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To worry I've turned into the attachment mum horror

(389 Posts)
ASAS Sun 01-May-16 17:59:57

So, as a seasoned MNer I'm asking you lovely lot to judge me as tbh I know I'll get the truth.

My DS. Darling Son. Without droning on we attachment parent because honestly I just assumed that's what everyone was doing, comfort him when he cries, let him explore, respond to his cues etc etc. I just thought that's how we (all parents) did it. I kind of still do as I genuinely rarely see a shouty mum, we're all quite new age and chilled aren't we?! Anyway, that was background to let you know I don't see my parenting as that unusual.

My son is now 4 and wonderful. Me, however, not so wonderful after the following happened. Please hand me grip if you feel it's needed...

In church this morning a woman in front of me, who I didn't recognise, turned to me and said, "Have some respect. Sit your child on your knee." For context we'd moved pews next to a toddler he loves to play with. My son and the toddler were not making any noise but were walking (within arms reach). I was so ashamed that I picked up my son, and spent the rest of the service on steps outside.

I love church. It might as well be a spa day for how good it is for me, and everyone is always so lovely to my son. Afterwards the toddlers mum came and found me in the playroom and was a bit lost too but it was me not her the woman spoke to.

Yes, he's wild and I'm crunchy. But he's also so lovely that he asked if he could take the box of donuts he earned as a reward to church this morning to share with everyone, unprompted. He's not naughty, just 4. But is that me being a defensive attachment parent with a pfb?

So go on. Have I done this totally wrong?

ASAS Sun 01-May-16 18:00:32

Ha ha, sorry for droning on after all.

springtimevintagedream Sun 01-May-16 18:01:52

What has attachment parenting got to do with any of that, sorry? (Meant very genuinely.)

It sounds odd, but some people do feel toddlers shouldn't be running around in church, and I guess she's just one of these.

BitchPeas Sun 01-May-16 18:02:39

Hmmm I'm a bit lost sorry! What do you feel bad about?

PaulAnkaTheDog Sun 01-May-16 18:03:05

You lost me at Yes, he's wild and I'm crunchy.

WordGetsAround Sun 01-May-16 18:03:28

Don't know what this has got to do with attachment parenting - I'm not into all that but my children would be doing what yours were. That woman was beyond rude and out of order. Ignore her in the future and I really hope this doesn't effect your ability to feel happy abd comfortable in the church.

YokoUhOh Sun 01-May-16 18:03:52

She sounds miserable. He sounds like a normal 4yo. Don't worry - parent the best way you know flowers

PatriciaHolm Sun 01-May-16 18:04:13

What on earth does "he's wild and I'm crunchy" mean?

ilovesooty Sun 01-May-16 18:04:27

Agreed Paul. I thought I was just being thick though. blush

EatShitDerek Sun 01-May-16 18:04:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

springtimevintagedream Sun 01-May-16 18:05:05

'Crunchy' is hippie but 'wild' - no idea!

dailymailphequers Sun 01-May-16 18:05:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NickNacks Sun 01-May-16 18:06:05

That's not attachment parenting.

springtimevintagedream Sun 01-May-16 18:06:23

In fairness Derek, the other woman sounds needlessly aggressive, but some people do have VERY strong feelings about appropriate behaviour in church and if OPs little boy is four, may feel he was leading the toddlers astray.

Personally I think church is no place for under fives and I say that as a vicars granddaughter.

PotteringAlong Sun 01-May-16 18:06:41

I'm very much what trendy books call an attachment parent. Church is indeed a place to be sitting down and not wandering around. There are times and places.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Sun 01-May-16 18:07:20

Your son was walking around and playing in church? Probably not the time or place.

IcingandSlicing Sun 01-May-16 18:08:04

Well, if the church allows toddlers and preschoolers in together with other people, then they don't mind the usual behaviour of children.
Obviously the woman in front of you did mind.
I'd advise her to talk to the church about it.
You, your child and her, all have equal rights and the church I'd imagine would suggest that everyone shows respect and understanding, so unless your son was screaming and pulling her hair or so, she did not seem like showing understanding.

Fishcake72 Sun 01-May-16 18:09:12

Really sorry but children need to be taught to sit quietly in church and be respectful. It's not a place to play. The attachment parenting thing is irrelevant to this I think.

SaucyJack Sun 01-May-16 18:09:42


You are definitely an attachment parent horror.

EatShitDerek Sun 01-May-16 18:10:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ASAS Sun 01-May-16 18:10:35

By he's wild and I'm crunchy I really just mean he'll walk around undeterred by me (unless it's dangerous etc) and generally I look a riot. I wear jeans to church. I know that's not everyone's cup of tea.

I suppose I just worry that the attachment parenty part of me hasn't really resulted in any "sit down and shush". He wants to walk so I let him walk.

However, I'm conscious of the fact I might have spoiled the service for this woman, that combined with the worry I'm a rubbish mum is why I feel bad.

TimeToMuskUp Sun 01-May-16 18:10:53

There's not much to say except that the other lady was quite obviously in the wrong. DCs of all ages and vocal ranges should be encouraged in churches because, frankly, without them attending in twenty years time churches will no longer exist.

Unsure how it relates to parenting; I think any parent in church with a 4 year old would allow them to walk about a little so long as they're not wilfully damaging or upsetting anyone I don't see the problem.

SaucyJack Sun 01-May-16 18:11:12

How do you spot an attachment parent?

Don't worry- they'll tell you.

EverySongbirdSays Sun 01-May-16 18:11:18

I'd love to give you advice on this, but I don't really understand the post for reasons of context outlined by PPs

Regarding the church it really does depend on the church. eg Catholic/CofE very formal, not surprised some Parishoners would get disapproving, free churches tend to be more open plan happy clappy people having a dance because they feel "moved by the spirit' hmm etc

DixieNormas Sun 01-May-16 18:11:25

He's 4 tell him he has to sit down, don't sit next to a toddler he likes to play with thats just asking for trouble

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