I don't want to lie to my kid about Santa

[timeforachangeofname]

I don't feel comfortable lying to my future kids about Santa, but I don't want them to ruin it for everyone else either. Has anyone managed to bring their child up not believing in Santa, without them ruining it for believers, or am I going to have to lie to them for the sake of others?

Tell them you don't think there is a Santa but that some people do think that there is a Santa. Like god.

That's not true though-nobody believes Santa is real. At least religious parents actually think the god they're teaching their children about actually exists.

I don't understand the contortions that some parents go through to keep their children believing in something that they freely acknowledge is made up.

Op it's your choice. Your child will still have wonderful Christmases regardless of your position on Father Christmas.

We decided not to push the whole Santa thing. Pre-school and then reception put pay to that, and we now have a fully believing 6 year old. I neither confirm nor deny Santa'a existence.

I can say with confidence though that he would never ruin it for other children. He knows people have different beliefs, and that it's unkind to go against that.

I also think it's wrong to say you can't have a 'magical' Christmas without Santa.

Santa's the least of your problem. By the time you have a kid old enough to understand xmas every child in the land will have an elf on the shelf as well.

I find it sadder some people think there is only joy forms little while in childhood!

Childhood isn't a great time really. Adulthood is better.

It's not compulsory. But as PPs have said, you will lie to your children many times. People lie all the time, they don't even register it as lying half the time.

Future kids? So they don't actually even exist yet?

I don't see it as my parents lied to me at all. They gave me a few years of truly believing in Santa...it was a good thing and my best memory!

You will have discovered that some people think not doing FC means you have ruined childhood. And some people kind of think the opposite. We didn't say he was real, but didn't say he wasn't. Children pick up the story from nursery, grandparents, CBeebies etc. I was devastated when I found out my parents had 'lied' to me, I now don't see it as a lie but it certainly felt like that when I was 7, and I wondered what else they had lied about. I therefore couldn't do that to my children - but also didn't see the need to sit down and explain it was made up.

It is a lie. A fun lie, a sparkly lie, but a lie all the same. There is no fat man dressed in red who comes to visit the house on a flying sleigh. It. Is. A. Lie.

And my children have a lovely, happy, creative childhood, thanks very much. They understand Santa is based on St Nikolas, that it's a very nice story, and that other families have a different way of telling that story. As far as I know, they have been sensible enough to keep the truth to themselves.

I do think it's ridiculous to expect everyone to agree on this topic, or to expect other families to lie in order for their children to keep up the pretence into secondary school (??!).

Neither do I really former. But my parents didn't make a big thing out of it. And they didn't really ever tell me he didn't exist, my brother told me and I just twigged then I think.

My now 13 year old was devastated when he found out that there was no Santa (he was about 8 at the time). He accused us of lying even though we constantly tell him that lying is wrong. He wouldn't have the 'it's not lying, just a bit of magical make believe' stuff.
But in all fairness my 13 year old does have a few asd traits so it is very difficult for him to see it as anything but lying as his thinking is too lateral.
I now have a one year old and I am torn over the Santa idea and don't know whether to just give it a miss this time.

Thanks for the responses! Im not saying it would damage a child to lie about Father Christmas, I just don't feel comfortable lying to anyone never mind my own children (and no they don't exist yet but hopefully will very soon).

It's actually the elf on a shelf thing that got me thinking about it, someone I know keeps posting on Facebook about it and it just seems like a way to blackmail a child into behaving. I get that it's nice to believe and things, but Christmas can be magical in reality too, without all the lies.

I would never tell my child that a fiction book was real, does anyone? I don't see the relevance of that.

And no I wouldn't tell a child that the batteries of an annoying toy had been shipped off abroad for repair or whatever, I'd just be honest with them.

I think you're being a bit precious. There was a girl at ds's school whose mother said she was told the truth. She was one of the most nervous and miserable kids I've ever come across. No TV, no sweets, no cake. Her mother tried to get the school to ban cake at birthday time because her precious little snowflake would get poisoned. Every little thing in life was a big deal, she was once told off by a teacher and she sobbed uncontrollably, her mother complained to the school that she'd been traumatised. She ministered and preached to other children all the fucking time so she ended up with no friends. Every time she opened her mouth, her mother poured out. The poor child needed a bit of fun and magic in her mother's dull and dangerous little universe. I'd pay good money to know how teenage hood is going for that mother

You don't have to lie about Santa any more than you have to 'lie' about fairies. As Moonlight says, just don't confirm or deny. It's just a game. 'Non-believers' shouldn't be a problem to 'believers'. All they need is the standard "how do you know?" response.

I get a horrible feeling that some parents want their children to know that THEY paid for the presents (as above) to put some sort of burden of thanks on their children. A bit of a shitty reason to spoil something so magical and fleeting.

Yeah but Jab that's one parent and a weird attitude that Santa might be part of but the entirety isn't relevant.

That's like saying 'I know someone who did this, and she had really bad BO,' implying that if you do the same a smelly child is inevitable.

8 is the right age to stop believe in Santa, I think. All my 3DC were that age, when they started questioning his existence. No shock, just had that conversation with DS2, who is 8, and he was pleased it is his parents who give him the presents. Asked him, if the other kids in his class believe in Santa, and he said "Lot's of people don't believe in Santa".

Why are people taking issue with the word 'magical?' It is magical for many small children.
Whence - that's an interesting point. I wonder if it had been explained differently once you'd found out, you wouldn't have felt so upset.?

The girl you're mentioning above is sad but has no relevance at all though surely? Who said anything about sweets?

And with the blackmailing into behaving bit - good luck with that! We are all perfect parents until we actually have children!!!! Come back when you've had a couple of years in the trenches and see how your 'principles' have changed! LOL!!!

Burden of thanks?? As if being grateful to a gift giver is a burden? How bizarre.

It is for a young child! Do they have to be thankful you pay the mortgage too? Or put food on the table?!

I've never said he's properly, flesh-and-blood real either.

It's just a bit of fun here.

No one has yet died from childhood muggleism.

My issue with the word 'magical' is that more often than not, what parents think their children will see as magical is often accepted as being quite humdrum and run of the mill. It's only retrospectively that it's seen as magical.

In other words, and I think quite a few posts on here confirm this, Santa is something done for the parents, not the children.

I teach my children to say thank you and show gratitude for all of our comforts, yes. Not out of debt or some twisted sense of lording it over them as you seem to be implying. Whatever. Not interested in arguing over this.