Colleague called me a relic at lunch, would you report it?

[Sacredbirman]

Had lunch with my colleague and a new intern. I was talking to the intern and she asked how long I had been in the company. I said over 20 years.
Other colleague said yes, she’s a relic.
Feeling a little hurt by this. My DD thinks I should report to HR.
What would you do? Already feel insecure in my job as HoD has made it clear he doesn’t want older women in his team (I am early 50s).
Part of me wants to just laugh it off but there is also a bit of background that he got my role when I had burnout and when I returned I wasn’t reinstated and then he was promoted to the same level as me.

That's horrible @NolanChanceJustLikeTheWeatherNSoul . I'm so sorry.

HR is there to protect the company against claims against them for being ageist cunts

This is possibly indicative of a pattern of behaviour that leaves the company wide open to OP gathering her evidence and then smacking them in the face with it.

In her shoes, she should get the previous complaint, and then add this to it and ask HR what they are going to do to protect the company. And that the outcome she wants is the job of her wishes away from the cunty colleagues.

Lighten up!

Fucking hell, HR?

Oh my god OP.

Life is TOO SHORT to be worrying about an offhand comment like this, Jesus.

I would be upset also - probably not report it but maybe I lack bravery. Having said that, I would be concerned that this was said in front of a new intern. Perhaps it could be approached from this point of view - not the organisation's culture and gives wrong impression to new intern. OP I understand that you have been dealing with other factors which mean this is particularly hard to deal with

It sounds like your card had already been marked as a ‘problematic’ employee. You’ve been off for an extended period for burn-out, you’ve already tried to complain about your HoD and been told to drop it, and now you want to report one comment a colleague made (not a case of harrasment, one comment) to HR. I think they are more likely to see you as a problem that needs to be managed, and there are creative ways they can do that if needed. That’s the reality. You might be able to push the age discrimination angle as far as you can take it, but however far that is it will be out of this job I think, so depends what you want out of this.

"HoD has made it clear he doesn’t want older women in his team"

While your colleague was a dick, isn't this the bigger issue? By this I assume your HOD said it verbally that he doesn't want older women in his team? That should be reported to HR.

If the colleague has not previously been insulting, speak to them about it, give them the chance to apologise.

You do realise that HR doesn't work on your behalf but the companies. I wouldn't put my head above the parapet again. You can't be sacked because the head of department wants to clear out older employees, but you can be eased out for creating another drama.

I would almost consider this a compliment not an insult . Means you have been there ages . So what ? What exactly offends you about this ? Jesus the stuff people get offended about nowadays is wild

You and your dd are both wet wipes. HR indeed, Jesus Christ!

I would have laughed! Can't colleagues have a joke with each other these days. You should have had a comeback, better a relic than a prick or something.

I would report both this colleague and the person who told you they did not want older women in their team.

Being called a 'relic' is an ageist comment.

We need to stop passing this type of nonsense as 'banter'.

I had to do a presentation to new grad joiners once. As part of the intro I had to say who I was, which dept I worked in and how long I'd been with the company. When I said what year I joined, one of the grads piped up, in a stage whisper, "blimey, I wasn't even born then". I was a tad mortified but just ignored him and carried on. I doubt HR would be interested.

How has he made it clear? And is it just women in their 50s he doesn't want, or men too? This is what I would be worried about, not about being called a relic.

I went into the office in Feb and there had been a purge...all senior directors and managers had gone. Over the next few months people were disappearing...seemingly anyone over 50 was being replaced. Succession management or ageism? I am over 50 and still there but whoo knows for how long? Thing is I hate it now so if they offer enough money I will take it and run. Most of these people had over 20 years service and were so loyal, got the company through Covid and Brexit and this was the reward.....and many were female. Although a lot of the new staff are female too. May be age rather than sex OP?

That wouldn't bother me. You may look silly if you report it. You do not want to be THAT person @Sacredbirman !!!

Well, you're blowing this completely out of proportion and being quite ridiculous, IMO. You need to build a stronger backbone, OP. And that's coming from someone in a HR field. Sorry.

Jesus no. You are not at school and can't run to teacher to tell tales. You are expected to be a reasonably normal resilient human who can converse with people who occasionally might say something tactless. Why do you think HR have time for this sort of tittle tattle?

With the stated intentions of the manager, I’d also see it as part of a negative culture. Then add in OP removed from her role after being ill..it sounds like an approach to her / older people in this company.

With people currently expected to work until 67 and no doubt longer soon..this is ageist and offensive …really frightening for people as they age who need work to survive financially. Definitely not a joke.

Mildest joke ever

100% this.

no way should you report that. There is nothing offensive about what was said, it’s pretty normal work talk.

But it wasn’t about age, it was about her being at the company for 20 years.