To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

[heyhoplaydough]

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

YABVU. Others have already made the point about female staff taking little boys to the toilet and abusers not always being male.

It is natural after recent events to feel a little wary but you either trust your childcare providers or you don't. "Furious" is ridiculous and the reason why male nursery staff have such a hard time.

YABU, as you probably well know it was a female worker who was recently in the middle of alegations of child abuse (a few months back I think?). It's naive and outdated, and sexist, to think men are more likely to abuse children. He is just as secrutiy cleared as the others, and just as 'unsafe' as all the members of staff (CRBs count for bugger all in my opinion). Switch the situation - would it be OK for a female to help a little boy? As a paediatric nurse, surely you should know better? Do all male paediatricians have to have females present when examining a female child?

That poor bloke will be under suspicion for his whole career from people like you casting their hysterical "OMG, he could be a peedow, jab him with a pitchfork and put him in the stocks" looks and accusations at him. Do you think that a man who likes children always has an ulterior motive? You may think I'm being harsh, but not as harsh as the Daily Mailesque gnashing of teeth and wringing of hands about how there's a peedow [sic] on every street corner.

Can you tell it fucks me off a little?

Of course YANBU - everyone knows that child abuse is only carried out by males. And of course that any male who works with children must have motives.

This IS a pisstake thread isn't it?!

"On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took "

way to create an irrational lifelong fear of men.

sexist!!

YABU.

YABU and a freak.

I feel sorry for your child tbh, if I was the manager of this nursery you and your child would not be welcome.

There is also a recent case too in Birmingham too that involves a man of 20.
So I can see her point. This is merely my preference and I would prefer my DD to be taken to the toilet by a female member of staff. If that's me being to protective then so be it.

I think the reason that few men become involved in childcare is that people will like you will assume they are doing something untoward.

YABU

And if you had a son?

I feel desperately sorry for any male nursery worker right now - it is hard enough to be taken seriously as a man in the job as it is, and now people will be looking suspiciously at them the whole time, like this. I am guessing that there will be more calls for extra surveillance in nurseries which may address views like this - but it is short sighted, after the Vanessa George case, to decide that men are the only ones you have you worry about.

This is the main reason why my lovely Dad who loves children will not talk to or chat with them anymore for fear of being called a peedow.

Very sad.

I thought the same azezello. Her DD will pick up on that sadly :(

Guess what? Paedophilia is not a gender-specific crime. Also, I'm horrified at the OP's assumption that all men are potential paedophiles and cannot be trusted to change a nappy or take a small child to the lavatory. So yes YABU on a global scale. But since you've made your paranoia wishes clear in the instructions you've sent to nursery, I suppose you are reasonable in expecting them to be followed. Although actually, if I was managing the nursery I'd have been seriously tempted to decline your application for a place at the outset. So unless you can get a better grasp on reality, keep your dd at home. Or if that's not far enough away from the world of men and their Beastly Habits, perhaps send her to a nunnery.

YABVU

All men are not paedophiles, you do know that don't you?

Either a piss take or you are reading too much Daily Mail whilst sat under your bridge waiting for goats.

YABU

Of course YABU and it is people with your attitude which is keeping many men from wanting to work in chilcare settings.
Can you not remember that female nursery worker who photographed all those young kids whilst abusuing them.

Seems a bit of a weird attitude towards men. My MIL was saying my FIL often gets funny reactions from mums when he talks to their kids if he is out on his own. How sad.

YABU. 'confident nothing untoward happened' Well, that's great then, sounds like she had a lucky escape from the weird sicko man. Unfortunately, she has to come home to a mother who sounds paranoid and loony.

Rosemallow, yes, I'm sure an almost identically titled thread happened not long ago.

This is a wind up, right? It really fucking scares me that people think like that? Do you interrogate your DD over what happens when a female teacher takes her to the toilet?? Does her father ever take her to the toilet? Or grandad? Or uncle? Its a wonder we get any men wanting to be teachers with attitudes like yours

pumpernickel There have been cases involving female staff at nursery too.

What a sad world we live in. Would you let your daughter be examined by a male doctor or are they not capable of abuse, just male nursery workers?

YABVU I have only sons! I wonder what would happen if I started carrying on like a child because only men could taken him to the bathroom? I hope I would be told to grow the hell up or sod off!

Hells Bells people are so narrow minded it scares me