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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

1005 replies

heyhoplaydough · 09/06/2011 15:24

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
BumWiper · 09/06/2011 15:38

That poor guy.There he is,doing his job,and you are thinking the worst of him.
It would be nice to see more men in childcare.It would give children a nice balanced view of men and women too.

How would you like it if you were examining a child and the parent was there thinking you were a paedophile?Or if a parent took one look at you and requested another doctor in case you abused their child?You are being extremly sexist,do you let any males near your DD at all?

BooyHoo · 09/06/2011 15:38

"There is also a recent case too in Birmingham too that involves a man of 20.
So I can see her point"

what point? so we have a case of a woman abuser and a case of a man abuser and that proves a point that men abuse? Hmm

wannaBe · 09/06/2011 15:38

Biscuit now off you fuck back to your bridge.

Pumpernickel10 · 09/06/2011 15:39

I would hope this thread is not a windup as it's not very funny if it is.

ShirleyKnot · 09/06/2011 15:39

Meanwhile on NurseryWorkers.com...

amidaiwish · 09/06/2011 15:39

you're crazy.

sunshineandbooks · 09/06/2011 15:39

OP, you're allowed to have any reaction you feel like and YANBU to have specified a female worker only for your particular DD if you have good reasons for doing so. However, YABU if you feel that this should be blanket nursery policy everywhere.

One of the reasons I was so saddened by recent events in the news is because I know reactions like this will become more common and more men will be put off joining caring the professions because of suspicion about their motives. Sad We need more men in the caring professions. My DCs nursery has a male member of stuff and he is much beloved by children and parents alike (as are all the other wonderful female member of staff).

Groovee · 09/06/2011 15:40

Does her dad or grandad's or uncles never get to take her to the toilet?

There was situation in England where it was a female Nursery staff member who was abusing the children, so it's not just men who are abusers.

Maybe you need to take a long look at how you look out on life and people in general.

ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/06/2011 15:40

Sorry Apoc, that was for OP not you.

Nuttychic · 09/06/2011 15:40

Please, please let this thread be a pisstake one! How many men feel awkward around children in this day and age because of people like this woman! I would be so angry, hurt, etc if a father assumed I was going to abuse his son so didnt want me anywhere near him FFS

Shock and Angry and just blah

AfternoonsandCoffeespoons · 09/06/2011 15:41

No You're right pumpernickel, not funny at all, but I'm shocked (well actually I suppose I'm not really) that people have that attitude.

Nixea · 09/06/2011 15:42

I fail to see this as anything other than a wind up TBH.

If it's true then the really terrifying fact that no one seems to have picked up on is that this wonderful attitude is coming from someone who works in a care role!!!

2BoysTooLoud · 09/06/2011 15:42

YABU..
Nothing to add to all above....

halcyondays · 09/06/2011 15:42

YABU and a bit paranoid if you regularly ask her who took her to the toilet.
As there have been highly publicised cases involving abuse by female nursery workers, I'm not sure why some people seem to feel that their children are guaranteed to be safe with women, while at the same time worrying that every male worker might abuse them.

Pumpernickel10 · 09/06/2011 15:42

boo I see your point and I'm probably being too over sensitive with my DD I know I can't wrap her in cotton wool. She's 10 now so nursery was a long time ago

Ormirian · 09/06/2011 15:42
Hmm
YankNCock · 09/06/2011 15:42

Pretty much the same situation a year ago here

thursday · 09/06/2011 15:44

oh for goodness sake. i know we've had a deeply upsetting news story this week about a male nursery worker so i'm hoping you're just an overly anxious type and this has set you off, but as you've been requesting for a long time that men arent allowed near her i can only conclude you have a seriously dim view of men.

i'm glad you're daughter wasn't traumatised by being looked after by a childcare professional simply by nature of having a Y chromosome. the fact they've gone against your express wishes having agreed to them would bother me a lot. but i would expect to be told 'he works here, i can't guarantee he'll be kept away from all children of paranoid mothers' in the first place rather than indulged tbh.

NestaFiesta · 09/06/2011 15:44

YABVU OP.

My brother is a primary teacher and people like you could deter excellent teachers like him from even bothering. In my opinion, teaching needs more men to enter the profession as many boys need male as well as female role models in authoritive roles.

Your paranoia is borderline hysteria and you are passing this attitude of fear and suspicion on to your DD.

Paedophiles are out there, yes, but they make up a small minority of the poplulation and can be female as well as male. What this paedo-phobia does is alientate well meaning and innocent men from feeling able to relate to children without being treated like a predatory sexual attacker.

You've probably made that male nursery worker feel like utter shit.

ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/06/2011 15:44

Fgs Pumpernickel.

Angry

A child broke her ankle in the playground yesterday.

Do I keep my 4 home to protect them from the same thing happening to them?

KatyMac · 09/06/2011 15:45

To be honest as a manager I would say, I'm sorry I can't care for your child then

BimboNo5 · 09/06/2011 15:46

Im a paediatric nurse and believe me male paediatric nurses I work alongside have unsupervised contact with children which could get them accused of being a kiddy fiddler if they were that way inclined. Going to the toilet is hardly like an internal examination ffs you are being way OTT.

altinkum · 09/06/2011 15:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mum765 · 09/06/2011 15:46

There are many elderly care settings where female members of staff see to men's personal needs, and male members of staff see to female's personal needs. This applies in hospitals as well. I think YABU to expect a blanket ban. Especially as the majority of elderly patients in hospitals are female. Perhaps the female staff members were dealing with other dcs and he was the only one available. I can fully understand why you might have very good personal reasons for your request. For one dc it may be practical, but for them all, it's really not operationally possible.

Pumpernickel10 · 09/06/2011 15:47

Sorry chaos I did say I was being oversensitive and I can't help that but I can change my ways. I'm no prefect parent far from it's a learning curve

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