done it on purpose some how!

specialsubject Mon 09-Jan-17 17:07:06

you get to choose abortion or not, and it does take two to tango. Did he think that contraception was being used?

every child a wanted child, but the end decision is for the mother.

DontWannaBeObamasElf Mon 09-Jan-17 17:07:06

And no I wouldn't say you'd be unreasonable to have the baby, it's your body after all, don't feel pressured into making any decisions you're not remotely comfortable with.

TheNaze73 Mon 09-Jan-17 17:07:32

The worst case scenario will be him walking.

He could've been proactive with the protection if it was a deal clincher for him

BestZebbie Mon 09-Jan-17 17:07:50

Already being pregnant arguably makes your situation more complex - how did this happen if your DH "has always been clear he doesn't want another one"? This is relevant because I think you would be much more reasonable to continue regardless of other considerations if he has been knowingly having unprotected sex with you.

harderandharder2breathe Mon 09-Jan-17 17:08:53

If you were using contraception (properly) then this is just "bad" luck and you should both decide what to do. Obviously you get the final say but I really think it should be a joint decision if you value your relationship

FlyingElbows Mon 09-Jan-17 17:09:10

If you weren't already pregnant my answer would be you were being unreasonable.

As you are my answer is that it is now entirely your choice.

If he was adamant that he didn't want to father any more children he should have had a vasectomy or taken responsibility for his contraception choice.

FetchezLaVache Mon 09-Jan-17 17:09:23

Well, unless he's had a vasectomy which failed, the fact that you're already pregnant suggests that he wasn't THAT clear he didn't want another one...

pinkdelight Mon 09-Jan-17 17:09:44

"He'll just have to get over it won't he? He should get the snip/you should start using more effective contraception"

This. If he was that against it he could have made it impossible (apart from those handful of snip failures which I'm assuming this isn't).

HecateAntaia Mon 09-Jan-17 17:09:57

It's your body and your choice.

You will have to deal with his reaction and the possibility he will leave. Or resent the child. Or be convinced this is an 'on purpose' accident and not forgive you. Or any number of other things but nobody except you decides what happens with your body.
A man adamant he never wants any more children should have a vasectomy.

LivingOnTheDancefloor Mon 09-Jan-17 17:10:54

What were you using for contraception?

JacquesHammer Mon 09-Jan-17 17:10:56

I would be questioning whether this was a genuine contreceptive failure and as such there's some reasonable discussion needed or whether there was any misleading in terms of contraception.

Either way you should never be pressured into a termination but be prepared for this to be a deal breaker.

LouisevilleLlama Mon 09-Jan-17 17:11:26

OP now you're pregnant it's solely down to you, he doesn't get a choice most he could do is leave you,

DJBaggySmalls Mon 09-Jan-17 17:11:45

As you are already pregnant, then no. He should have had a vasectomy.

Shallishanti Mon 09-Jan-17 17:12:07

YWBU to have the baby and expect him to be it's father- he's been very clear he doesn't want a third child. He may change his mind but you would have to be happy to risk that he may not, including the consequences of that for your other two dcs. You WERE using contraception weren't you?

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Mon 09-Jan-17 17:12:35

Was this pregnancy "accidentally on purpose" ?

Batteriesallgone Mon 09-Jan-17 17:12:43

Why didn't he get a vasectomy? Seems the obvious answer for him.

RacoonBandit Mon 09-Jan-17 17:13:08

I know that contraception is the responsibility of all adults but if this was not an accident would it still be the DHs fault for not protecting himself?

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