Signed off for a year

[ohjustleaveit]

I don’t quite know where this should go. But will try here. We were a bit blindsided when husband was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer a couple of months ago. We are both in our forties, have young children.

Life has become extremely difficult and I no longer feel able to cope at work. I don’t see how I can go back while this situation is ongoing. I am looking for advice really from anyone who has been through similar, has been signed off for a long period and then gone back, how easy is it? I did have twelve months off for maternity leave but that was very different for obvious reasons.

I'd imagine she has severe stress and anxiety about the fact that her husband and her children's father is dying. Seriously, how does asking that question help anyone?

I totally get what you're feeling.

My husband's cancer was always going to be terminal. But we weren't referred to the hospice until the last few months when he reached the actual terminal stage. And that suited him. He wanted life to be normal for as long as possible. And having hospice involved earlier than that would have been very abnormal, when we were keeping on keeping on, as it were.

Ah okay mental health.
You wouldn't get paid for 12 months though surely?

OP, I am so sorry: it is exactly a bomb going off in your life.

Do you have Macmillan support? I ran a small-ish charity sector organisation without an HR dept / much contingency.

Macmillan were really helpful and informative on helping a staff member navigate her employment position, and really helped us too, as employers, to support her through. Employment law, tax, NI etc

I got two periods of apx six months, with roughly six months of working in the middle.
Like OP, I was a teacher, and I was paid in full for almost all of that period, with just a few weeks on half pay.

I'm retired now, so I'm not sure if anything changed, but had I has a year of with no return, if have had full pay for six months and half pay for the next six months

FFS - the OP asked for support from people who had been through this, not nit-picking from idiots who are obsessed with whether she will get paid or not, or what her employment contract covers.

Just go away if you have nothing constructive to add.

Yes, I think DH is like this, it’s strange as on one level absolutely everything is different but on another level it is remarkably normal. I absolutely know he wouldn’t appreciate me taking him to a hospice!

Thanks @Ineffable23 , I do wonder about some people at times! @Portmore should I need it and I may, I can have six months full pay six months half.

They’ve been very kind when I’ve spoken to them on the phone but I will be honest and say not hugely informative! I’ve actually found ChatGPT the most effective point of contact throughout this!

Surely you can't expect them to hold your job for a year?!

For goodness sake.

And yes, they will.

I don’t know where you work, but as an employee, I have seen my employer do exactly that. Because they aren’t complete dicks. Op is hardly “faking it” is she?
Not all employers are awful.

Before posting, maybe stop and think a little bit?

But why on earth wouldn’t an employer hold my job for a year? After all, they have done so twice before when I had my children. And have worked there for eleven years so they’ve had nine good yeets out of me and they’ve had my support, and now I need theirs.

So why wouldn’t they? Is this concept so alien, that sometimes people need longish periods of work off?

My question was really about going back to be honest as everyone I know who has ended up signed off for a long period has not gone back. This is a bit different and not a situation I expected to find myself in.

On the financial side, if you have any life insurance then some of them will pay a lump sum for this type of illness. Additionally if your husband may have a critical illness insurance through his employer which may also work.

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about things like resettling into work - it will be fine. Try and prioritise logistics if you can.

Am rooting for you. Well wishes and strength to both of you.

Can second McMillan. They are helping a friend of mine navigate this with her DH just now but also were amazing when a close friend of ours, who passed away a few years ago, was diagnosed. His wife was able to get support about services, access to trials and help over financial issues like her employment rights and benefits. Both have had access to wonderful counsellors offering the space to process what is happening and how to manage their children.

Wow okay. I've only ever been private sector where you don't get anything like that.

Compassionate leave is like 2 weeks other than that unpaid.

After that universal credit. They would find you capable of some kind of work so you wouldn't get the disability top up.

Carers allowance is an absolute pittance.

I'm shocked that there's so much benefits hate on people in this situation but the state sector workers are getting 12 months paid carers leave.

I don't have relevant experience and I am very sorry this is happening to you all. I wanted to say you don't have to decide about the whole year now maybe. You can just stop, for now and keep getting the sick notes you need for as long as you are able and then make the next decision. When things are very hard I find two questions useful: what is the least worst thing? And what is the best thing to do next? It sounds like your best thing to do next is to stop work, right now, and not worry about going back. Good luck to you all. It sounds like you have lots of options but there is parental leave etc as well as career breaks if the paid options run out.

Some of these replies
What the actual hell is wrong with people behaving like this?

@ohjustleaveit
Im so sorry you are going through this
I would tell your work you will be off for 2-3 months with stress and see how things go
You are in severe shock with your DH diagnosis and things may settle when he is established on treatment and you can anticipate his post treatment bad days, please make sure he reports any symptoms as there is so much they can do to tweak his meds
You have an awful lot on your plate and are not currently fit for work so please ignore the idiots and take it step by step
Sending you best wishes

If the GP keeps signing you off, yes?

Haven’t you read the updates from OP?

Or was your “what illness do you have” just a dig…

Wtf is wrong with some people…

It really isn’t. I’m private sector too, but I’ve seemingly had far nicer employers.

Could you please have this discussion elsewhere? I really feel using this thread to benefit bash is disrespectful in the extreme.

We have a three year old who probably will not even properly remember her dad, maybe consider that before ‘wows.’

DH is currently unable to even get into bed, he doesn’t even have that relief. He’s confined to a chair in a room day and night, dozing and drowsy but not able to properly get a nights sleep. He’s lost over 3 stone in weight. He’s barely able to walk.

You’re not jealous of him, of us. You’re not.

My heartfelt sympathy OP, I have been completely blindsided by DH's diagnosis in early September, he is also stage 4 but is having drug treatment only at the moment.
i am retired but he is/was still working, but as he is self employed, the pressure is on now as I won't be able to maintain a similar standard of living, we were planning on downsizing when he retired, now I feel under great pressure to "sort the house out" while trying to live a normal as possible life.
I hope your "work" show you sympathy and understanding.

Ignore the unhappy twerps.

I’d just take everything a day at a time OP. Follow your sick leave policy and as long as your GP is signing you off don’t worry.

Take your time and then worry about whether to go back or not down the line.

Thanks @HazelBite , I’m sorry you’re on this horrible same boat too.

Thanks @Namechangewegovyjune26 ; I think you’re right, I should take it every day as it comes at least for a while.

I'm genuinely interested as there are very polarized views on who deserves benefits & who doesn't.

It's genuinely blown my mind that someone would get 12 months paid leave for stress whereas another would get universal credit/carers allowance & be hated on for claiming a fraction.

Whenever there's a thread on claiming benefits there is so, so much hate but very few people have the luxury of 12 months compassionate leave

I lost a child to a degenerative , terminal condition.

Start your own thread if you want to talk about private sector vs public sector sick pay. What the fuck is wrong with you?? Do you have no compassion for what OP has told us their family is going through?