Signed off for a year

[ohjustleaveit]

I don’t quite know where this should go. But will try here. We were a bit blindsided when husband was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer a couple of months ago. We are both in our forties, have young children.

Life has become extremely difficult and I no longer feel able to cope at work. I don’t see how I can go back while this situation is ongoing. I am looking for advice really from anyone who has been through similar, has been signed off for a long period and then gone back, how easy is it? I did have twelve months off for maternity leave but that was very different for obvious reasons.

I am sorry to hear that @Portmore but I am afraid I still think it is really disrespectful to be turning this thread into a debate about the generosity of the public sector, and implying that I’m swinging the lead.

Hi op, so sorry to hear about your situation. I imagine the worry about work and the logistics is very difficult on top of the worries about your DH.

I haven't been in your situation but know of colleagues who have taken long term sick leave for a partner with cancer. Like you, our sickness policy is 6 months full pay, 6 months half pay. And they would absolutely expect and encourage you to be on sick pay, noone would expect you to resign or reduce your hours in my workplace.

I would just start by taking 2-3 months as sickness leave for stress for now, and play it by ear. It's really impossible to know what will happen in 11 months. If it's getting close to a year off and you're not able to return, you can discuss options nearer the time. Hopefully you're able to tell your manager your situation and they can make a decision about whether they need someone to cover your role on a mid to long term basis.

Best of luck op, hope you can put work out of your mind for now and focus on your family and your own wellbeing too.

OP has been quite clear what her occupational sick pay entitlement is, I don’t know why on an earlier post you referred to it as paid carers leave, OP hasn’t said anything about taking that leave (or having any paid entitlement to that leave).

If you want a discussion on private sector vs public sector benefits then another thread would be more appropriate.

Unfortunately OP any thread where someone mentions they work for public sector and have any sort of occupational pay or leave descends into this, I’ve seen it on other sensitive threads recently.

Might be best to start a new thread if you are interested. Don't think this is the time or place.

I'm so sorry to hear about your child.

And OP isnt saying she’ll get paid for the 12 months anyway.

Op the more I read your updates the more I think you are remarkable and I feel so sorry that you are going through this.

It's on a general board about work and to be fair the comments where other benefits are discussed can be brutal.

Please don't swear or use language like that. I've been respectful in my comments & not made any comments about OPs situation. You have not shown any compassion for mine?!

It just blows my mind how the perception of who 'deserves' benefits is so different.

@Portmoreno one is interested in your situation, it’s not your thread. Just clear off

@Portmore I've said twice that your posts are really disrespectful, intended or otherwise.

A genuine heartfelt thank you for the kindness from others. I’ve been feeling so panicked and one of my worries is how difficult it will be to go back after extended time away but equally I can’t face going back yet; I just can’t.

Being entitled to that amount of sick pay isn’t the same as being entitled to keep your job.

I took a year sabbatical (unpaid) to look after my ill parents who then died within a few months. I still took the whole year and went back a few months ago. I found it hard at first because things change and I've changed and it felt like a lot. But things are improving and I am sure I still made the right decision though, I'm glad I had that time with my parents and then time to grieve and try and find my feet again Iyswim.

Talk to the cancer charities and the Macmillian/Marie Curie nurses- you need whatever support you can get, they may be able to help you with grief counselling as well- although your husband is still with you, you will be mourning the life you will not be able to enjoy, good luck I hope you get the help you need.

it's a thread about a poster's terminally ill husband.

Read the room, for goodness sake

With experience of similar but different to you we found local hospices ‘at home’ or outreach services better than McMillan who we never got much help off at all.

Id get signed off from for a few weeks, get to Xmas and the new year and take it from there. Get signed off again if needed.

God are you alright? You read that poor lady’s situation and that’s your response?

You haven’t been respectful, at all. Go away.

What an awful situation you are in. I am so sorry.

May i suggest that you head over to the cancer threads on here. There is one called the storm. They are people who are, or have been, in your situation. It could really help.

X

My husband was signed off for 9 months due to ill health. Unfortunately they let him go because he couldn’t say when he could come back or how long he would be sick. Obviously you don’t have that issue so much. They were really kind and understanding and his boss was really upset when HR said she had to let him go.

Pop

Jesus god, is it a full moon? Read the room for goodness sake.

My husband had the same disease. I got myself signed off when I could no longer cope with caring, appointments, hospital stays as well as hold down my job. I was signed off about 4 times over about 6 months. Do what you need to do. When you're ready to go back, go phased. You will manage.

This awful behaviour is apparently called "Sealioning"
Relentless bad faith questioning then " what me" when challenged

Im Gen X , we just called it being an arsehole ...

I lost a child to a degenerative illness so yes I have experience.

I posted alot on mumsnet about universal credit, notability, trying to get some pip for myself & my other child & got a lot of hate for that.

My friend has had a year off in 2 seperate occasions. Now she struggles to stay back in the flow of work

Why is no one talking about how infuriating it is that it’s taken 4.5 months for the treatment to start?!!!! It is like a fire brigade turning up 3 days after the fire started.

I am angry for him. I am angry for everyone in this situation.

Angry that we have all paid into a system that does not give two hoots whether I’m dead or alive as long as I pay my taxes 🤬.

I am so sorry OP.
I am so angry on your behalf.

I pressed sent too soon. Sorry what you are dealing with OP x