Return to Office policy will make it impossible for me to work!

[SamSam786R]

I started my job four years ago under a hybrid policy, although my contract stated it was 9-5, Mon-Fri. In these four years I have managed to work from home and office with a degree of flexibility. After I got pregnant with my third child and returned from mat leave in April 2025 things changed drastically. They tried to remove all flexibilty that I had (rigid 9-5 working hours when I had worked reduced hours in the office and made the time up in the evenings). I've subjected to nasty comments like 'You have baby brain' and 'your performance has suffered since you got pregnant'. Now I must juggle two pick ups (kids and nursery) the school doesnt offer afterschool provision and I cannot move them. My child is settled in nursery but the 9-5 hours wont allow me to pick him up on time - I'm alrrady stressed and sick at the thought of being late to pick up and work. For me to return to the office five days is impossible and extra nursery days and hours plus additonal travel would put me at a loss of ~£600. Going part time would also leave me at a loss because I'd still be paying the same in bills and childcare costs. I feel like I have no choice but to leave once this policy comes into action but there are male colleagues of mine who are: able to work one day a week due to relocations, have manged to negotiate late starts so they can go to the gym, not to mention our HR person (also male) comes into work after me most days and does not even come inot the office regularly himself. I feel like they are pushing me out. Please note my manager is based abroad and I work in comms - similar roles I have done fully remote. This was along the lines of what they emailed us: "Over the past five years the business has operated a discretionary hybrid working trial. This trial was a temporary, non-contractual arrangement and Following a comprehensive review of our operational needs and performance targets, the business has made the strategic decision to formally conclude this trial."

Just to add, re gender discrimination, there is no case for it here.
This is because your employment will see it as your assumption that the childcare falls to you rather than shared with or mitigated by your partner.
The actual discrimination, if there is any at all, lies in the unequal distribution of child care with your partner. That's nothing to do with your employer. Cynically, it is your oh who is discriminating against you, although obviously you appear to have achieved a balance by mutual agreement thus far.
Fact remains, you are not in this predicament because you are a woman, ergo no discrimination.
Fwiw.

I think you have missed the point. When you are being paid to work, you focus on it and make it your priority unless there is an emergency.

Yes, I have children. Grown up now. Between children I gave up work because DS was unwell as a baby and I couldn't be reliable as a professional. I went back when dd was settled in reception and had in place childcare from 8.30am until 6pm.

SEX discrimination.

No it’s not. It’s there to help people who are financially struggling. Parenting is both you and your husbands responsibility. Between you, you need to get employment that allows you to look after you children just like the vast majority of people do.

It's not there to help people like you but to be fair most people I know have the flexibility for childcare.

So long as work gets done my colleagues can nip out for whatever they want. They can collect the children and take them to their mom's or go to the tip, doesn't matter!

It's sex discrimination. Sex is a protected characteristics, not gender.

OK, sex discrimination.
My point still stands, beyond any socio-semantics.

This isn't factually accurate. OP is being subjected to detrimental treatment directly linked to her sex - male counterparts are not being told they have baby brain, or that their performance has slipped (when her appraisals say differently). In addition, her male colleagues are being granted flexibility and she is not.

So you took a job far too far from where you live. You need to find a job closer to home, or move your family closer to where you work

What is your husband/partner doing in terms of childcare?

Well UC is based on both yours and your husband’s income combined so I’m guessing you wouldn’t qualify? But if your husband earns such a low amount that you would qualify, why are you prioritising his job over yours when it comes to childcare arrangements? Most families would only prioritise one partner’s job if that partner is a high earner; otherwise people tend to split things more equally.

Not RTFT so this may have already been mentioned.
Is it possible that it has nothing to do with the OP but rather the whole team? OP, you say that the HR manager comes in after you, that some people have late starts because they go to the gym. Perhaps management have had enough of this carefree attitude and want everyone to toe the line? Was the baby brain comment made by your manager or a colleague? If your manager, it contradicts the fact that they have given you a good appraisal and you’re in line for a bonus.
I think you need to separate out the personal with the business need that affects everyone.

I would document every single comment, who said it and when eg the Baby Brain comment

Is it just you being told to return to work? The guy who is allowed flexible working to go to the gym. The guys who moved miles away. Your boss, Are they being told to come into the office f/t and if not why not.

Look at your house insurance. A lot have legal cover automatically built into the policy and one of the things it covers is legal expenses regarding employment issues.
(used it regarding a company who got rid of dh and broke all the rules) we got a very nice payout

For those wondering about the £2k universal credit amount.
If SamSam786R dh has a lowish salary but then gets commission and she is not working then I think £2k UC is definitely feasible.
HB if they rent, full CB, council tax reduction.

UC is not just for those without work but for those in work that doesn’t pay enough to cover basic expenses

Ironically it probably is gender discrimination.

My gender (ie the societal expectations of a woman) assume I do most of the childcare. My vagina (ie my sex) doesn’t require that at all.

I think you’re mixing up posters as I never said anything about being valuable enough.

ACAS

I have lots of sympathy for the OP and think she’s being treated unfairly by her employer.

The comments about baby brain etc are discriminatory and the process they are following is flawed.

But it’s incorrect to state that an employer has to make adjustments for childcare.

They do not.

They do have to fairly consider all flexible work requests and they can’t discriminate against her - which they may well be doing in this case.

She needs to get herself proper advice and I urge her to contact ACAS at the earliest opportunity.

I started my job four years ago under a hybrid policy, although my contract stated it was 9-5, Mon-Fri. In these four years I have managed to work from home and office with a degree of flexibility. After I got pregnant with my third child and returned from mat leave in April 2025 things changed drastically. They tried to remove all flexibilty that I had (rigid 9-5 working hours when I had worked reduced hours in the office and made the time up in the evenings).

How did you manage to work 9-5 from home if you were doing nursery drop off and pick ups?

Are you a single parent?

If not, where is your partner and are they asking for child friendly working hours?

Presumably you chose to have a 3rd child and the costs that would bring, as well as trying to juggle childcare for many more years.

Is it reasonable to ask your employer to accommodate your choices?

Much of this advice is legally correct, OP. It reads to me that you are having a strop because you’ve been called out on “working” while also taking care of three children. If you will be better off on UC then that’s your choice.

It does seem like they feel it's not working out for them ( rightly or wrongly) I think I'd be on the look out for something else with more flexibility.
honestly I'd be slow to give up work entirely , it can be hard to get back into work at a similar level after being out for a few years . I'd keep my toe in the water work wise at least if I were you.

It’s called a flexible working request, as has been explained many times. Flexible working requests for those with children are no different to requests from those without, save that the risk for the employer of not being able to justify the rejection in childcare cases is much higher because of the possibility of an indirect sex discrimination claim. There is no legal right to adjustments / accommodations for childcare reasons.

I do wonder why couples don't think ahead.

We stopped at 2 children. I worked part time only till my children were independent. It was a choice because at the time childcare didn't exist as it does today. We cut our cloth accordingly with finances.

I don't think you can expect work to accommodate your life choices.
It's incredibly entitled and if your children come first, your earnings reflect that.

I also think claiming benefits to support a lifestyle choice is unethical.
It's being paid for by other working parents, juggling their own childcare and finances.

Fully agree with this. I mean, how many years does it take for it to be an implied term and why should it have to go to a tribunal. Why do employers get away with allowing remote work for years on end but can then suddenly upheave everyone's lives because of a piece of paper that they haven't adhered to for years. People have the right to make plans for their lives and shouldn't be expected to continue living as though they're commuting for hours each day when they're not.. for years!! After 12 months of working from home, it should become law that this is now your permanent place of work unless agreed otherwise with both parties. No one needs a trial longer than 12 months and this uncertainty since covid has put a lot of people in difficult situations.

Easily avoided if our government can get a grip and act swiftly on these issues instead of taking a decade to make changes.

I would advise against leaving your job to live on UC, once your child turns three you will be expect to work up to 30 hours per week. You won’t just be allowed sit at home all day with your children otherwise everyone would do it.

You need to report the misogynistic comments your employer has been making but other than that you will have no other choice but to find a different job if your hours do not fit around your childcare.

So, if I wanted to have a meeting with you between 2.30-3.30 on a school day you would definitely attend it? You wouldn't (as many of my colleagues do) tell me that you have to pick your children up from school and couldn't I organise it at another time? Because organising it at another time would mean you didn't miss the meeting, whereas the reality might be that a different time was less convenient and caused issues for me and delays to my work productivity?