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Original poster

Being a single mum is proper graft isn't it - come on in single mums

999 replies

Janeyscleavage · 21/01/2019 00:21

And no you can't join if you 'feel like a single mum because your husband works long hours' Hmm

OP posts:
Hen2018 · 21/01/2019 11:17

It’s a damn sight better than being married to a twat.

14 years single here, 2 teenagers and I wouldn’t have it any that way.

MargoLovebutter · 21/01/2019 11:25

Hello all. Single mum to two DC for 16 years here. Tis proper graft, and whilst it is better than being with my cheating, lazy, mean ex-H, it still wasn't what I signed up for.

Not entirely sure how I'm still putting one foot in front of the other and whilst the sheer physicality of it is less demanding than it was when they were tiny, it is still tough. My eldest is ASD though, which I think probably adds to it.

It has often felt like walking on a knife edge of juggling, where I could stay on the edge, as long as I didn't drop a ball, but just one ball dropped would make me wobble.

Sorry, that sounds really moany. My DC are amazing and I adore them and they adore me and that bit of it is wonderful.

Ilovecrumpets · 21/01/2019 14:21

@mistakenone I have that wishing their childhood away too sometimes and I feel so awful about it. Or just wanting them to go to bed so I can get on with the million other things I need to get done. And yet when they are with ex e/o weekend I miss them so much. I think that is what I dislike the most - the feeling so stretched and stressed that I’m snappier than I should be and don’t enjoy the time with them.

Also the having no back up I find very hard. I don’t have any family near or who would help so no one to help when they/I am unwell or something happens.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Boredboredboredboredbored · 21/01/2019 14:22

I'll come back later but glad to have you. Single mum for 3 years now with dd15 and ds14.

It's fucking hard work particularly when your ex is a twat!

Original poster
Janeyscleavage · 21/01/2019 14:23

So the car failed the MOT Hmm

I left my house keys in the car and then couldn't get back in the house. Popped a window but couldn't get my arse through it. Managed to get an arm through the letter box and wiggle the bolt open on the front door. Stupidly wore heeled boots and my feet are now like blocks of ice.
And DD's primary school just called to ask if I could bring her water bottle in as she's forgotten it. Er no! Tell her to use the bloody fountain!

Hows everyone else's day?

OP posts:
Floandme · 21/01/2019 14:25

@Ilovecrumpets, yes at the snappiness, I do wonder if I would have been less shouty if I was still married but would definitely be stressed in other ways just with more help

megletthesecond · 21/01/2019 14:25

Ilove & mistake.
I'm wishing away their childhoods too Sad. I'm a deacde in and have got 9 years until they're both hopefully at Uni. I will book a week off work, sleep, work out and catch up on years of paperwork.

Ilovecrumpets · 21/01/2019 14:27

@Floandme yes agree would have been unhappy stressed in different ways that’s true.

I suppose the ideal would have been to be in an ok relationship with kidsWink

MargoLovebutter · 21/01/2019 14:28

Janeyscleavage - just massive amounts of sympathy from me. That's a crap day and a half.

myhamsteratefreddiestarr · 21/01/2019 14:40

It's hard work at the best of times, but for me it's worse in January as it's tax season and that's my job.... I am self employed which is great so I can work around DC, but it means that I have to work evenings and weekends sometimes to keep on top of everything, so full time work.

It's the running around that gets me. I have to take DC everywhere and I have to pick them up. There's no second parent around to do half the running. I have to do all of the laundry, all of the housework, I have to worry about the bins, the car repairs, the house repairs, the shopping, everything. there is nobody to take some of the burden on.

There is nobody to discuss anything with, nobody to talk problems over with, or to make decisions with.

Sometimes that is a bonus though Grin. On the whole I am happy on my own, adding a man into the mix now would just complicate everything, but I often wonder what our life would be like if XH hadn't left us. (I know in some ways it would have not all been rosy, but guess we will never know now!).

Original poster
Janeyscleavage · 21/01/2019 14:59

There is nobody to discuss anything with, nobody to talk problems over with, or to make decisions with.

And that right there is the cruz of it. It's all on you baby, the good and the bad!

OP posts:
myhamsteratefreddiestarr · 21/01/2019 15:02

You did just remind me that my own MOT is due in February though, so thanks for that Grin

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 21/01/2019 15:05

I've been a single mum for nearly 10 years now.

After a while I realised I could do it on my own. Cant rely on her useless dad to support and parent her, so someone has to do it. She deserves a reliable parent.

BitchQueen90 · 21/01/2019 15:07

Hello!

I've been a single parent since DS was 10 months. Now I don't have it as hard as some as my exh does have DS on overnights (only 2 or 3 nights a month though so not loads) and I get maintenance. It's still bloody hard though.

I've got so much housework to do tonight that I want to cry thinking about it. DS is 5 so he still needs a lot of my attention.

Lonecatwithkitten · 21/01/2019 15:07

Single parent with pets. Last week my DD was admitted to hospital needing emergency surgery, I had to leave on occasions to feed pets and let the dog out. She came out of surgery at 3am, I ran home let dog out, grabbed 3 hours sleep, let dog out fed pets ran back to hospital. Luckily DD is an independent 14 year old and was happy overnight by herself. I was missing work, felt guilty about that, felt guilty about leaving pets so long, felt guilty about leaving DD overnight - felt like crying through a lot of it, but held myself together so that DD didn't know how worried I was.

MargoLovebutter · 21/01/2019 15:15

Lonecatwithkitten hope your DD is ok now. That sounds like it must have been incredibly stressful. I hope it has calmed down a bit now.

ShowerOfShite · 21/01/2019 15:19

Single parent to two teenagers. It's always just been the three of us.
It's relentless, being in charge ALL THE TIME.
No contact, input or maintenance from their father. The emotional fallout from that has been very hard to deal with.
I found it easy up until the age of 10ish. I had the energy to run about and juggle it all.
The teenage years I'm finding harder. I think I'm finally worn out!!
I homeschool my youngest so I'm rarely alone.
I'd love a day off Smile

Original poster
Janeyscleavage · 21/01/2019 15:21

I've got four of the bloody buggers running the spectrum of toddler to teen. Not sure how that even happened

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 21/01/2019 15:23

@MargoLovebutter thank you yes all is fine now in fact she is back at school partly due to my rule that you can't extracurricular activities if you are not well enough for school and she really wants to go tonight.
I think it exhibits just how relentless it is as a single parent, it all falls to you there is no one to catch you if you fall.

MargoLovebutter · 21/01/2019 15:37

Yup, we are running around keeping all those plates spinning (and hats off to you Janeyscleavage with 4!) and it's all fine, until just one small thing goes wrong & then you can literally feel all the plates start to wobble uncontrollably and you know that there is only you to somehow keep them all up in the air. That's when I can feel the anxiety kick in and have to keep a massive grip of myself, not to let it take hold and me hide in the corner of my bedroom in a ball, desperately wondering where the bloody grown up is who'll sort it all out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think it's made me a bit hard and has knocked all the soft edges off me - does anyone else think that?

Blueberryhill123 · 21/01/2019 17:06

Single parent here too! I've been on my own with two dc's since my youngest was a few months old. They're both teenagers now.

I can relate to all the posters in this thread, and agree that being on your own can often be difficult and overwhelming. I'm the only one I know out of my friends and family who are single and that's sometimes made me feel 'lonelier' in a way.

Although I'm lucky as I do have great oarents, who've been there for me and my dcs, it's not the same as having someone there every day who can help with parenting, d.i.y, errands and decision making. Mind you, my ex was a selfish areshole so it's probably easier not having to contend with him!
What I will say is that you definitely find out who your real friends are when you become a single parent.
I've still got good friends, but I've noticed that a few girlfriends (who I'd known way before I met my ex) have started to bother less and less with me now I'm on my own.

It did sting at first when I used to see pics of them on FB out with other couples, with me being no longer invited, but now I see them as shallow. And as my mum says, the tables can always turn!

All in all though, I wouldn't change what j have for the world! I've two dc's with whom I've got a fantastic bond with and who make me proud every day!

Villanellesproudmum · 21/01/2019 17:14

Also single parent! Dd fathers decided to go no contact so just us two since birth. Love the opening paragraph GrinWine

Queenofthedrivensnow · 21/01/2019 17:22

Single parent 7 years in April when I was pg with dd2. Don't regret any of it. I work full
Time (sw) and study and do every single thing for the dds. The exh wants a fucking medal for the few days a year he spends with them (obviously shirked when he goes on holiday) and is interfering and insufferable.

Dd1 got a big writing award at school last week. She did all the work herself but me, I brought her up to work hard and love reading more than life itself. Just me.

O4FS · 21/01/2019 17:23

Your OP made me smile (exactly what XH said to me in the mediators office).

I have teens and pre-teens. 4 of them.

I’m tired. So very tired. I do everything. XH breezes in, occasionally takes them to Nandos. I’m sat outside a houseparty at midnight waiting.

Walking into the bathroom and finding no loo roll nearly reduced me to tears last week.

(Still preferable to being married to him).

Kaykay06 · 21/01/2019 17:28

Can I join in, lp of 4 one who will be getting assessed for asd I hope soon once I’ve jumped through big hoops it seems.

Feeling completely overwhelmed today, House is a state, eldest hanging about being irritating and not helping and my 13 year old sent home sick 🤢 with all the worries about my 7 year old just feels like a giant weight on my shoulders at times. Today the rope snapped.

So fed up of doing it all myself and I’m grumpy and crotchety and losing my rag so easily. Have made a dr app though. Hats off to you all, think people don’t realise it is that no one comes home ever to help you out and give you a cuddle it can be really lonely.

Obviously it’s not just lp who feel like this so hugs for all out there struggling a bit and need some support, always ask x