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Original poster

I don't want to lie to my kid about Santa

497 replies

timeforachangeofname · 12/12/2016 06:50

I don't feel comfortable lying to my future kids about Santa, but I don't want them to ruin it for everyone else either. Has anyone managed to bring their child up not believing in Santa, without them ruining it for believers, or am I going to have to lie to them for the sake of others?

OP posts:
Middleoftheroad · 19/12/2016 23:46

Gosh - all this agonising over lying and talk of stranger danger seems rather heavy. It's just Santa! Xmas Hmm

FranticalFidget · 19/12/2016 23:57

I wouldn't mind some help on this actually.

My family, Dh and his family are all massively into the whole santa thing. They've been saying to dd (who is three) that santa is watching her, doing the list etc.

If I'm completely honest it makes me uncomfortable.

I've been shushed and called a misery because when dd asked 'mummy, what is santa' I said he was a tradition, like a fun story (I used stickman as an example) that we all partake in at Christmas.

Right now she's decided to believe I think (they told her if she believed then she'd get all the paw patrol toys 🙄)

But what do I do going forward?

A) Risk the wrath of all I know and carry on answering her honestly if she asks, and ignore it otherwise.

B) Go out of my way to explain at every opportunity that no he isn't watching and no he isn't real. ( and possibly get thrown out of the family!)

C) pretend there is some fat twat in a red suit that's spying on us until she find out we are all big fat liars? 😂

hoddtastic · 20/12/2016 00:13

'future children' another pointless thread by someone navel gazing...

do enlighten us what you'd do with a lottery win OP and you might rack up 400+ other replies.

OneEpisode · 21/12/2016 07:20

I did a version of a.
me "So the concept is we leave a biscuit and a cookie out for santa".
Them. "Is Santa real?"
Me" What do you think?".
And also:
Them: "I think that man looks like Mr Smith".
Me: "Yes, he does look like Mr Smith"
......
Me "Is Mr Smith kind to dress up to make children happy?"
That kind of thing..

Eolian · 21/12/2016 07:59

I find this whole angst about 'lying' about father Christmas very weird tbh. In my experience, there was a gradual transition - you believe it totally when you're really tiny and it feels totally magical. You get a bit older and start to doubt if it's real, but play along anyway. Then eventually you know it's not real, but look back with nostalgia on the time when you believed. It wouldn't have occurred to me to regard it as my parents lying to me! And neither do my dc.

If you don't like the tradition, don't do it. But all this 'it's a lie' nonsense seems so humourless, po-faced and literal-minded. Young children constantly move in a hazy world between the real and the imaginary. Having their parents join in with that is not lying. It's pretending and fun (unless you have a child with asd, in which case I can see that could be tricky).

Sixisthemagicnumber · 21/12/2016 08:07

It might seem po faced to you eolian but for certain children, particularly those with asd they often can't process it as anything other than lying because of how their thought processes work, they are very literal minded. Asd isn't rare, I think it affects around 1 in every 100 children. So it's not really fair to say that it's po faced, nonsense and humourless. For the vast majority of children Santa is just a bit of magic and fun but let's not be dismissive of the children who don't see it that way.

Sixisthemagicnumber · 21/12/2016 08:09

And at the time when people start the whole Santa experience a child with asd might not have been diagnosed yet. So it isn't just a case of avoiding santa because you know your child has asd and will probably find it tricky to deal with.

Eolian · 21/12/2016 08:20

Yes, that's why I added the last bit about children with asd! I'm pretty aware of the issues surrounding asd as I have taught many children who have it. I still don't think this means that every parent should raise their small child as though they potentially have asd! You parent according to the child you actually have, you don't walk on eggshells around your toddler and avoid perfectly normal everyday stuff 'just in case'!

JeffyJeffington · 21/12/2016 08:26

I realised santa wasn't real aged about 5 or 6 (I think my big brother may have enlightened me) and promptly told everyone in my class that this was the case Blush i remember really vividly loads of kids angrily telling me i was wrong but eventually one girl defended me, saying that others should leave me alone - it was just my (incorrect) belief that he wasn't real and i wasn't hurting anyone Smile i still look back on that really impressed that a young kid could have been sp sophisticated

HeCantBeSerious · 21/12/2016 08:27

In my experience

Well, my experience was different. I'm not asd but it's had an impact on my life that I still feel at almost 40. The majority of children may well be fine and dandy when they discover the myth their parents have presented as truth for years, but not all are.

Not doing santa doesn't mean a joyless life of absolute truth. We've left our kids free to believe in anything they like. Not sure what's so objectionable about that.

MargotMoon · 21/12/2016 08:58

My mum told me that FC didn't exist (for feminist reasons; I'm not letting a man take credit for what I do!) and this was before I could remember.

It was fucking shit. She never consulted my dad (who I spent most Christmasses with anyway ) and I never once experienced the joy of waking up thinking that some Christmas magic had happened.

Don't do it, OP. I would say that has scarred me more than a 'lie' (& you're telling me you never fib to your kids?) and made me feel rather bitter and cynical about the world.

I love Christmas now though, DD8 still believes (I think) and it's lovely Xmas Smile

80sMum · 21/12/2016 09:24

Definition of a lie: "a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood."

So, that's cleared that one up!

Parents do lie to their children about lots of things. I remember when my neighbours' cat died and they told their DD, who was then about 3 or 4, that the cat had "gone on holiday"! Of course, the poor child then kept asking when he was coming back, so eventually they had to tell her that he wasn't. Better, surely, to have told the child the truth in the first place?

But, I digress. Father Christmas is a nice little story and it's fun to pretend and play the game. But it is just pretend. My DCs were never forced to suspend disbelief and accept that something so obviously made up is true. They loved playing along, but it was never 'real'.

Jux · 21/12/2016 10:53

White lie. It's a "you look great" to someone who needs reassurance sort of lie; it enhances life and brings a bit of fun into it, brings a sense of wonder and of excitement. In short, it's a 'good lie', beneficial.

KathrynwithaY · 30/09/2021 04:15

I got in trouble for telling a kid in school that Santa's wasn't real. I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to tell other kids. I never remember believing in Santa. But I've always loved Christmas and it never felt less magical just because there was no Santa.

choli · 30/09/2021 04:24

There should be a Mumsnet game where everyone vomits when the word magical is used in a thread about Christmas.

ghostyslovesheets · 30/09/2021 04:30

Or when someone randomly bumps a five year old thread Hmm

Josette77 · 30/09/2021 05:12

What do you mean Santa isn't real?

Sparklybanana · 30/09/2021 06:45

I tell my children that there are two types of lies. Good lies and bad lies. Bad lies hurt someone, good lies make someone happy. If they lie and someone gets hurt then it s a bad lie.
Santa is a good lie.

Balonzette · 30/09/2021 06:47

I don't lie to my kids about Santa. We have a lovely Christmas but I don't feel the need to lie.

Balonzette · 30/09/2021 06:51

I don't think Santa is a good lie. I was absolutely gutted when I found out he wasn't real. Really, really upset and disappointed. I'm a teacher and find this to be a common reaction. I don't think it's funny or innocent to lie and decieve a child like that. It sends weird messages about telling lies, too.

garlictwist · 30/09/2021 06:55

I do think in the past (certainly when I was growing up) Santa was seen as a kind of "game" and a bit of fun. Whereas now parents go all out to make it seem real, with bloody reindeer glitter etc and really bigging up the magic. This means that when kids do find out the truth it seems like much more of a lie and a breaking of innocence.

Also I am shocked by how old some children seem to be before they stop believing, which I can only attribute to the effort of the parents to sustain this "magic". I don't think I really believed in Santa much past seven.

HarlanPepper · 30/09/2021 07:03

Z O M B I E T H R E A D

Takemetothe90s · 30/09/2021 07:27

@LokisUnderpants

Good lord, what is happening the world. I feel sorry for these poor children who miss out on what is frankly a really special magical thing just because Mummy couldn't possibly lie to her precious darling. For fuck sake Hmm
Exactly
FizzyTango · 30/09/2021 07:40

My parents never lied and I never believed but Christmas was still magical. We still visited Father Christmas (lots of comical winking at each other) and had all the traditions, but knew it was about what they symbolised rather than being real. Plus my parents were very adamant it was important not to ruin it for other children who truely believed, and we respected that. But I’m grateful my parents didn’t lie to me, I think the idea of Santa in my house and the logistics of Christmas Eve would have stressed me out as a child (how is he supposed to visit all the children! Why do some children not get presents!) and I would do the same for my future children.

FreedomFaith · 30/09/2021 07:41

@Josette77

What do you mean Santa isn't real?
Grin I know it's a zombie thread, but best reply.

Although if op sees this, she'd probably take it as the truth and say this is proof that lying about santa is wrong. Grin

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