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I don't want to lie to my kid about Santa(464 Posts)
I don't feel comfortable lying to my future kids about Santa, but I don't want them to ruin it for everyone else either. Has anyone managed to bring their child up not believing in Santa, without them ruining it for believers, or am I going to have to lie to them for the sake of others?
Bloody hell it's not lying. Seen a few people say this and it's very odd. It's just a bit of fun.
We celebrate St Nikolaus in our family - my fiancé is German so it's a strong tradition for him. He absolutely won't tolerate Father Christmas at all. Our little boy is only 18 months, but going forward we will use that explanation - Santa Claus is just Saint Nikolaus but celebrated on 24th rather than 6th December. And Father Christmas is made up, based on Saint Nikolaus. But we don't ruin the surprise for everyone else.....
Millions of adults grow up and realise that Santa is not real without it damaging their psyche, causing them to be muddled about right and wrong or compulsive liars.
Make sure that if you take them to Disneyland you carefully explain to them that it is not Pooh Bear but a bloke in a costume.
I remember seeing a meme online a few months ago saying "whenever your parents tell you lying is wrong say Santa, tooth fairy and Easter bunny". And while it's right in a way- I don't look at it as a lie. It's about making childhood more magical.
And unless you plan on homeschooling your Dc and wrapping them in cotton wool- I can't see a 5 year old keeping it a secret when the class gets a visit from Santa, do you?
Everyone does santa different. We, for example, tell the kids that santa does buy any presents. We buy them and send them to him to deliver. My kids know that we pay for them.
My dd is 12 and doesn't believe. She gets involved in the santa but for ds. She isn't damaged or believe we lied to her.
She just thinks it's a Christmas tradition. Do what you want but also make sure you could knows that everyone believes something different.
I think you are worrying about this prematurely. Your kids, I think, don't exist yet.
Don't then. Tell them you don't think there is a Santa but that some people do think that there is a Santa. Like god.
Then I would tell them not to go on about it as it's not good manners. It's rude to tell people that believe in god that you think it's a load of twaddle too.
The other children your future child meets will think your child doesn't get presents from santa as they don't believe in santa.
I think it's lying as well op,so we aren't doing it.
Good lord, what is happening the world. I feel sorry for these poor children who miss out on what is frankly a really special magical thing just because Mummy couldn't possibly lie to her precious darling. For fuck sake
I've done this, as dd1 was terrified by the thought of Santa coming in to her room so we just told her he wasn't real, but that some children and families believe in him. It's been fine, she got muddled once at nursery because the teachers insisted he was real, so she came home and checked with us. I don't know if she's told other kids, I've explained that she shouldn't but of course I can't guarantee it.
Christmas is still magical and exciting here, the Santa belief isn't the only way to make that happen. We don't elf on a shelf or anything like that either - just tree and advent calendars and presents and a nice meal.
Santa Claus is based on Saint Nikolaus, who was a real person (4th or 5th century Bishop) so technically it's not lying......!
Yes it isn't lying. It's a lovely magical fantasy that small children get totally caught up in. Why would you deny your kids that?
Even if it was lying; so what? When we tell our DC that their splodge of paint is wonderful we are lying, or tell them half-truths to make unpleasant actions of useless parents palatable, we are also lying. Honesty is over-rated.
Enjoy making Xmas special for them.
The thing is, there are lots of things you will lie to your children about. There just are, and considering these aren't even children you've had yet I think you should maybe wait until the time comes before you decide. Children's minds aren't ready for the world in the same way that adults' are, and they would lead a rather joyless and anxious existence without a little bit of sensoring and fiction from their parents.
And ^ what Sweetwater said. That's exactly how we talk about it.
Also, make believe games, imaginary friends, telling their own (rubbish lies) - embracing fiction and a certain amount of untruth is actually a normal and important part of child development from a creativity perspective.
Your kids will ruin it for everyone else. I just can't imagine why someone would want to take Santa away from a small child.
You will also lie to your children, or at least everyone I know does. It might be for selfish reasons- "no ds, the batteries for that (extremely annoying)toy need to be sent from Madagascar....on a slow boat"! It is also important that children learn to be polite (or at least it is to me)and sometimes it's hard to be polite and tell the whole truth, I'm thinking about saying thank you and being appreciative of gifts you don't really like etc. Children are absolutely not damaged by their parents lying to them about Santa.
I agree. It's lying. Christmas is a magical time without the consumerist Santa story. Don't know the answer to your question though.
Read Nutureshock to see the effect that parents lying about Santa and other "white lies" have on children's honesty. It does have an impact.
Well, to be honest I think comments like the ones above are part of the problem. Santa isn't some sort of pre requisite to having a magical childhood (and to be honest the term 'magical' in this context is a bit nauseating.)
It genuinely came as a shock to me when I came on here and posters were saying things like "my eleven year old still believes, should I tell him before he starts secondary?" I think it's because for many children, and bearing it on mind nowadays there IS more of an emphasis about being open and honest with your child than even ten, fifteen years ago when some of us were young children, the idea of keeping a pretence going for such a long time isn't conceivable, your parents say it is real, so it is real.
And a lot of parents go to a huge effort to maintain the pretence - things like buying and eating a mince pie and going online to make it real, in my day (lol) you got taken to see a man dressed as Santa at the garden centre and wrote a letter and that was it.
Didn't bother me when I found out, but I'm still not going to do it with my own children.
I think the world is depressing enough. Kids should at least be able to enjoy some magic in their childhood.
Sorry there were cross posts, so didn't mean your post when I said post above Moppet!
Will you read them fiction books out of interest? As they're made up too.
I always knew santa was made up, and being a Scrooge will fully encourage my child to ruin it for the rest of them if he wants to, when he's older. I'm In favour of teaching kids to think critically and stick it to the man.
But you're not claiming fiction books are real...
My grandmother who was born in the reign of queen Victoria was absolutely insistent that this modern fad for lying to children was wrong. I had a magical childhood without my family lying to me, and so did my children. By the way, my dc did learn about FC from others, but I never repeated nor commented on this other than when. necessary and followed the advice up thread.
Yes I found it 'magical ' to feel like I knew more and was less gullible than the other kids (yes I was a bit of an arsehold when I was young!)