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Being a single mum is proper graft isn't it - come on in single mums

(742 Posts)
Janeyscleavage Mon 21-Jan-19 00:21:09

And no you can't join if you 'feel like a single mum because your husband works long hours' hmm

Janeyscleavage Mon 21-Jan-19 00:23:39

Lying in bed pondering how much stuff i've done today and how much needs to be done tomorrow and i've forgotten to put the milk bottles out and I need to get the car MOT'd tomorrow (praying to the car gods on that one) and it occurs to me that this is why you are supposed to have two people.

Ilovecrumpets Mon 21-Jan-19 06:51:54

I was thinking this last night too. Just can’t seem to stay in top of everything atm - all the stuff to remember for the DCs, some repairs on the house plus the Denver ending cleaning and cooking and just thinking about it all!

You have reminded me it’s bin day today though smile

Ilovecrumpets Mon 21-Jan-19 06:52:27

* never ending * - it’s seems typing is also beyond me grin

Happyinheels Mon 21-Jan-19 07:04:51

SM of 2 here. I'm exhausted. It's the having to do absolutely everything on my own.
Last week my toilet overflow pipe was leaking water and the garage roof was leaking - totally pushed me too far! Just one thing too many. I can do a lot around the house but the toilet and the garage are 2 things just a bit beyond me! And I just broke down in floods of tears because it's all just too much. I feel like I'm just treading water with occasional waves taking me under!
I'm sick of the perpetual wheel of jobs. I couldn't even bring myself to go food shopping yesterday because it was just another thing!

LincolnOceanVictorEdward Mon 21-Jan-19 07:15:40

I am a LP too, but I don't agree that "this is why you are you supposed to have two people". You might feel bad about not having a partner, but I don't. After years of verbal, emotional and financial abuse, I'm the decision maker and I like it. I like the autonomy. I appreciate not everyone feels this way.

Livingthedream12345 Mon 21-Jan-19 07:51:29

I was already doing everything when abusive ex was here....the only thing he ever did was wheel the bin out.

RoseAndRose Mon 21-Jan-19 07:54:29

Just checking - you have spotted there's a LP topic ?

(Not a reason not to have a chat thread as well, but a useful place)

misstakenone Mon 21-Jan-19 07:56:13

yep - with you!
the bit I find hardest is getting the parenting balance right - too soft, too harsh - with noone else to bounce off and hormones kicking in in pre teens here and being the only one on the end of the tantrums and tears!
But yes to the constantness of it all. If I get ill or even slightly under the weather it then becomes a really bad viscous cycle. And so hard to keep up a social life!
The bit that makes me saddest though is that it is just so relentless that I find myself wishing their childhoods away/waiting for the next stage and not enjoying them as much as I should

Lavender00 Mon 21-Jan-19 08:02:52

Beyond proper graft, sometimes feels impossible to be everything and do everything.

lastqueenofscotland Mon 21-Jan-19 08:08:07

My DM was a widowed single parent of 3. I literally do not know to this day how she did it and didn’t have a breakdown.

Toomanycats99 Mon 21-Jan-19 08:08:30

Some bits are hard but tbh I am still happier being single. In some respects I have less work as I don't have husband who doesn't pick up after himself!

The only thing i dislike is when I am working in the office I am limited in my hours as I have to get kids from after school club. It's harder to juggle work and home now.

ComeOnGordon Mon 21-Jan-19 08:16:45

I’m definitely happier overall since exH moved out nearly a year ago but I am worn down with the constant grind of looking after 3 kids. ExH sees them maybe once a week or a fortnight for 2 hours & the rest of the time lives a lovely bachelor life and people wonder why I resent him.

It’s remembering everything that needs done and so much driving them around. And dealing with all their troubles and worries.

Sending you all a huge hug - we are amazing and should tell ourselves that once in a while flowers

LeoTimmyandVi Mon 21-Jan-19 08:37:16

I have been a lp since my children were 2 and 1. They are now 13 and 12 and I still can’t believe I survived those early years. Broken sleep, multiple childcare drop offs, sprinting across the car park to get to my desk at work in time. Then the evenings fitting in all the food making, baths and housework.

But...there is light at the end of the tunnel. My kids now get themselves to and from school, can cook basic meals themselves, help around the house. I now have time to myself sometimes.

It does get easier all you lp supermums!

PatricksRum Mon 21-Jan-19 08:45:28

And no you can't join if you 'feel like a single mum because your husband works long hours'

This

It's the constant, up down, repetitive stuff. Washing, nappies, feeding, bath, etc.
And I feel so productive but then I hear of other mothers with babies who've "cooked three meals" and "gone to baby sensory and yoga" all in one day and I'm too knackered to even take the rubbish out.
I do love it though.

Janeyscleavage Mon 21-Jan-19 09:40:44

Yeah i've found my people <hugs>

I feel like its one of those situations where we will look back in ten years time and be amazed we got through it. My mind is constantly whirring with all the things that need doing. As soon as I woke up this morning my mind was just going, right DS needs to remember his english homework, car MOT at 11, get the milk in, DD's school dinner money, that gate really needs some oil, wheres the bloody cat, must spend more time with other DD.

Always trying to find ways to cut wasted time and fit everything in. On Wednesdays I don't wear heels because I have to run for my car after the drop off to get to work on time.

I'm happy being single in the adult sense. I'm not sure how I would cope with another adult in the house now but it would be lovely to just be able to say to someone, right i'm going to do this but could you just do this quickly. Or for them to just know it needs doing. The mental workload is ridiculous. And thats before you get to work and your own life

Janeyscleavage Mon 21-Jan-19 09:43:06

@patricksrum, I feel the same way. I actually asked the kids a few months ago if they thought I was a good mum. The look of utter bemusement on their face and the shock that I thought I wasn't was so lovely and just what I needed. I don't think our kids judge us as harshly as we judge ourselves.

PatricksRum Mon 21-Jan-19 09:45:57

Janey definitely! Theirs is the only important critique. It's just comparing myself to other mums thinking how do they do that? But then the answer must just be "they have help".

megletthesecond Mon 21-Jan-19 09:49:48

I'm too tired to actually post anything constructive blush.

PoppingGlitter Mon 21-Jan-19 09:58:41

Was a LP (DD is 19 now!), DH died when DD was 9. I actually had someone comment saying it must be great because I will get a nice life insurance payout shock Er no thanks I would rather have my DH back.

My god it was fucking hard, especially when DD was in her mid teens and had constant teenage tantrums etc. Also supporting her through her anxiety (and grief) since DH died whilst trying to cope with my own grief.

I have been constantly worried about money, only just making ends meet. Having to ferry her to and from XYZ, I constantly feel guilty that she has not had the childhood she was suppose to have, due to money she has never had the opportunities her peers have had and she has had to adapt to grow up without a father, again something many of her peers do not understand.

I take my hat off to those that were LP to babies / toddlers , young children. At least DD was generally quite independent by the time she started Secondary, so I didn't have to worry about lunches, school runs etc.

IWantMyHatBack Mon 21-Jan-19 10:03:20

It's really difficult. Much easier now they're both at school, and I'm lucky in that I have a flexible job and work four days a week, so able to have some time on my own when they're at school.
The only way I can even slightly keep on top of things is streamlining absolutely everything. I'm getting there, it's getting a little easier as they get older, but yeah... It's a slog and sometimes just really overwhelming

RhubarbTea Mon 21-Jan-19 11:02:40

I have been a single parent for almost 9 years and I only recently clicked that the reason other mums aren't stressed and weeping with fatique is because there is one person to cook, and one to tidy, or one to clean up sick while one sits with the child etc etc. Even just being able to go for a run or pop to the supermarket while someone else is with the kids. For some reason I had just assumed that it must be this hard for everyone.
I like being single and am happy in my life but fuck, single parenting is HARD. All the time.

Anotherdayanotherdollar Mon 21-Jan-19 11:06:33

Absolute respect to all those doing it on their own flowers

JacquesHammer Mon 21-Jan-19 11:10:32

I’m ruthlessly organised - I have to be.

I actually love being both single and a single parent though. The quality of time (whilst I find it hard when she’s at her dad’s!) I get with DD12 is wonderful.

RomanyRoots Mon 21-Jan-19 11:11:54

I'm not a single parent, but wanted to show my support.
As a happily married woman for 26 years, I haven't got a clue, but think myself very lucky.

I have a friend with no family support close by and has fibromyalgia, her dd is grown up now, but God it was a struggle for her.

Sending hugs your way {thanks]

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