To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

[heyhoplaydough]

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

Will you mind if she has male teachers as she goes through school?

Aren't female patients offered a chaperone? It isn't mandatory.

Do you think that male NNs are paedophiles or that they shouldn't touch their bits?? This whole thing does not sound as though it is coming from a rational thought process.

This must be a wind up. No-one can really be this U

would you have preferred dd to have wet/poo herself then a male take her to the toilet?

BooyHoo

I think you MUST stipulate that!

mollys, knowing the man next door, i think he'd be up for it too!!

Yabu. And very precious

If your that bothered that you don't trust the nursery you send your dd to then you should just look after her yourself!

Bloody ridiculous. Iv heard it all now.

I find it very hard to believe that a nursery would have agreed to your ridiculous request to begin with OP.

If you had a DS would you refuse to let a woman take him to the loo? Should I have refused to let a male consultant deliver my daughter in case he was a paedophile? Should I have refused to allow a male consultant to take her tonsils out?

You're being so daft and unreasonable I can feel my blood pressure rising.......I hope the nursery kick you out.

Didn't you know, all men are paedophiles secretly trying to abuse our kids! That's why they apply for jobs in nurseries... it couldn't possibly be that they're genuinely interested in working in a care profession and have a good rapport with kids and staff alike. What nonsense.

For the trolls amongst us, that was sarcasm.

OP, YABVVVU and more than a little bit sexist. I feel sorry for the poor man working at the nursery with parents like you there. He's just trying to do his job.

OP have you been abused in the past? My friend who was abused as a teen refuses to let many men loose with her children and is wary about what female relatives and friends look after them too. You remind me of her and her over reaction when my dh took her dd to the loo

YanknCock, I thought of that thread as well when I read this threads title.

Op, Yanbu to be a bit annoyed your request wasn't followed. However, yab a total prick about not ever wanting a male to change/toilet her. You are setting her up for a total mistrust of men.

Has anything ever happened to you for you to feel that men can not be trusted around young children, or have you just got it in your head that any male in charge of a child is likely to be a paedo?

There is a male teacher in the nursery class at my DSs school, and he i the most loveliest man, all the children love him. He helps he boys and girls in his class. What would happen if this were your child? Are you going to have these hangups the rest of her childhood?

YABU/YANBU

BooyHoo agree with all your posts on this thread!

OP, does DD's father ever take her out without you? What happens if she needs the loo then? Did you never let him change a nappy unchaperoned when she was tiny?

No a CRB check isn't everything or perhaps even much, but it's probably a huge amount more vetting than most the child's female relatives and those relatives friends will ever undergo.

YABVU, and I find your attitude sickening.

Males in a pre school environment are fantasic role models for young children. It's dirty minded people like you who put off men from entering such a career and it's all our kids who miss out.

Utterly, utterly ridiculous. YABVU.

I suppose that if you had a boy you'd be demanding that no female nursery worker changed his nappy or took him to the loo? Or is it only men who abuse children? Or perhaps it's only heterosexual people who abuse the opposite sex - would it be OK for a gay man to take your daughter to the loo perhaps?

Booy's demands are far more sensible than yours. Best you try asking the man next door to put a penguin in his mouth instead of belittling and disrespecting childcare professionals who have done no wrong.

Or male relatives.....

YAB so U it is actually scary.

I am horrified that the nursery didn't tell you to sling your hook when you laid down those stipulations. If I was the male membr of staff I would be beyond hurt that my manager didn't say 'Sorry, all my members of staff are equally trusted and we don't discriminate on the basis of gender'.

As for your suggestion that men shouldn't change children's nappies unsupervised, well words fail me. Actually, they don't. How is this for a bit of perspective? I had a client who was convicted of serious sex offences (grooming and inciting a child to sexual activity and child pornography) and his family were monitored by social services as he had young children. As part of the court order he was not permitted to change his children's nappies.

So you think all men should be subject to the same measures that a court feels appropriate to impose upon a convicted sex offender?

I suggest you take your child out of nursery and find an all-female environment so that no male carer is subjected to this sort of suspicion and prejudice from you. I am genuinely horrified by this.

YABU

And I bloody well hope that the lovely male nursery nurse who DS absolutely adored ,and who left because he was moving to another area, isn't the poor bugger at your child's nursery.

i am suddenly having visions of lots of men running round with penguins hanging out of tehir mouths while a woman on his back shouts "giddy up".

I have not problem at all with male members of staff, in a play / educational / care context. I just dont think they should take my DD to the toilet, particularly if I've stipulated they shouldn't. The nursery agreed that female staff would take her. Her file is for me to write my preferences on all aspects of her daily care, e.g what time she used to have her nap, whether she could feed herself, dietary preferences etc. Her toiletting needs are a valid part of her care.

I am a nurse paediatric nurse (over 10 years experience). The chaperoning of children by female staff, for examinations or treatments where they may be undressed does ALWAYS happen if parents are not present. Yes it's partly to protect staff from accusations. It is a good policy.