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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I don't want to lie to my kid about Santa

497 replies

timeforachangeofname · 12/12/2016 06:50

I don't feel comfortable lying to my future kids about Santa, but I don't want them to ruin it for everyone else either. Has anyone managed to bring their child up not believing in Santa, without them ruining it for believers, or am I going to have to lie to them for the sake of others?

OP posts:

AnotherStitchInTime · 12/12/2016 09:56

I tell my children it is a story, the still like the magic of a story, much like they would a film or book. I knew aged 5 Father Christmas wasn't real, it didn't stop me enjoying the magic of Christmas. Family, good food, pretty lights everywhere, singing, goodwill to others, it is a special time with or without Father Christmas as a real entity.

allowlsthinkalot · 12/12/2016 10:01

My children know father Christmas is a story or a game. There's still plenty of magic and imagination, thank you.

I don't lie to them about other things either.

WorraLiberty · 12/12/2016 10:04

Aww it wouldn't be Christmas without this ridiculous bun fight thread that someone starts every single year!

It's made me feel all warm and festive

Jabuticaba · 12/12/2016 10:05

actually aquabluepool I do think these issues are often related. People who have anxiety issues about one thing often have them about others.

If people don't do FC because their children might not cope due to ASD or other conditions, then that's one thing. But people who call it lying are calling people who do it liars. Which suggests they consider themselves to be superior parents. Ironically though the people who consider themselves to be the most superior and perfect parents are usually those without children.

Those who continue with the self proclaimed superiority once they have children are often very like the parent I described and they shove their every move, motive and superiority into the faces of all those they consider to be beneath them.

Whisky2014 · 12/12/2016 10:06

FFS.

merrymouse · 12/12/2016 10:08

plumsgalore fictional books aren't lying, they are telling a story.

Plenty of children (and adults) love Harry Potter and Star Wars without worrying about whether they are real.

It's as though there are hard line Santa fundamentalists and atheists who believe that the idea of Santa depends on parents convincing their children that he is as real as their next door neighbour.

Children can pretend to be Spiderman without an adult pretending that they are Peter Parker, and while knowing full well that they were never bitten by a radioactive spider.

There is a middle way and it is the world of storytelling, myth and make believe.

Cloudhopping · 12/12/2016 10:11

I know where you're coming from OP. I've never felt comfortable with the Father Christmas lying thing. I went along with it when they were little but didn't make a huge thing of it and answered my dc's questions honestly when they came up. They now don't believe at ages 8 and 10 but are still just as excited about Christmas. I have friends who did the whole going to Lapland thing which I just can't get my head round. Christmas can be great without the santa stuff. I'm not religious either and I wonder whether there's a link between the two- the more religious you are the more likely you are to want to perpetuate the myth? I may be wrong though, just thinking out loud.

Whisky2014 · 12/12/2016 10:11

Some of my best childhood memories are about running downstairs to get my parents up and waiting behind the living room door before dlmy parents said we could open it and then the absolute excitement of seeing what santa brought. Its amazing! Once, my dad drew sleigh markings in the snow and sooty footprints in the hall! But yeh, just you carry on and not do Santa for your kids. Instead of them growing up with never being lied to, im sure they will resent you later on when their friends all had Santa.

Sybys · 12/12/2016 10:12

If you want them to develop rational thinking skills, there shouldn't be any lying involved or the logical conclusion they will come to is "Mummy can't be trusted to tell the truth". Non answering of Santa questions is fine, or telling them the story is...
Well I'd happily put presents in a stocking and be non-committal as to how they got there. Working out Santa wasn't real is something I do remember from childhood. I can remember trying to puzzle things out, debating with classmates, and even setting traps to try and catch my parents out to confirm my hypothesis.

It can basically be an age-appropriate thought experiment, and may set them in good stead when trying to work out if certain other stories are likely to be true or not...

Pagwatch · 12/12/2016 10:12

This is a MN tradition now Worra.
Mumsnet has a load of great traditions. I always enjoy the 'FB is full of pictures of piles of gifts -wankers!' threads. Have we had one of those yet.

BowieFanMk2 · 12/12/2016 10:13

PurpleDaisies

When they're three and they want to know where their hamster has gone, but you aren't ready to teach them about death just yet, it absolutely is compulsory.

Whisky2014 · 12/12/2016 10:13

My family is not religious.

Pagwatch · 12/12/2016 10:13

Of course you don't need Santa for a magical Christmas.

Really , it's like most things, do what you like but try not to be a dick about it.

BowieFanMk2 · 12/12/2016 10:15

And, by the way, it doesn't seem to do our kids any harm because they fondly remember them dragging their dad downstairs at 3am only for him to say "No he hasn't been yet but he's left a note saying let your dad have a lie-in!"

Bauble16 · 12/12/2016 10:15

I had an internal dilemma about this month's ago. Was convinced I would traumatise my kids. We never did elf on the shelf. Told eldest how elf on the shelf was fake but under no circumstances to tell other children as he's in on creating the magic. Said child came home from a weekend at his Dad's where it turns out they have an elf. It was like DS had completely forgotten I'd explained the truth and he was convinced the elf was real and brilliant and wants me to write to Santa for our own elf next year. I only told him elf was fake as he used to freak out about puppets etc argh. So lesson learnt as children enjoy the magic and choose it!

PurpleDaisies · 12/12/2016 10:15

But yeh, just you carry on and not do Santa for your kids. Instead of them growing up with never being lied to, im sure they will resent you later on when their friends all had Santa.

Wht can't people see you can still have a wonderful Christmas without Santa? We hardly had any money when we were kids so not many presents. My parents didn't do Santa. I absolutely do not resent anyone for denying me "the magic of Christmas".

PurpleDaisies · 12/12/2016 10:16

When they're three and they want to know where their hamster has gone, but you aren't ready to teach them about death just yet, it absolutely is compulsory.

If you aren't ready to teach them about death, don't get them a pet that dies. Unfortunately some three year olds will have to deal with the death of a relative, friend or parent. Sometimes you just have to tell them the truth in a living, she appropriste way.

muscatmama · 12/12/2016 10:17

When my daughter asks if Santa exists ( since she was about 4) I told her that I have never seen him- but that there is definitely something magical about Christmas . . . What really threw me was when she announced ( at 6) that she felt it was really weird and wrong that he only seemed to bring stuff to rich children when that 'little boy on the water advert just wanted clean water to drink' Good point, well made' I thought. Pretty sure that did it for her and now she only pretends to believe for her siblings.

SEsofty · 12/12/2016 10:18

You don't have to do Santa. Nor do you have to actively say it's a lie.

Instead wait until your children are old enough to ask about it. When at school or nursery probably and then have a conversation about how people believe different things.

Eg infant schools do stuff about all the major religions and children from one religious tradition don't go round saying ' your parents are lying' to those who believe something different.

NavyandWhite · 12/12/2016 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whisky2014 · 12/12/2016 10:21

Its stupid because OPs reasoning is the "i will never lie to my child" crap. If you don't want to do it, dont. But dont make it seem like its because youre so cool and connected and New Age. I know my granny has lied about stuff to my mum who lives abroad, because she doesnt want her to worry her and mum cant do anything etc etc so you never know what happens in life. As a previous poster said; this is Not A Thing.

Lweji · 12/12/2016 10:22

Instead of them growing up with never being lied to, im sure they will resent you later on when their friends all had Santa.

No, my son doesn't resent me at all. We had great fun with Portable North Pole and watch movies with Santa. He was just never told that Santa brings his gifts, or is a real being. He also likes his superheros and doesn't believe they actually exist.

BowieFanMk2 · 12/12/2016 10:23

PurpleDaisies

Do you actually have children? You get them a pet because they beg for one because their parents/cousins etc have them.

Yes, some kids have to deal with actual death at that age, but many don't. I was not ready to teach my kids about death at that age, and many aren't. I feel quite sorry for your children if you don't try to protect them just even a tiny bit and feel the need to suck the fun or joy out of everything.

Like I said, the world is depressing enough as it is. This is hardly lying.

PurpleDaisies · 12/12/2016 10:26

You get them a pet because they beg for one because their parents/cousins etc have them.

Responsible parents say no if they are not able to deal with what happens if the pet dies. It is not sucking the joy out of life to allow them to be sad.

merrymouse · 12/12/2016 10:26

I feel quite sorry for your children if you don't try to protect them just even a tiny bit and feel the need to suck the fun or joy out of everything.

I think it's sucking the fun and joy out of life if Christmas depends on Santa being absolutely real.

The whole point of stories is that they don't have to be real.

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