Being a single mum is proper graft isn't it - come on in single mums

[Janeyscleavage]

And no you can't join if you 'feel like a single mum because your husband works long hours'

Single parent here here too!

Was left with a 19 month old and a 4 week old I've no idea how I survived those times it's a blur

But they're 5 and 3 now we're a super team

I’ll be back when my two in bed!

Yes to the constant "everything on" mode. I wish another adult would help with schooling stuff. Having another adult with their own interests for them to share in. Always having to be the one to get them to do reading/writing/stop watching telly, etc. Wondering what affect only having one source of info will have. Wondering if I've missed something out along the way... it's certainly high in anxiety!

Nah my exh drained me and I had a partner for a few years who just caused hassle. It's easier on my own for now I can't stomach the selfish behaviour. Mine are 6 and 9

Agree, agree, agree with all the above!
The financial and practical struggles are hard, but I find the absence of emotional support for the seemingly minor things the toughest in some ways; when dd moved up to secondary school, worrying about how she was coping, and trying to manage the homework overload, without having anyone to just say 'God this is tough' to of an evening, really brought home the loneliness of it to me. Having said that, ex-dp would have been no support whatsoever, so in some ways it was better having no-one than someone there-but-not-there emotionally.

I needed to read this today! Single parent for 5/6 years to DD who is now 15. I forgot to put the bins out, need to book a dentist apt, my washing machine is broken & I have a foul headache.
I’d love someone to make decisions with me, sometimes, in a way DD can’t (and I’d not expect her to).
She’s wonderful and we’re a great team; but , if I’m not working (FT teacher) I seem to be being a taxi or on the never ending treadmill of domestic chores.
It is preferable to how life was before, though. I wouldn’t go back to that for anything.

hi me too it is so so relentless and lonely and fucking shit at times like someone said it just takes one thing to go wrong to send you over the edge. am in the process of moving and what got to me was on all the forms it assumes you are doing mortgage with a husband/partner and has two spaces so i could only fill out one. just a tiny thing but really got to me. then having to declutter clear and pack up the whole house single handedly has been a nightmare. i asked a few friends to help but no one did and it just feels crap. can't even get excited about new place as can only afford a small mid terrace on my own. and xmas was so lonely no family to go to friends all busy just the 3 of us. eurgh am ranting but some days i get really really fed up and just wish someone could give me a hug

Sometimes ranting needs to happen.

I do wish I had family nearby.

I have days/whole weekends when I haven’t spoken to anyone who hasn’t come out of my vagina.

It's exhausting. Absolutely exhausting.

Single parent 2 boys, one with autism who needs a lot of help day to day. I've suffered for years with horrible heavy periods and as I'm getting older is absolutely wiping me out for the week, this is that week and all I want to do is go to sleep but have a list of what needs doing.

It's absolutely shit sometimes, I absolutely love being on my own, but sometimes I wish there was someone just to do their tea and ironing.

I'm SP for 7 years this April. I can't believe it has been that long. It took me a long time to get over the sudden end of my marriage and it took its toll on me and DC, but we are fine now. I still get some of the emotional fallout from DC , as their father sees them when he feels like it, sometimes going months between visits.

So I have almost 100% care of my DC, I think he saw them around 7-8 times in total last year! I am lucky that my mum is nearby and will help out and I have had very good neighbours whilst DC was growing up, but none of it is the same as having somebody to go through it all with you. DC was literally just turned 4 when XH walked out, so it's been a long hard slog.

I resented it so much initially, that he could just walk away from it all and I had to bring up DC on my own, however as time goes by and he sees less and less of DC, we have settled nicely into our own life.

Oh god there's always a happily married woman turn up on these threads to let us all know how lucky it makes her feel.
I don't know if I find it hard, I think it was harder being involved with man-children who only added to the load. There can be times it can feel relentless but I've found it easier the older they get, I know others feel it's the other way round.

I think we've found our people! Makes it so much better knowing there's others out there. I try talking to friends about it but I dont think they really get it or they try to relate and that's annoying as hell when you know all their partner does! either that or I just feel like a right moany old cow! the other thing I hate is the spreading of myself. Currently sat outside my sons football practice as is not worth going to and fro for the hour. Meanwhile dd is home alone. The other parents tag team it and son their other kids get more attention

Can I jump in?! Single mum here!!

So tough, every buck falls with you. My Ex doesn’t do a thing, he’s seen DD once since Sept and not seen DS’s at all. I work full-time and all the kids do a stupid amount of activities and clubs. I often feel like I’m running on a treadmill that’s going too fast.

Oh god there's always a happily married woman turn up on these threads to let us all know how lucky it makes her feel

Yeah I thought that!

Although I must admit I look at married couples and it makes me feel lucky that I’ve got the best deal so....

I'm very tired of not having any money. We are not poor but my disposable income goes the dds. Obviously!

Yep!

Single mum of two years to two teens. Their father destroyed our family in a pretty spectacular way and I have picked up the pieces. It’s affected them hugely and he continues to emotionally blackmail them. He sees them for a couple of hours a week, does no parenting of any kind and wants a medal for paying some maintenance ‘well, I pay you money don’t I?’ No! No, you don’t ‘pay’ me for looking after your children, you provide money for them to continue living in their home! Because, surprise, surprise, they are your responsibility too! The very least he can do considering!
I adore my children and I wouldn’t want it any other way, but I’m so, so tired. I have no family here, I work full time in a demanding job (with other teens) and friends aren’t around at weekends. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed. But I carry on, because we have to don’t we!

Single mum here since pregnant with my second who is now 3.
Definitely very tough at times . My house looks like some sort of disaster has happened mon - thurs when I’m at work .
Agree that some things are slightly easier with ex not here . He is a good dad but works shifts so I still have kids most the time .

I get angry at the lack of respect from society, the lack of help and the total absence of expectation shown to fathers. If only the law would see us as the responsible getting on with it grafters we are.

I have been watching Better Things and I reckon it sums it up quite well. One person can never be in more than one place.

I feel bad that dc have to wait while I ... BUT as a result I have incredibly patient dc who help when possible and keep busy.

I feel bad that dc have to have slow days if I am ill... BUT as a result I have very kind and mature dc who know sometimes I just need rest.

I feel bad that dc don't get all the reading, activities etc ... BUT as a result the few friends I do have know to grab a book and get right into that stuff when they do visit and some great relationships are growing there.

I feel bad that there is never enough ... BUT as a result I see people and things for what they are and value kindness, doesn't stop me being incensed at the law for throwing us under the bus though.

Exh takes no responsibility whatsoever for the girls. He provides maintenance almost half what he's supposed to but I appreciate a lot more than many mums get.

Haven't read the full thread yet, but on the subject of "this is why there's supposed to be two people"
My kids dad was a shit, and parenting without him is easier but parenting with another decent human being would be easier again.
My friends can pop out to Tesco to "get a few bits and bobs" and stop in the cafe for a cuppa and cake and breather once their partner gets home. Or go out to the cinema with friends. Or take a long bath. Make last minute plans.

My kids dad doesn't see them, and I use most of my babysitting favours for when I'm working. Sometimes I wish there was a point in the day when I could just go "right, you are home, you are in charge, I'm going for a walk round the block"

Excellent post wunder

I feel sad that the kids have such a manipulative, selfish prick for a father. I don't know if I'll ever get over the guilt I feel; that I couldn't get him to work WITH me on the big stuff.

I wont be able to provide as well for them as I might have had I remained married. They'll be lucky to get to uni. I'll not be able to afford the fees etc.

They're terrific, thoughtful compassionate children. I adore them. I do think they'll look back and probably be cross with me for breaking up the family though.

It's relentless, hugely significant amount of responsibility. Still better for not having to live with the hateful shit.