To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

[heyhoplaydough]

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

" It is common practices in healthcare for male staff to have a female chaperone present when carrying out intimate procedures on young children."

if this is an actual policy in the NHS then it is guilty of sexual discrimination!! unless they extend the policy to include female members of staff then it is against the law to enforce it.

why should a male member of staff have to be accompanied when with a child but a female member not? can't you see how that is discrimination?

Primal, what you haven't explained is how choice is going to apply to little boys. Or to parents who worry about female paedophiles following recent scares. What do you think would happen if a sizeable proportion of mums started insisting that they had a right to choose that their ds could only be taken to the toilet by a man?

I am also not part of this so called baying mob.

I will ask the OP, Primal, Crapola and Beesimo again -

At what age does an inocent boy who needs protecting from the big scary man become that big scary man?

Its a simple question, I've asked several times not one of you has answered.

I am more than happy for their to be a policy that no adult should be alone with a child but singling out men only is absolutely ridiculous.

Booy hoo- i explained were that law came from this morning, it was the recognition of what is 'rape', the mother figure and the shortage of staff.

So, small girls are not allowed to be taken to the toilet by male nursery nurses. But surely gay male nursery nurses would be more acceptable than lesbian female nursery nurses - who, based on the arguments put so far, would be more sexually interested in their female charges???

Should I be worried that my son only has female teachers for their year one class? Perhaps I should be requesting a male chaperone for when they change for sports?

I'm also wondering at what age the three sons that someone on the thread has talked about suddently turn into potential paedophiles. Or perhaps they'll only be allowed to do 'traditional' male jobs, well away from potential 'targets'.

Where will the madness end.

Cory - little boys are quite happy being cared for by females - their primary carer ( in most cases ) is their mother so it's a natural state.

This is starting to make me very about the country we live in.

"What this boils down to is 'choice' - ( or are we living in a dictatorship now ?) - at my gp surgery I can choose to be seen by a female doctor, is that sexist?"

Yes. YOU can choose. For YOU.

And this is important because you are an adult, post-pubescent, and as such our society operates some deep-rooted taboos about what is appropriate and inappropriate to be discussed and shared between sexes. Maybe rightly, maybe wrongly - but that's the fact.

NO SUCH TABOOS exist concerning small children, because they are not sexualised beings (they are pre-pubescent) and they exist least of all in the heads of the child - a 3yo may find a man "scarier" because men tend to be taller and have deep voices but (s)he will not feel embarrassed about showing genitalia to that man, any more than she would to a woman.

So, to cut a long story short, your comparison is shit.

The alternative, of course, is that you ask for a woman doctor because, as I suggested to someone else upthread, you are afraid that all male doctors are somewhere on the spectrum from swingers to rapists who are going to climb on the minute the surgery door is shut.

THAT would make the comparison relevant at least but would also, of course, be bollocks.

Op words fail me. As a man I am ashamed and will go and jump off the nearest cliff and save you all from my evil thoughts.

I have two boys aged 1 and 3 their nursery is just full of women. Who should take them to the toilet? If it should be the female then why? (double standards and very sexist).

Also there has been 3 high profile nursery abuse cases, vanesa gorge is the most obvious, then last week the young lad and last year another nursey famale worker. (not just men eh, shock horror).

Also there has been a number of cases reported recently where secondery school teachers (female) have been suducing 14 - 15 year olds boys (this must be ok cause they are teenage lads gagging for it).

There was also a report that came out after the vanesa george case (remember it was two women and one man involved). It said that they fear abuse from women was more but the public would never hear of the fact women are capable of this. Also it said children were abused more in the home by mothers (not sexually more the shouting, making the child feel ashamed, unloved etc) and men were more likely to hit the child.

I think Op you need to realise that Men or not the problem here but it is your worped ideas. You best lock yourself and your family up for protection.

By the way just found out my wife is pregnant and I am hopeing for a girl (gasp - call the police I must be put on the register ASAP).

Primal, what about little boys whose primary carer is male? Does that alter your theory?

Primal - but both little girls and little boys are often very happy being cared for by a man too - I mean, shock horror, they might even have a father in the picture somewhere.

Are you going to opt for a single sex school? Make sure that there are no male teachers of course.

[screams and jumps on chair, flapping hands at MrSpoc]

A MAN! A MAN on the thread! Lock up your daughters!

The OP and her husband are determined that their DD shouldn't be attended to by a male nursery worker in anything which involves intimate behaviour.

Hmmm.

Heyho, are you members of some form of religious organisation? Some type with strict Victorian values?

Miflaw - no, it's to do with my own feelings and not wanting to discuss personal female issues with a male doctor - it's about me not them.
And I should have that choice -

@ Panda!!!

Urgh. Got him... Men are truly worse than spiders! Anyone got any ManRaid?

Massive 'like' to MrSpoc's post

Even though he's gone through about 7 years of university, Primal, and is as trained as your female gp?? Trust me, I don't think male doctors get turned on by your thrush or cracked nipples.

birdsgottafly thank you. i posted as soon as i had read the OP's post and hadn't gotten as far as your post. time for the policies to catch up with the 21st century.

[hands Peanut a can of ManRaid]

There he goes! Hit him! Hit him quick!

What the actual fuck? Really? I mean, REALLY?

GO mr SPOC!!

Primalscream Fri 10-Jun-11 10:30:12
"Cory - little boys are quite happy being cared for by females - their primary carer ( in most cases ) is their mother so it's a natural state."

Speak for yourself. If you have been brought up in a two-parent family with modern parenting views you won't necessarily know that being cared for by a mum is considered more natural: dd wouldn't have known that.

Ds by the time he got old enough to go to school would have preferred having male teachers- but being a boy he doesn't get a choice in the matter.

Primal - I'm only addressing you now as you are here,

At what age does an inocent boy who needs protecting from the big scary man become that big scary man?

Sexual assults have dropped on vunerable adults since safeguarding procedures came in. We don't want then to rise again by taking discussions such as these to stupid levels. There is no reason to not have two members of staff with anyone vunerable. We cannot make them male beacuse we do not have enough male staff. This is for a variety of reasons including; low wages and lack of promotion (the males that start of as carers move on). Young men in the whole do not want to do personal care, many dads have never changed a nappy, even for their own child. Caring is seen as a female activity. Some will not want to because of social stigma (they should aim higher). I believe that the minority of those not chosing to go into care is because of allegations.