Midwife has slept with DP - WWYD?

[Dipyang]

Found out on of the midwives has slept with my DP, years ago etc pre me.

It's a small team there is a high chance she could be my midwife.

Would you be ok with this?

Yay or nay

[CornishGem1975]

If it was a long time ago, I'm not sure it would bother me, depends on the circumstances really.

[sadpapercourtesan]

It would be a big nope from me. Quite enough intense emotions swirling around childbirth without having to deal with that undercurrent.

I'd ask early on that she not be involved in your care.

[Saynotopineappleonpizza2021]

Is there another hospital you could use? As much as if like to pretend I'd be ok with that I'm not sure i actually would be and it would be hugely distracting!

[MayThePawsBeWithYou]

No. Just ask for another mw if there are enough but she has probably moved on and may not even remember your dp.. She may feel more comfortable with that but what would you do if she was the only one available or was the one who saved you and baby.

[IsDaveThere]

Before you came along? I wouldn't particularly like it but am not sure that there would be anything you could do other than request a different one?

[christingle2]

I mean it’s not ideal, but it was years ago so I don’t see why this has to be a big deal now

If she is your midwife and does not maintain professional conduct, request a different midwife at the time. There’s a chance she doesn’t know your dating him, and a higher chance she doesn’t care regardless

[LizBennet]

Nay to be honest 🤷🏼‍♀️

[SilverHairedCat]

How recent? 20yrs ago, not a problem. 5yrs ago, probably not comfortable.

My old boss became a midwife and I always said if I got pregnant I'd drive two counties in labour rather than let the incompetent, nasty, back stabbing and lying witch anywhere near me... Never had kids so didn't become an issue!

[MirandaWest]

How did you find out?

[Scbchl]

Wouldn't bother me. Its in the past.

[Rodion]

I wouldn't like it. I'd probably keep thinking about it, and then feel guilty because it was years ago... not really what you want as part of pregnancy care.

[IWishIWasABaller]

How did you find out op ? Im not quite sure how I'd feel about it if I was in your shoes

[LethargeMarg]

She mar herself not want to be involved in your care or possibly may not be allowed due to personal connection to your partner. Eg the screening questions etc theoretically things like testing for hiv I'm thinking there could always be a chance it could involve her if you were found to be hiv positive

[Dipyang]

@MirandaWest

How did you find out?

The FB page they share who the midwives are and he was like oh this is awkward haha

Im not fussed about her really im just more thinking it may be distracting on the day, if she looks at him or vice versa who knows what my hormones will do

[elelel]

if she looks at him or vice versa who knows what my hormones will do

I would advise you try to get another. This wouldn't fuss me at all but if you are likely to be reactive to them looking at each other you need someone else

[mistermagpie]

It wouldn't bother me, mind you my DH had slept with the woman who made our wedding cake, so I'm quite laid back about these things.

I expect she would try to avoid being your midwife anyway though, so it might not matter. You can always request a swap though.

[DisforDarkChocolate]

I'd be fine even if it was a bit odd.

Sometimes this is just the reality of living in some areas

[canyoutoleratethis]

Hell no

[eurochick]

Being stressed can slow labour. Worrying about this could affect the birth. I'd flag it now and just ask that if at all possible she not be involved in your care.

[UrbanSpaceboy]

If you feel it would impact on your feelings of comfort and security at a time when you are potentially vulnerable anyway (ie during labour) just ask for it to be recorded on your notes that you don't wish to have her attend to/treat you because you know her socially. You don't need to go into details with them.

[EgonSpengler2020]

I think it would be one of those things that might bother you during ante natal care and in the earlier stages of labour but something that you wouldn't give a f*ck about later on when you are in the 'zone' (or in serious pain) and pushing, and later when baby is born and the only thing in the world you care about right then.

[gogohm]

I don't think it really matters as she will be professional and it predates you, however on the day of possible I'm sure they will try to allocate another midwife if possible if she's on duty. She might not even click as she's your midwife and mostly will be communicating with you not him

[strawberrymilk7]

I'd like to say I would be fine but I'm not sure I would be. I think it's best just to ask to have a diff midwife, maybe do say it's nothing against her/ her work just that you know her personally and would be uncomfortable.

[FAQs]

Title is a bit misleading! So the midwife is an ex partner or fling before your relationship.

Wouldn't bother me. Have to be grown up about these things, the care received is more important.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

No like another poster said too many emotions already