Being a single mum is proper graft isn't it - come on in single mums

[Janeyscleavage]

And no you can't join if you 'feel like a single mum because your husband works long hours'

There are fee loans arnt there? I think my dds will have to live at home for uni

Wheee are you in the uk I'm in Plymouth

Another LP here. DSs are 8 and 6. Left their shitbag father nearly 4 years ago. Had 3 years of shit and more abuse from their dad which finally seems to be settling down now. I'm tired, so tired. I love my boys more than anything but it's so hard. I have MH problems too which doesn't help.

Hi all, I’ve been a lone parent since pregnancy.
DS is now 6 and I had him late in life so physically it’s tough sometimes, I’m constantly tired (but aren’t we all?!)

His dad lives abroad but to be fair, he sees DS every 6 weeks or so and pays a small amount of child support.

What I find hardest is no one having your back, no emotional support, and friends just not getting it. I’ve 2 friends who are LPs but have fantastic family support, whereas I don’t.

DS has SEN and is awaiting assessment to see if he has ASD, so parenting him, although incredibly rewarding, can be challenging at times.

I struggle just with one child, you lone parents with more kids - hats off to you!

My DD is a dream, sleeps well, hardly cries etc, but that doesn't make being a single parent any easier. The things I struggle most with is trying to do a big shop with a baby in a pushchair, not being able to just pop to the shop for milk without having to fully dress and wrap up the baby so a chore that could take me less than 10 minutes can sometimes take 30! If I've had a long day at work and my DD is crawling everywhere, touching things she shouldn't, pulling and breaking things (seriously, how do they manage it? Teeny Houdini) and just generally has me running ragged to stop her hurting herself, I find myself getting quite upset that someone can't just take her for 10 minutes so I can just take a breather and get my shit together. I miss being able to have a relaxing shower without wondering what havoc baby is causing, I miss being able to walk out of a room without someone whinging, I miss being able to just do things last minute. My plans now require 4 weeks of pre planning with sitters! Simple things really that I think people with partners/co-parents completely take for granted.

7.30. Have just finished dinner. DS still needs me to help with his chemistry, DD needs showering and getting ready for bed and I stink too tbh.

Dishes still need doing. Packed lunch for DD and finding other DD's forest school clothes.

See you all after the witching hours!

Walking into the bathroom and finding no loo roll nearly reduced me to tears last week

YES! THIS! Funny how we snap over the small things. I spring into action in a real disaster but finding theres no milk and realising its too late to go out and get some bloody milk is the worst.

Hello tribe!

LP here from when DC was a baby. Much easier then living on eggshells with an abusive ex, but still hard work at times.

I miss having someone to share the good bits with too-when they amaze you and you’re feeling really proud!

I remember those times NotTodayHun - it does get easier!
I remember having to park right up the road from my house with DS in his car seat and heavy bags of shopping and not having a clue how I was going to get it all home as couldn’t leave DS on his own in the car or in the house!
I just wanted to cry with frustration.

XH made sure we couldn’t stay married, without actually ending it. Despicable behaviour. He takes no responsibility but feels very strongly that he must be liked.

My main worry is how my children will deal with adult relationships. My 11 yo had no relationship with him to speak of. I think she is wise to his neediness and because he gets nothing from her, he doesn’t give anything. A couple of the DCs are his trophy children, so they get more attention. He has a favourite and isn’t discreet about it. To the point favourites friends have commented to their parents.
I shall continue to compensate for him and work on their self-esteem.

He told 11 yo she was ‘lazy’ as she didn’t do anything at the weekend. Truth was she was at home with the oldest because I was taking the other two to their competitions Saturday and Sunday. Oldest walked youngest to her activities.

He has no fucking idea.

Oh NotTodayHun - internet shopping and milk man deliveries have saved me many times.

It’s an incredible relief when you can just pop out to the corner shop.

@TightPants it's so frustrating! In my head I'm thinking"this is so simple, I don't understand why one tiny little person has made a simple chore so difficult!"
I never spend any time away from her (except for work) and I'm reluctant to let her have sleepovers with her grandparents because I'll miss her too much. It's funny how things work out

Someone earlier said something which I really relate to. That being a SM has taken away all their softness and made them quite hard. That is exactly how I feel.

I have a really low tolerance for 'princess' type women now. I don't want to hear my mate complaining that her DH hasn't mowed the lawn. I don't have any tolerance for people who fall apart at the smallest hurdle. It's made me quite mean inside my head tbh. But then also I look at their husbands and think I probably have more balls than most of them

I have rules btw:

Good daily meal/sleep routine
Extra milk in freezer
Stockpile and replace not use and replace
Fridge pad ongoing shopping list
Batch cook
Grocery shopping online and delivered
Extreme timetabling/diary keeping with phone alarm reminders set
Cleaning timetable
Photograph on phone of things to remember (letters etc)
Youtube for how to videos

and yes extremely low tolerance for time wasting bull

“Slog” is right. The never ending struggle to keep on top of housework, kids’ activities, work and everything else. My drain blocked this weekend and I actually sobbed as I scooped smelly gunk out.

I also hate that utterly grinding feeling that I am responsible, the buck always ends with me. And I fucking despise the handful of people who dropped me when my ex left, as though I had somehow become tainted.

Yep, divorced, full-time working mum of 14yo, so tbf it could be more challenging, except my dad is currently in hospital with a broken back, mum doesn't cope well on her own and the hospital are being fairly useless.

Have some great friends & XH has helped when asked but I was off all last week on compassionate leave and really need to be back at work.

Have also just realised that by staying this late (to speak to the invisible bloody doctor) the pets haven't been fed.

I'm fine when we're all healthy and I seem to manage to spin all the plates. However having had a virus for 5 days and be a puking, coughing, feverish mess with my 8 yo in tears because she's worried about me is when it really hits me that I'm all alone.

This thread is making me realise how hard it was for my own mum to bring my sister and me up alone. She started binge drinking and had several breakdowns along the way and was pretty fucked up. In spite of all that my sis and I survived and are now aged around 50 and living great lives. We are tough cookies. Your kids will grow up resilient and adaptable and non judgemental of others.You are brilliant.

I am very nearly crying reading this thread.

Have been a SP for a year, DC are 2 and 5. I felt like I was totally failing, trying to hold it together, drowning and exhausted. I feel so relieved to read I’m not alone and to have others says you’re finding this hard because...IT IS BLOODY HARD! Is such a help in itself.

The hardest things:

feeling like I don’t have the energy to enjoy my babies and knowing I’ll regret and feel sad about it when they’re older.

I manage a team at work and feel stretched so thin the whole time with home life I find it very difficult to muster anything else to give. Struggle with it on a daily basis and it makes my brain scream.

Going through a pretty nasty divorce too so it just never stops.

I have a really low tolerance for 'princess' type women now. I don't want to hear my mate complaining that her DH hasn't mowed the lawn
^^This. People at work do this all the time. When you do Every. Single. Thing., hearing people complain if their DH still hasn't got round to getting the cases out the attic/changed a lightbulb/unblocked the sink etc etc, it wears a bit thin.

@TightPants I moved for that reason! Lived in Victorian terrace - no bastard parking!!! Carrying sleeping dd1 when pg with dd2 and the fucking shopping on my own. Grrrr

@theliverpoolone I lectured my friend at work when she bought her first car that she had to learn to fill the tyres and top up the oil and so on and change the headlight bulbs. Otherwise it's just being pathetic. Don't get me wrong I love her I just had my point to make

I don’t think I’ve ever been a princessy type woman. But, frankly, I don’t like gardening or diy. I can do them but I just do not want to use my spare time on either of them.

I need to get the curtain pole in DS2’s room fixed. It’s hanging off the wall (and has been for months). But it just feels like too much at the moment.

I work FT; DS2 has a stupidly time consuming interest (if your kids say they want to take up competitive swimming, just laugh and encourage them to do something that won’t cause you to spend your entire life in swimming pools - with the threat of 5.30am sessions in a couple of years); I do everything. I just don’t want to fix the bloody curtain pole.

And I don’t have any tools (because ex decided they were his). So I’d have to buy some. And learn how to plaster to fix the wall. I’d get someone in but my finances are a bit of a mess while I pay off the debt I accrued getting away from the ex (who it turns out is unreliable with maintenance, so I’ve had to go to the CMS).

And this is why the curtain pole is still not fixed. It just feels like too much right now.

LP for 9 years, since dd was 4. Lots of regrets- feel I missed out on dd growing up as I was too busy keeping everything afloat rather than stopping to enjoy her. Life is easier in some ways now but so much harder in others - she hates me because she's having teenage angst but I'm the only one she has got to make it all better. I am simultaneously good cop and bad cop and that is a balance I find hard at the moment. And I hate constantly thinking about money. Still, we are a happy little team and I wouldn't have a man in our lives again at any cost, hard as it is, it's not as hard as being married to a fuckwit.

@Floandme I could not have said it better, you've articulated how I feel and act but couldn't express it.

I am very intolerant, literally no time for shit either at work or in my somewhat small social life. I think my harsh way of dealing with things shocks some friends but it's how I have to be to keep on going and not get de railed.