Signed off for a year

[ohjustleaveit]

I don’t quite know where this should go. But will try here. We were a bit blindsided when husband was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer a couple of months ago. We are both in our forties, have young children.

Life has become extremely difficult and I no longer feel able to cope at work. I don’t see how I can go back while this situation is ongoing. I am looking for advice really from anyone who has been through similar, has been signed off for a long period and then gone back, how easy is it? I did have twelve months off for maternity leave but that was very different for obvious reasons.

How do you get a sick note unless you are saying you are sick?

I'm definitely not saying that OP shouldn't be entitled to empathy & time off but that should be compassionate leave/carers leave/ parental leave etc.

Maybe be frustrated that others AREN'T entitled to it, instead of trying to pile guilt on OP.

She obviously knows her employer - which you don't. Stop!

Why were you trying to get pip for yourself? Are you disabled?

you sound jealous, were you not able to get sick leave before your daughter died?

Do you not think OP just might be struggling mentally/with stress right now?

I’m really sorry you and your family are going through this.
Not the same but I recently lost my Mum to pancreatic cancer. I’m a teacher and we found out in the Easter holidays. Mum was given a terminal diagnosis of 3-6 months. I am an only child and lived about 40 miles away. I moved in with Mum to care for her

I initially got signed off for 3 weeks (from my Dr with stress) and then got it extended until the summer holidays. Mum died mid June and I went back to work in September. I’m so glad I was able to do this. It made Mum’s last weeks so much easier, it also meant school could get cover and I have gone back in a better state and able to cope.

Look after yourself and your family. It’s really tough caring for someone and facing an uncertain future. MacMillan and the local hospice were my lifelines. The supported me as well as Mum. The hospice provided respite and carers support as well as end of life care and helped me to provide the best care I could for my Mum.

It’s a lonely situation but support is there, please reach out and ask for it. Thinking of you and your husband.

It will be a sick note for stress/the mental health impact.

Really not that unusual, I’ve seen plenty of people signed off for similar, plus bereavement, and a couple of people signed off after returning from maternity/paternity leave where their child was stillborn.

GPs will absolutely be used to people requesting fit notes in the OP’s circumstances. In the unlikely event they think the OP is well enough to work they won’t sign her off.

Are you a GP? I think they are more qualified to decide if a sick note is applicable or not. Very glad mine did as I would not have been able to cope working and looking after my dying Mum.

Sorry, no, try your best to get off work as long as she can. Family is the only thing that matters right now.

This was my experience of the private sector too, when my DH died I got two weeks of paid leave. A colleague lost his daughter and got similar. I worked for a small business and they simply couldn't afford it (I know because I was the accountant). Doesn't mean it's right. I blame the government personally for not supporting small businesses.

Yes I was by the stress of caring for a child with a life limiting illness and for the stress & anxiety their sibling faced.

Same situation as OP but they've been able to get a 12 month sick certificate & full sick pay.

I didn't have access to that so had to go down the PIP route instead.

OP doesn't want the thread derailed by benefits v benefits thread so I'll respect that & not respond further

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It will depend on your employer's policies but it's absolutely doable in law with the right policies. I was signed off for nine months (on full pay) when my husband died and they would have given me longer but I needed to get into a new routine by that point. This was private sector and a large multi-national too so it's not as rare as some make out. It really does depend on both the company policy and your individual manager.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. ♥️

I myself had 10 months off work. I got sick notes for up to 6 weeks at a time. If you need it then do it . I got full pay for 8 months and then 2 months of half pay and universal credit. Mine was health related

I’ve had two members of my team in your situation.

One worked while supporting him and then took leave after he died. The other took leave while caring for her husband.

The former has recently told me that she wishes she had done what the second did and spent as much time with her husband as she could before he died.

Family first, always.

For goodness sake, bugger off. For somebody who has apparently suffered an incredible loss, you’re being an absolute moron.

Oh and read the posts properly. The OP hasn’t said she’s already got a one year sick note. Get off your high horse. You’re wrong.

@ForgotWhatIDidYesterday Aww - just read your post - wanted to send you a big hug and hope you are doing okay. You've been through so much and helping other people is so positive. May you have a long happy life x

To OP...maybe just focus on what's needed in the immediate future. Go to speak to your boss/HR/owner and explain the situation and see what they recommend. If you could still do one day a week, that might give you a bit of normality and a distraction (when you are ready to, if not that's okay too). Your DH and family are priority at this very sad/difficult time. You can get loads of support from Macmillan, Breast Cancer Now and other charities local to you and the hospital your DH is being treated at. I think getting some counselling for you would help...can you check to see if there are any local cancer charities that offer this or through your GP?

Once you've spoken to work, they will probably guide you as to what works best for them. They might even let you change your Thursday to a different day? I think if you can keep as much normality as possible it is helpful for you and the family. You might also need to be prescribed something for coping at this time, with maybe something to help with anxiety?
Hope you get lots of help and support through this very sad time.

Take the time you need to organise yourself, come to terms with things and also most importantly to support DH and spend time with him. These policies are built as a safety net for situations like these. You are extremely stressed and going through a very difficult time. If you need time off just take it. You don’t need to justify it to anyone. I do sincerely hope your DH reacts well to treatment. I have my fingers crossed for you and your young children. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. Big hugs!

Sorry not Breast cancer now...I meant a lung cancer charity.

So sorry you are going through this OP. I really hope your employer is supportive and gives you as much time off as you need.

Ive had a recent spell of 8 weeks off sick with family related stress. I also have cancer but it's currently in remission but likely to return. My DH also had stage 3 bowel cancer and has life long side effects from chemo.

My employer has already mentioned capability processes and what might happen if I take more sick leave. It's such a worry and will probably mean me working even if i'm not well enough.

Is it worth exploring reducing your hours and claiming carers allowance in the short term ? CAB or Macmillan could advise x

Because poor mental health due to stress is a legitimate reason to be signed off sick.

And I refuse to believe that you don't know that.

This is absolute rubbish.

As I said upthread, my GP signed me off with ‘stress at home’ (suggested by my manager) when I told him my husband’s prognosis was between 4 and 6 months to live and that I wanted to stay home and nurse him.

I was as fit as a fiddle but he agreed that doing that whilst trying to work COULD BE detrimental to my health.

I just wanted to reply to say that I was diagnosed 5 years ago with stage 4 lung cancer . I had chemo and when I had slight progression I was put on a trial drug which has been effective for 4 years . I'm generally well and still work 2 days a week as a volunteer (I'm retired) . I know its very scarey to have this diagnosis but people can live well for years and I truly hope this is the case for your DH . Just thought I'd reply to give you a bit of hope . Take care of both of you x

You are clearly not in a position to work at the moment, so I would advise getting signed off for a month or 2 at a time at least and reviewing, I’ve known people in similar situations get a 3 month line at a time so see what your doctor says.

See where you are in a year - at the moment your family should be your priority and any decent employer would be sympathetic to your circumstances I imagine.

No harm in joining a Union too when you are off.

Hope things work out favourably for you during this horrible time X

@ohjustleaveit I have no words to express how deeply sorry I am to read your post.

Of course you need to take time off work.

I once took 8 months off work. I was ill. The testing etc took an age and in the end I needed an operation. I just kept sending in 2/3week sick notes as appropriate. I think my last one was for a few months as the recovery post op was c6-8 weeks. Anyways, I just had a regular catch up with my boss, which lasted 5 or 10mins every week or so.

I hope this helps.x