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To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

(1006 Posts)
heyhoplaydough Thu 09-Jun-11 15:24:42

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

5318008 Thu 09-Jun-11 15:26:01


fuckmepinkandcallmerosie Thu 09-Jun-11 15:27:24

YABU and a bit paranoid tbh

From your questioning of DD, nothing happened so why be furious over nothing? He didn't wipe or change your DD merely accompanied her to the toilet.

Pumpernickel10 Thu 09-Jun-11 15:27:48

I can understand where you are coming from with all the bad press lately in nurseries. I would voice my concern to the manager and insist this doesn't happen again. I wouldn't be happy with it either if I'm brutally honest.

rubyslippers Thu 09-Jun-11 15:28:33

YABU but equally if you have requested that, then you have a right to ask why your wishes weren't followed

However, Why the fear of a male member of staff - presumably CRB checked etc etc taking your DD

Wuld it be different if you had a son?

You seem to have had a very strong reaction and I wonder why

If you don't what male carers for your child, then change childcare providers maybe?

Iggly Thu 09-Jun-11 15:28:46

Why is it inappropriate?

Would you let a female worker take your DS (if you had one) to the toilet?

If you're worried that all men are paedophiles then why send her to a nursery with men at all?

She was fine.


countrybump Thu 09-Jun-11 15:28:52

YANBU as you had made your wishes clear to the nursery. I take it they have agreed to your wishes? If so, then they should make sure your rules are followed.

Is there a reason why you are so worried about the male staff member?

seeker Thu 09-Jun-11 15:29:03

You are being very unreasonable indeed.

Unless this is a windup. In which case, you are being very....horrible.

OpusProSerenus Thu 09-Jun-11 15:29:10

It is a very sad world where parents feel so paranoid to this extent. Why would you have to think the worst of somebody just because he is male? If he works in a childcare setting he will be CRB checked, etc

I'm glad my DCs are older if this is what the world is coming to sad

..........and yes, YABU

DoingTheBestICan Thu 09-Jun-11 15:29:34

YABU,what about the mothers of sons? Who should take them to the toilet?

nannyl Thu 09-Jun-11 15:29:44


(Unless of course you only allow boys to be changed by men, which in many childcare settings where there are NO male carers would make life pretty uncomfortable for the boys...... no even if that were your opinion too you are STILL being unreasonable)

Katyrah Thu 09-Jun-11 15:29:46


would you feel the same way if you had a son who was taken the toilet by a female member of staff? I doubt it.

That poor man being subjected to such negative views when all he is doing is looking after children! Also having worked in a day nursery, there is always someone else who knows where any member of staff is with any child, more to protect the memer of staff from ridiculous reactions from parents.

DoMeDon Thu 09-Jun-11 15:29:51

YABU - why can't men change babies?!? Oh yeah, they're all pervs hmm

itisnearlysummer Thu 09-Jun-11 15:29:51

Oh for goodness sake.

YANBU to be annoyed that your wishes weren't followed, but I think YABU to have requested that in the first place. Sometimes it just isn't possible.

And women can be dodgy too.

FlamingFannyDrawers Thu 09-Jun-11 15:30:29


Why is it inapporpriate? Women are capable of horrible acts against children too. I really feel for men sometimes.

Bearskinwoolies Thu 09-Jun-11 15:30:30

Oh dear! YABU.

captainbarnacle Thu 09-Jun-11 15:30:41


diplodocus Thu 09-Jun-11 15:31:12

It's no wonder it's so difficult to persuade men to take roles (both paid and unpaid) in education and childcare settings.
And one of the most publicised nursery abuse cases involved women.

Katyrah Thu 09-Jun-11 15:31:13

*member of staff!

Rosemallow Thu 09-Jun-11 15:31:23

And YABU and odd IMO 'regularly' asking your DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her.
Obviously only men are paedophiles. And ALL men working in nurseries. hmm
Don't we have a thread like this once every few months? hmm

Chummybud1 Thu 09-Jun-11 15:31:37

A bit overboard, there is no difference between a man taking kids to the toilet to a woman. It wasn't that long ago it was a female worker who got caught abusing the kids. I do think it would be preferable for 2 members of staff to take kids, this protects everyone concerned, but that's not always feasable. I would be very angry though if the nursery never carried out something I had specifically asked for. As it is your choice.

BooyHoo Thu 09-Jun-11 15:32:18

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

azazello Thu 09-Jun-11 15:32:20

YABU and paranoid.

IMO, its a bit odd to question your DD about who took her to the toilet anyway. Surely that is the sort of thing that will give her massive issues about men in general when men who work in nurseries are more checked and safe then most people?

ginnybag Thu 09-Jun-11 15:32:25

YANBU to be angry that your wishes were not followed, but YABU in thinking that way in the first place.

If you assume that a male nursery nurse is some sort of paedophile (and you must, or why would you object to him in this way) why have you left your daughter in a place that employs him?

Medical staff have chaperones as much for the protection of the staff member from malicious accusations as for the comfort of the patient, and there is a huge difference between an intimate and invasive vaginal exam, for example, on an adult woman than a baby having it's nappy changed

weblette Thu 09-Jun-11 15:32:48

But female staff are fine to take boys to the toilet because everyone knows it's just men that abuse... hmm


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