Signed off for a year

[ohjustleaveit]

I don’t quite know where this should go. But will try here. We were a bit blindsided when husband was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer a couple of months ago. We are both in our forties, have young children.

Life has become extremely difficult and I no longer feel able to cope at work. I don’t see how I can go back while this situation is ongoing. I am looking for advice really from anyone who has been through similar, has been signed off for a long period and then gone back, how easy is it? I did have twelve months off for maternity leave but that was very different for obvious reasons.

Goodness I missed that. Bloody hell I’ve not known anyone wait that long.

A pp has reminded me that when I went back after DH died, I was given a phased return. It was only over four weeks (two days a week, then three, then four etc) but it did help

So sorry youve had this awful news. You just need to get signed off, get a GP appointment asap. You can self certify for first 7 calendar days. Dont worry about how long your GP gives you, but likely it will be between 3-6 weeks initially.

Just take each week at a time. Good luck!

Have you contacted Macmillan for advice yet? They can point you in the direction of financial or other help you may be entitled to.

Luckily, people with your appalling lack of empathy do not get to decide what is allowed.

When my partner’s cancer became terminal I asked for six months unpaid leave (I’m a teacher), which they agreed to.

I’m sure if and when that time comes you’d be able to get a phased return x

This is indeed heartbreaking, but I get kind of frustrated at the idea that anybody is entitled to paid leave for this length of time. Unpaid, absolutely, but in my company there is absolutely no chance of that. My colleague's husband died next to her in bed, and she was back at work within weeks - college feesbto pay. She's broken even years later, but she gets stability and routine from her work.

I’ve reported you. I hope you get banned.

There is no dishonesty at all in the OPs situation and her GP has already said that she will sign her off for as long as she needs.

“Not sick” and “boasting”??? What on earth are you talking about?
OP is doing nothing, absolutely nothing remotely dishonest.
You on the other hand are being absolutely vile.

The GP knows that it is her husband who is ill but is likely in no fit state to work anyway.

OP I’m so sorry you are in this awful situation x
I was on mat leave when I went through something very similar, so I’d already had a year off. Then I got signed off for 8 months but I think it was reviewed on a monthly basis (can’t remember but I kept having to meet with GP). Work would have been happy to keep my job if I was signed off longer. Then they gave me a gradual return to work. I remember just telling work I literally would be unable to juggle caring for my husband, my children and working but that I wished I could work but I couldn’t. They were very understanding, I hope yours will be too. They’d have to be pretty horrid people to fire you over this.

You get ‘frustrated’ at the idea that people are entitled to use the sick leave that is part of their T&Cs? WTF and why the fuck would you be wanting the OP to suffer like your colleague has?

mental health is a real as physical ill health and no one with a modicum of humanity would want the OP to have less than she has - the protection of her rightful T and Cs while she deals with the most awful situation.

One step at a time OP, don’t worry about your return yet.

Although if it sets your mind at rest you’ll almost definitely be able to do a phased return where you gradually increase back to full time hours. You’ll also accrue annual leave while off sick, and you may be able to use that to effectively go part time at the end of your phased return and extend it. If you work term time only in a school you will still accrue leave and there will be a way you can take or be paid for this.

You aren't very bright are you? You have fuck all empathy. And if what you say about your daughter is true, then I'm frankly stunned by that.

She hasn't claimed to be sick. Just unable to work. You've then started bringing benefits into the conversation which are utterly irrelevant. I work for private sector, not public. And would get paid support for a year in this scenario if needed. Benefits have fuck all to do with it. It's just the case of not having an arsehole of an employer.

You really really need to leave this thread now.

DH became ill last Christmas, and stage 4 lung cancer was diagnosed in March, with a prognosis of 6- 12 months without chemo, possibly 24 with

I got myself signed off work in March as the amount of appointments, both at the hospital and at home, was overwhelming.

DH passed away in April - much much sooner than expected.

I am so glad that I took that time to be with him.

I didn't go back to work until July, and am still on a phased return.

So my advice would be to take it month by month, and try not to look too far ahead. Live for now, and make the most of the present. Put yourself and your family first.

@ohjustleaveit so so sorry that you and DH are going through this. We lost our DS (28) 15 months ago from a brain tumour. Sending love and strength to you all xx

This.

Whether she is sick or not will be a matter for OP and her medical practitioner. If a medical professional signs her off as unfit for work, then she is.

You’re despicable.

Firstly OP I want to say I am so sorry for your awful news, I cannot imagine what you and your children are going through. People go off on long term sick for varying reasons and I cannot imagine anyone not understanding or agreeing that the anxiety, stress, depression and mental anguish you must be feeling, wouldn’t constitute enough to warrant being off work. Try not to worry about how you’ll feel 12 months from now and if you’ll go back. You have enough on your plate in the here and now and must give yourself as much breathing space as you can. Try to take things one step at a time and try to speak to a counsellor (macmillan can help you find someone) to try and process your grief and for someone completely impartial who you can talk to. I wish you all the very best and am sending a very big hug xx

Everybody wants the best for everybody. I'd love everybody to have this. Never mind, I realise any discussion of economic consequences is secondary to tragedy.

Jesus.